Truth and Realizations
by MiamiBabe
Summary: A series of POV's that begin shortly before the end of EOT. Will Ranger be brave enough to let Steph know his true feelings or has he lost his chance? Will Steph finally make a decision? Is Joe ready to change?
1. I Can't Get Started With You

Standard Disclaimer: I own nothing. I make nothing.

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This is my first stab at a Plum fic, so I thought I would start small with a one shot and possibly a sequel. Please be gentle with me, but I definitely would love to receive feedback, so I can improve my writing. I hope you enjoy!

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_I Can't Get Started With You_

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Ranger had been looking for Stephanie all night. It seemed like a lifetime since he'd gotten back from Miami, even though he knew it had only been a few

hours.

As soon as he had stepped foot off the plane, a sense of dread sent a shiver up his spine. He picked up his phone and dialed into the office knowing that something big was going down and he wasn't going to like it.

"Comm. Center," Cal answered.

"I just landed. Report," Ranger barked.

Cringing Cal said, "Bombshell dropped off the radar a few hours ago. She told Hal she was going out but would be back soon. When she hadn't shown up after a couple of hours, he pulled up the GPS and tracked her bike to Stiva's. He tried to call her cell but it went straight to voice mail. Hal had a feeling something was wrong, and he wanted to make sure she wasn't in trouble. I'd just got here for the shift change when he and Tank took off looking for her."

"God damn it, Stephanie why can't you stay out of trouble?" Ranger mumbled and disconnected.

He ran his hands through his hair and then over his face in frustration, letting out a deep breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. He wasn't sure when or how it happened, but she'd gotten under his skin, and no matter how hard he tried to extricate her from his heart, she just became more entrenched in it.

He mentally shook his head to clear it. Now is not the time to psychoanalyze my fucked up relationship skills. He had to keep his eye on the goal. Find Stephanie and make sure she is safe.

Don't disappoint me Babe. Let that luck of yours hold out until I find you.

He hit speed dial 2 on his phone, "I'm back, what have you found out so far?"

Showing no surprise that Ranger knew what was going on, Tank said, "Hal tracked Bomber's bike to Stiva's, but she isn't here. We didn't want to make a scene with half the Burg here for the Barroni service, but we're about to take another look around the perimeter."

"I'll be there in twenty."

While driving to Stiva's, he called Joe and in a flat voice asked, "Morelli, have you heard from Stephanie today?"

Joe immediately knew something wasn't right. Ranger would never call him about Stephanie's whereabouts, unless he thought she was in trouble.

"Manoso what's going on?" Joe growled.

"Nothing. Have you heard from her or not?" Ranger asked.

If Steph was in trouble, he was pretty useless with his bum leg, so he took a deep breath and reigned in his anger at Ranger's arrogance before replying. "No I haven't. But I get the feeling she's found herself in another crazy situation. What has she done now?" He replied, while he reached over and downed some Maalox.

Something in Joe's tone, made Ranger snap. He was so tired of watching Joe chip away at Stephanie's self esteem by demeaning her abilities and life choices. But if he was honest, he had no one to blame but himself. After all, he sent her back to him because he was too chicken shit to deal with his feelings for her.

I don't have time for this shit, Ranger thought to himself. I have to find her.

"Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it," and he disconnected.

Ranger had a sick feeling in his stomach; he knew she was in danger. He must have broken every traffic law in the book, because he raced into Stiva's parking lot and hit the ground running in twelve minutes.

"Report," Ranger said.

"We've traveled the perimeter of both buildings and took a look inside the funeral home, but there is no sign of her and nothing seems out of place," Tank responded.

Ranger immediately took control. He flipped his phone again and barked out, "I want every available Rangeman and as many contract workers as you can round up looking for Stephanie. I want no stone unturned. Find her."

He closed his phone and turned to his men. "Okay, let's split up. Hal you go back and canvas the funeral parlor, ask the Burg regulars, but stay away from her mom and Grandmother, we don't want to worry them. Tank, you come with me. Let's go around back and go through the rest of the building and Stiva's house. If Steph had a hunch about something, she would check every room before she would give up on it."

Ranger and Tank had methodically gone through all of the empty viewing rooms, embalming areas and basement, but didn't find any evidence that Stephanie had been in the rooms.

That left the house, it seemed unlikely that she'd be there, but Ranger had learned to never rule a possibility out when it came to Steph. They tried all of the doors and windows on the first floor, but none of them were open.

"She isn't here Ranger. All the windows and doors are closed and Steph doesn't know how to pick a lock," Tank said.

Ranger was about to agree with him, when he happened to look up and began to smile at what he saw.

"She didn't need to pick a lock to get inside Tank," Ranger replied as he pointed up to the open window.

Tank laughed, "You think she got in through that window? Are we talking about the same Stephanie Plum? The woman that can't out run geriatric skips?

Ranger internally rolled his eyes, but gave Tank his blank face. He obviously still didn't know his Babe very well.

"Tank, never underestimate what Stephanie is willing to do when her "spidey sense" is running on hyper speed."

"Spidey sense? What the hell did you drink on the plane?" Tank asked looking at Ranger as if he'd lost his mind.

Crap…why did I say that?

Ignoring Tank's sarcasm, he roughly replied, "her intuition, instincts…she calls it her spidey sense. Anyway, despite the stupid reference, her intuition is uncannily accurate and when it runs amok is when she is closest to danger. I know it doesn't seem like the woman you know, but from what I here she's famous in the Burg for climbing in and out of second story bathroom windows growing up."

Trying to hide his amusement at Ranger's knowledge of Burg gossip about Bombshell and his mental picture of her scaling walls as a teenager, Tank had to admit that her instincts were usually right when it came to finding the bad guys.

It actually amazed him that for a person without training and a penchant for finding herself in the middle of disaster, she could usually piece together facts that most others missed.

"Okay give me a second and we'll be inside." Tank quickly picked the lock, but within a few minutes they'd scanned the entire house and came up empty…no Stephanie…no clues.

Tank and Hal slightly shook their head and exchanged amused looks at each other as Ranger was pacing the parking lot like a caged animal. Everyone at Rangeman knew that the Boss and Bombshell were in love with each other, but were too damn stubborn to admit it to themselves. But watching him now, there was no doubt...he had it bad.

Ranger intent on formulating a plan was oblivious to his men's amusement. He could feel Steph's fear, she was in danger and time was running out.

He would never let on, hell until recently he wouldn't even admit it to himself, but he had a connection with Stephanie that was unexplainable. He could feel her presence before he ever saw her and he always seemed to know when she was in trouble.

A thought came to him. He jumped in his car yelling over his shoulder for Tank and Hal to follow him and peeled out of the parking lot like a bat out hell. He was working on pure adrenaline having not slept in over twenty-four hours, but nothing would stop him until he found his Babe.

He called the Comm. Room and asked them to find out who ran the tax records office and their home address. Within five minutes, he had the information and was heading towards the house of the lady that ran the department. He didn't care if it was the middle of the night, he was getting the information now and nothing was going to stop him.

He knocked on the door and an elderly lady in her pajamas, rubbing the sleep from her eyes opened the door with a grunt.

"Do you know what time it is young man? What are you doing knocking on my door so late at night?" She angrily asked.

When her eyes cleared and she looked into Ranger's eyes she saw determination and a glimpse of how dangerous he could be if provoked. A look that had served him well in getting what he wanted both in the military and in tracing skips.

Trying to control his temper, he quietly said, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to do this to you, but you have to come with us right now."

Indignantly, the elderly lady replied, "I will certainly not go anywhere with someone I do not know, and if you don't leave this house immediately…"

But Ranger losing all patience cut her off by pulling his gun out and pointing it at her head. "I hoped we could do this peacefully, but I don't have time to waste. Someone's life is dependent on us looking through the records in your office. I give you my word that we are not here to hurt you and I will make up for my actions."

With that he motioned to Tank to pick up the elderly lady and take her to the SUV, they couldn't waste any more time.

Flipping his phone, "Yo, send back up to the tax records office now. They'll need to provide taxi service shortly."

Sure enough within ten minutes they had an address of a house under Spiro's name that was still under probate as they had not found a body and thus couldn't declare him legally dead.

He thanked the record's lady giving her his full Ranger smile hoping it would lessen his rough behavior and told her that someone would be there in a few minutes to take her home.

He looked over at Tank and Hal. "Let's go," while taking off in a full speed sprint to his car.

It took about fifteen minutes to get to the house, which was located in the outskirts of Trenton. There were no signs of it being inhabited, but he wasn't giving up until he searched every last crevice of the house. It was his only lead and he had this tingling feeling that Stephanie was close by.

Babe, I can feel you. I know you're here. He couldn't remember the last time he'd prayed to God, but he was willing to do or say anything to get Stephanie back safely, so he briefly closed his eyes and silently prayed he would find her alive.

The three men split up and began opening every door and cupboard that could possibly be a hiding place, shouting to each other as each room was cleared.

_And suddenly there was a very slim, faint sliver of light in my box. I went still and listened with every molecule in my body. Someone had turned a light on. Or maybe it was daylight. Or maybe I was going to heaven. There were muffled sounds and men's voices, and there was a lot of door banging. I opened my mouth to yell for help, but the box opened before I had the chance. I tumbled out, and fell into Ranger's arms._

He found me. I know I kept saying he would but I had started to lose hope. No one knew it was Con nor would they ever suspect him. I knew this time I could have run out of luck and be dead soon. I blinked twice, wanting to make sure it wasn't a dream or a hallucination, but when I focused my eyes again I was still in his arms and staring into his tense but gorgeous chocolate eyes.

_He was as stunned as I was. He had a vise-like grip on and the line of his mouth was tight. "I saw you folded up in there, and I thought you were dead," he said. _

"_I'm okay. Just cramped." _

I closed my eyes and buried my head in his neck, absorbing his warmth and strength, trying to regain my composure and courage. I burrowed myself further into his body in sudden desperation and fear that he'd let go of me. He seemed to understand my need and he pulled me closer into him until it felt like my body was melting into his. I'd never felt so safe as I did at this moment. And then it hit me. Oh my god! I love this man. I mean, I'm totally in love with this man.

What??? Where the hell did that come from? It's impossible, I can't be in love with him. I'm practically living with Morelli. My body shivered and Ranger trying to comfort me held me tighter. My body began to melt again. Damn traitor. This can't be happening. I'm just overwrought and I'm projecting my pent up emotions on to him. As soon as I get my bearings back, it'll pass.

I began to rationalize my feelings. I'm just confused right now. I've been stunned so many times, I can't think straight. Attraction? Yes, and I'm definitely in lust with him, I mean who wouldn't be. Just look at him. Do I care for him? Absolutely. Hell, I considered him my best friend. He was the one person that I could count on to believe in me. Who made me feel I was capable of doing anything…even flying. But love? No way!

I shivered as a I felt Ranger's mouth on my ear as he whispered, "Babe, I smell something burning."

I was too mentally and physically exhausted to think about this now, so I'm going to do what I do best and divert my attention to something I could deal with…getting Con.

Ranger hadn't loosened his hold on me yet and his closeness was starting to get the better of me. I needed to get myself together before I lost it and said something stupid.

Concentrating on the number of times I'd been stunned and how long I'd been confined to dark closed spaces, I searched for my Jersey attitude and let the Burg girl come out. I focused and began going into full rhino mode for what Con had put me through and the new fear I had acquired. I shivered again, thinking I'll probably never be able to be in a confined space again without reliving the last few hours.

"_It's not Spiro." I said. "It's Con, and he's coming back to kill me. If we hang around we can catch him."_

_Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but there's no "we". I've just had six really bad hours looking for you. I need to know you're safe. Sitting in this house waiting for a homicidal undertaker doesn't feel safe." And he clamped the handcuff back on my wrist. "You've had enough fun for one day," he said. And the other bracelet went on Tank's wrist._

"_What the …" Tank said, caught by surprise. _

I couldn't believe it, Ranger was pulling a macho Morelli move. I was so shocked at the sudden change in his behavior that it took me a few minutes to realize what he was saying.

He ordered Tank to take me to Ella to tend to my wounds and to return me to Morelli.

Well, if he thought he was going to get away with telling me what to do…he was delusional.

_I dug my heels in. "No way!"_

Ranger knew that what he was about to say next would piss the shit out of Stephanie, and it would probably cause an irreparable rift between them. And worst of all, he was going to push her back to Morelli again. But if he had to sacrifice not having her in his life and keeping her alive, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

_Ranger looked at Tank. "I don't care how you do it. Pick her up. Drag her. Whatever. Just get her out of here and keep her safe. And I don't want those bracelets to come off either of you until you hand her over to Morelli."_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Yeah he could get bossy, but he'd always drawn the line at physically forcing me to do something. This is where Ranger and Morelli differed. Even if he wanted to force me to do something, he would control the urge and put a tail on me. In the end, he always gave me the choice. But worst of all, he was sending me back to Morelli…again.

_I glared at Tank. "I'm staying."_

Poor Tank wasn't sure what to do. He kept looking back and forth between the two of us trying to figure out who would be more dangerous to disobey.

_Ranger Locked eyes with me. "Please," he said. Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it. _

Damn him. He was sneaky. He switched tactics and threw me off by doing something I'd never expect. Now I couldn't say no because he was asking me, not telling me.

"_Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane." _

Hal drove while Tank and I sat in the back of the SUV, I was full of questions, but no one was speaking. I was used to Ranger's driving zone and even though it wasn't my nature, I'd learned to deal with it. I figured all the Merry Men had their own version of the same zone and normally I wouldn't mind, but I couldn't take it this time. I needed to know what had happened and how they'd found me.

"_How did you find me?" I asked Tank. _

"_It was Ranger." _

_That was it. Three words. I knew he could talk. I saw him talking to Ranger all the time . _

Hal couldn't hold it in anymore. He jumped into the conversation and started rattling off how intense Ranger was acting during the search. All the things he had put in motion to find me and ensure my safety, including dragging an old lady from her house at gunpoint so that he could look for tax records on any other property Spiro could have owned that he might use as a hide out.

I looked over at Tank who was glaring at Hal for saying so much. With wide eyes, I silently questioned him if it was true. He gave me a slight nod to confirm Hal's words.

Listening to Hal and remembering Ranger's eyes when he found me, I was blown away by the implication. My stomach flip-flopped and my heart soared. Could it be that I meant more to Ranger than just a friend?

But then I remembered his orders to Tank a few minutes ago and all of the painful words he'd spoken to me since our one night together, like, _" My life doesn't lend itself to relationships"…"you're a line item on my budget under entertainment_." Not to mention all of the times he's applied pressure, but always sends me back to Morelli And in a blink of an eye, my soaring heart took a nosedive back to reality.

Stephanie, stop it. You aren't in love with him and he isn't in love with you, so get over it and just accept and be thankful for what you have…his friendship and support.

Joe's face flashed before my eyes and I felt horrible. Throughout my whole ordeal, I hadn't even thought of him once. I was definitely the worst girlfriend in the world.

Any other woman would be dragging Joe down the aisle, ready to make any promise to have him commit to her. And what did I do? Look for any excuse to run away from him, not to mention that my mind wandered more often than it should to another man and unattainable possibilities.

It was late and finishing up with the Trenton PD took longer than he'd expected. Ranger was physically and emotionally exhausted. He walked into his apartment, threw his keys on the side table, not bothering to turn on any lights, went to the refrigerator grabbed a beer and in an uncharacteristic move, plopped down on his couch. He grabbed the remote and turned on his stereo. He took a long drag from his beer, lifted his legs up on the coffee table and threw his head back, letting the music wash over him. Wearing his almost smile, his thoughts wandered to Stephanie. His Babe definitely never disappointed.

He couldn't help but chuckle at how the night ended. Stephanie escaped from Morelli's house with the mutt, stole the Buick and had gone back to the scene of the crime to get her own justice.

They'd been waiting in the house for Con to come back so they could deal with what he'd done to Stephanie, when they heard a loud crash. Thinking their cover had been blown, they came running out of the house with their weapons out and ready for an attack.

But instead they found Steph running the Buick at full speed into Con's car, wedging it into the garage's door. Ranger knew he should try and stop her, but the sight was so surreal that he just stood there and watched. Bob was barking loudly almost appearing to encourage Steph to do it again. And sure enough she did. She backed up and slammed into the car again for good measure.

Steph stepped out of the car and walked Bob to Spiro's lawn to let him tinkle. When he finished she walked up to me and with her eyes sparkling and that beautiful smile that made my heart jump every time she said,_ "I feel better now."_

The guys chuckled and Ranger replied, _"Babe."_

God he loved this woman. There was no way around. No use in denying it to himself anymore.

If there was ever a doubt before, the last day had proven that she'd stolen his heart. What the fuck was he going to do? He wanted her with him for the rest of his life, but he'd never been good at relationships. He actually sucked at them.

Sure he's had plenty of women. Getting laid wasn't the problem; it was the emotional shit that always got him in trouble. He wasn't good at sharing, or showing his emotions, and he knew that most women would never understand what he'd done in his past or his current lifestyle.

They all turned out bad that's why he'd told her he didn't do relationships. Not because he didn't want one with her, but because he knew he'd fuck it up. The way it stood now, he at least had a small part of her.

She was like no other woman he'd ever known. She saw beyond the looks, the money, but most importantly she saw beyond the street image most people couldn't see passed. Her faith in me was overwhelming at times. Never had someone outside of my men demonstrated such blind trust in me. It made me feel less tainted from all of the dark things I've done in my life, and now that it was too late…I couldn't see my life without her.

I was such a fool. I had my chance and I threw it away by sending her back to Morelli. Fuck! I can't believe I sent her back to him again but at that moment her safety had to come before my desires.

I knew I'd hurt her the day after we made love. I saw it in her eyes, but I was a chicken shit and I couldn't handle needing someone as much as I needed her, so I pushed her back to the cop.

All the while, hoping she'd fight me. I knew she hated being told what to do, and that usually caused her to do the opposite. I guess unconsciously, I was testing her.

I remember chanting to myself…"fight me Babe, say no, please say no."

I was holding my breath hoping to hear her yell at me that she didn't want to go back to him. That she wanted to be with me and I'd have to get used to it. That I needed to stop being such a coward and admit I loved her, because what we expressed to each other last night was not just a casual fuck.

But the joke was on me, because for the first time since I'd known her, she didn't react the way I expected. It's when I realized too late that my opinion actually mattered to her. She trusted me, and if I thought she should go back to the cop, then she'd go.

My heart sank when she looked into my eyes with sadness and resignation and whispered, "okay."

Tank was worried about Ranger. He'd never seen him so devastated as when Stephanie left the scene to go back home to Morelli. He tried to convince him to go grab a drink somewhere to unwind, but he just shook his head and said he was going home.

He'd been watching the dance between Ranger and Stephanie for over two years and he didn't understand why they just didn't go for it. If there ever was a woman that was perfect for Carlos it was Stephanie. They all knew it.

She knew he had a dark past, that he had secrets he couldn't tell her, that some people thought he was psycho, specifically Morelli. Hell because of the secret ops they still do for the government, there are plenty of rumors that he's dirty and possibly connected to the mob, although all of it was just gossip. But despite all of those things, she believed in him. She blindly trusted him, like no other person, ironically not even Morelli.

It's funny because we never knew why the boss, was always so fixated on helping the little white girl from the Burg. Most of us recognized she was hot, she sure as hell was entertaining, we never laughed so much as we did when we were on Bombshell duty, but none of us thought she was worth all the trouble and expense Ranger would go through to help her, especially since we knew he wasn't getting laid by her.

But all that changed for us, when Ranger had gone FTA. She was the only one that never doubted he hadn't killed Ramos. She didn't hesitate to help him and even risked her life to prove his innocence. That's when we all finally got what Ranger saw in her.

She was not only beautiful and funny, but she was loyal, trustworthy, she'd do anything to keep her friends safe, and she had a light within her that was like a beacon.

He'd kept his opinions about Ranger's feelings and actions with Stephanie to himself because frankly, she was with the cop and he thought Ranger would eventually get over his feelings for her.

But tonight finally proved to him that Ranger was hooked and that what he felt for Stephanie was real and not going to go away, so he made a decision. He was going to kick Carlos' butt and get him to admit his feelings and go get his woman.

He knew it was late, but something told Tank that Ranger would still be awake. So he took the elevator up to the 7th floor and let himself into the dark apartment.

He was about to turn on the lights, when Ranger said, "Don't."

Tank closed the door and walked towards the couch. "What are you doing in the dark?" He asked.

"I like the dark," Ranger replied. What he didn't say was that he didn't want to turn on the lights because it reminded him that Stephanie wasn't here.

Ever since she had stayed in his apartment during the Slayer incident, his apartment had never felt the same again. It felt empty and cold. The few days they shared the apartment had been the happiest he'd been in a long time, because she had brought light and joy into it and now no matter where he looked there was a memory of her, and he just couldn't think about them tonight.

"Bullshit. And are you listening to?" Tank replied.

"It's jazz and it fits my mood, so drop it."

Tank shook his head. He flipped one of the lamps on and looked at Ranger. Shit, it's worse than I thought.

"Tank, I told you not to turn on the lights," Ranger growled.

"Carlos. Enough. I've stayed quiet because I didn't think it was any of my business what happens between you and Stephanie, but you're my best friend and I can't keep quiet any longer," Tank said.

"You're right, it isn't any of your business," Ranger snapped.

"No it is my business. Because I will not let you drown yourself and the rest of us in misery because you don't have the balls to admit you love her and are too blind to see that she loves you."

Ranger snorted in disgust. "Yeah, sure she does. That's why she's at the cop's house."

Tank noticed that he didn't deny the part about loving her, just about her loving him back. Interesting. Maybe there's hope yet.

He wasn't trying to purposely hurt him, but he needed to make sure Carlos got his point, so he held his gaze and said, "Yeah, she is. But whose fault is that? You're the one that sent her back there."

Ranger inwardly cringed and broke eye contact with Tank. He knew he was right, but he wasn't going to admit it to him.

"I only sent her back to where she wanted to go."

"I guess her nickname for you is on target, because if you really believe that… you are as blind as a bat."

Ranger looked up and gave Tank a warning glare to indicate that this conversation was over, but Tank wasn't going to let it go yet.

As he started to walk back to the door, he tossed out his last jab for the night. "If you bothered to take your head out of your ass when it comes to her, you would've seen she's loved you for a long time, but doesn't think you feel the same way, so she's taken from you the only thing you've offered her…friendship. But don't think for a minute that she doesn't want more. But I warn you Carlos everyone has their limits, even Stephanie, and if you don't get off your ass and do something about it, you are going to lose her forever."

He turned off the light, closed the door, and left Ranger to stew on his words.

Ranger's head was reeling. What the fuck was that all about? Since when did Tank have an inside track on Stephanie's feelings? He had no clue what he was talking about, even though he'd pegged my feelings in one shot.

He closed his eyes again and sighed as he heard the song that began to play in the background. He'd never noticed the lyrics to the song before, but now they were penetrating his mind and mocking him.

_I'm a glum one_

_It's explainable_

_I've met someone _

_Unattainable_

_Life's a bore_

_The world is my _

_oyster no more_

_All the papers _

_Where I lead the news _

_With my capers_

_Now will spread the news_

_Superman turned out to be_

_A flash-in-the-pan_

Wasn't that the truth! Before Stephanie, I thought my life was perfect, plenty of women in my bed, money, success, good friends and no complications. Now look at me I'm a joke. Batman my ass!

_I've flown around the world in a plane_

_I've settled revolutions in Spain_

_The North Pole I have charted_

_But I can't get started with you_

I may not have settled revolutions in Spain, but I've certainly been in plenty dangerous situations and have taken active participation in stopping revolutions in more third world countries that I care to remember.

But faced with the task of declaring my feelings for Stephanie, and I practically shit in my pants.

_Around the golf course I'm under par  
_

_And all the movies want me to star_

_I've built a house and show place_

_But I can't get no place with you_

She doesn't even know that I can play golf, or the fact that I'm not the thug most people think I am or was. The truth is I'm neither of those things. I'm just the rebel child of a wealthy family that has given up on trying to figure me out.

I never owned a house, until she started teasing me about living at the Batcave. Then without realizing it, I built a house just for her. I rationalized it as a good real estate investment, but deep down I did it in the hopes that one day she'd be mine and I could make good on my statement about the Batcave being forever.

_You're so supreme_

_Lyrics that I write of you_

_Scheme, just for a sight of you_

_And I dream both day and night of you_

_And what good does it do_

For longer than I can remember, I'd always found excuses to be in places where I could get a glimpse of her or talk to her so I could see her smile or maybe steal a kiss. She had no idea what those stolen kisses in the alley did to me. How they made me long for her.

But ever since our one night together, my mind is riddled with thoughts of her all day long. The most innocent things will make me think of her. A turn of phrase, a color…even in meetings my mind has wandered to her. Luckily my men are used to my zones when trying to solve a problem and I've perfected my blank face expression, so they haven't caught on that many times, I'm thinking about Stephanie, wondering what she's doing or if she's okay. But in the end, I always snap out of it with the brutal truth that she is with Morelli and not with me.

_In 1929, I sold short_

Well I don't know about selling short in 1929, but the 90's and the dot com era was good to me. I made some great investments that made me more money than I know what to do with. That's why I never cared how many cars my Babe blew up. In a way, I liked being able to do something for her that Morelli couldn't. I know she suspects that they're stolen, but if she talked to my accountant, she'd know that they are all legal and paid for. Luckily, I own a company where it isn't unusual to have cars blow up and I can deduct it as a business expense.

_In London, I'm presented at court_

Ranger smiled to himself, imagining Stephanie's face if she knew that he not only has really been presented at court in London, but he's met the President, along with a few other kings and queens throughout his time in the military and later working with the government.

_But you've got me down hearted, _

_Cause I can't get started with you, with you_

Down hearted??? How about broken hearted? I found the one woman I never thought existed, the perfect woman for me and I'm too scared to make her mine.

As the song finished, Ranger shut off the stereo, got up and resignedly made his way to his bedroom.

Most nights since she left after the Slayer incident, he'd sleep on the couch because he could still smell Stephanie's scent on the sheets even after Ella had washed them a dozen times over, and knew it was only his imagination.

But after tonight's scare where he thought he'd been too late and she was already dead, he needed to feel close to her and the only place he felt that was in his bed they had shared.

Hugging the pillow she used and imagining her scent on it. He closed his eyes and drifted into sleep as he pictured himself spooning her from behind and having her with him if only in his dreams.


	2. Growing Up

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they all belong to Janet Evanovich, and I'm just borrowing them for my amusement and hopefully your enjoyment.

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My one shot "I Can't Get Started" which was based on my vision of EOT's ending from Ranger's POV and my first Plum fan fic appears to have taken a life of its own. Steph and Joe have been badgering me to share their POVs as well, so here is my second attempt at this wonderful new hobby I've become addicted to.

Still taking baby steps, so please be gentle with me, but again I definitely would love to hear from you and receive feedback, so I can improve my writing. I hope you enjoy!

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**Growing Up - Stephanie's POV**

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I jolted awake. Drenched in sweat, heart beating so fast I thought it was going to jump out of my body. I heard a shrill scream, only to realize it was coming from me. I rubbed my eyes trying to adjust to the darkness surrounding me. Disoriented and not sure where I was, immobilizing fear took me over. I was gasping for air and thought I would pass out any minute, when I felt strong arms grab me from behind, my body stiffened. Oh my god, Stiva got out on bail and had come back to kill me.

I began to scream and thrash my body trying to break the hold he had on me, but he was stronger than I'd imagined and I couldn't get free. I heard him saying my name, but the roar in my ears from the panic I was experiencing made everything sound muffled, so I couldn't make out what he was saying to me. All I could tell is that he kept repeating the same words over and over. Then something about the tone of his voice caught my attention. I thought he was taunting me but my body began to unexpectedly relax the more I listened to the tone of his voice, and then slowly I began to actually hear what he had been repeating, "Steph, you're okay… it's just a dream."

After hearing the words repeated a few times, I realized where I was and who was holding me…it was Joe. I intellectually knew it was just another one of the nightmares I'd been having for the past few weeks, but the fear that Joe was the dream and not the other way around made me seek reassurance. "Joe?" I whispered in a strangled voice.

"Yeah, Cupcake…it's me. Are you okay?" He asked with worry in his voice.

Knowing he was next to me and the worry that I heard in his voice, cracked the last bit of control I had been holding on to for weeks. Without warning I began to sob and all the pent up emotion I'd been holding in was rushing out of me. No matter how much I tried to gain control, I couldn't. My body shook from fear and despair. I felt as if something integral in my life was gone, but I couldn't figure out what was missing.

After what seemed like hours, I was exhausted from letting all of my emotions out. My eyes were almost swollen shut from the amount of tears that I had cried, and my body felt like it had been hit by a truck. I'd come to the end of my meltdown and through it all, Joe had just held me, whispering that it would all be okay. My exhaustion and his soothing tone, was slowly lulling me to sleep until I felt darkness take over.

I slowly awoke the next morning when I felt the sun shining through the window hit my face. I looked around to see if last night had just been one long dream, or if in fact I'd broken down in front of Joe.

The first thing that surprised me was to find Joe still in bed, spooning me from behind with a tight hold around my stomach as if to ensure I didn't get away. This was not something that happened often, as matter of fact, I can't remember the last time that I woke up in Joe's arms. It dawned on me at that moment that Joe didn't really cuddle much, and if there was going to be physical contact it was for mind blowing sex, not for comfort so I was a bit thrown by this sudden change in behavior.

My train of thought was cut short, when I felt Joe nuzzle my neck. Now this is the Joe I know. But he didn't follow through with any more contact other than to give me a chaste kiss on my neck.

"Good morning Cupcake. Are you feeling better?" He asked with his voice still thick from sleep.

I suddenly had a lump in my throat and couldn't seem to get any words out, so I just nodded my head.

"Are you sure?" Joe asked not totally convinced with my response.

Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat and whispered, "Yeah…I'm sure."

He sighed and ran his hands through his thick dark locks while he tried to formulate his next thoughts. "You scared me last night Steph. It took me a long time to get you to wake up. How long have you been having these nightmares?"

I shrugged, trying to brush off the subject. Not wanting him to see how much the nightmares were affecting me. I wasn't ready to tell him the truth yet, but I knew he wasn't going to let it go, so I decided to answer his question as vaguely as possible. I didn't want to give him any more ammunition about changing my job or how I'm making him get an ulcer.

"Cupcake?" He asked again with his "don't even think about lying to me" cop voice he uses when trying to get information during an interrogation.

I was physically and emotionally spent from everything that had been happening to me since I was kidnapped by Stiva, and I didn't have the energy to go a full round with him on my career choices or his opinion of how inept I was at performing my job.

I tried to keep my voice as neutral as possible to show him it wasn't as bad as he thought. "I don't know…for a while now I guess, but it's getting better."

"Cupcake if what happened last night is what you call better, you're not doing too good. Is this why you've been avoiding me for the last couple of weeks?"

I looked away not able to meet his eyes and nodded my head in response. My body tensed up waiting for Joe to explode, but for the first time since I could remember he didn't react the way I expected and he just stayed quiet, as if he was at a loss for words.

I looked back up at him after a few minutes, uncomfortable with his silence. I always hated Joe's yelling and hotheadedness, but I understood it. He's Italian, from the Burg and most of all a Morelli, so a hot temper was expected. More importantly I knew how to respond to it. But his silence was playing a head game with me. I wasn't use to a calm Joe, and I wasn't quite sure how to react to him, so I bit my tongue and waited him out.

He finally looked into my eyes and said, "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I've been asking myself why my girlfriend didn't think she could tell me she was hurting so much? Why would she purposely avoid me so that I wouldn't find out? And I just can't come up with an answer."

The pain and sadness that I saw in his eyes and heard in his voice made me feel like shit, but he was right. I didn't know what to say to him to justify my silence. Although my nightmares were a reason for my avoidance of him lately, they were secondary to the truth I could no longer deny. I loved Ranger, too. And that realization was rocking me to the core.

I don't know how it happened or exactly when, but I loved two men and I didn't know what to do about it. And for the first time in my life, my denial skills weren't cooperating. My ability to push what I didn't want to face to the back of my brain wasn't working anymore. So I was doing something lately I wasn't totally comfortable with and didn't have a lot of experience in…soul searching. But no matter how many ways I looked at the situation or tried to figure out who and what I really wanted, all I ever really accomplished was tying myself into knots.

On the one hand, I had Joe Morelli, hot sexy Italian Trenton police detective. He's been in and out of my life since I can remember and was my first in many things. He had movie star looks and was considered the hottest catch in the Burg and he wanted me, at least most days. He'd asked me to marry him several times, and once it seemed like we were going to go through with it, but something…usually my job, always seemed to get in the way. The problem with Joe is that he seemed to really love me and truly want to marry me, but at the price of changing me into what he thought I should be instead of accepting me for who I am.

Then there was the mystery man, Ricardo Carlos Manoso, better know as Ranger, who came into my life almost three years ago, when I'd blackmailed my cousin Vinnie into giving me a job as an Apprehension Bond Agent, AKA Bounty Hunter.

He was a hot Cuban Sex God. Wherever he went, women seemed to walk into walls and if he flashed them a smile, they'd practically swoon. He was ex-Special Forces, he owned his own security firm, seemed to be independently wealthy and for fun he was a bad-ass Bounty Hunter.

Connie, Vinnie's office manager, had called in a favor and asked Ranger to give me a crash course in bounty hunting back then. To this day, I'm not sure why he really agreed to meet me, but I'm glad he did. Since the first day I saw him, I instinctively trusted him, and so began our mentor/mentee relationship. Ranger is the one person that has always supported my professional decision to become a bounty hunter. He was skeptical at first, but when he saw my determination to get my skips, he was always there to watch my back and not once has he let me down.

The irony was that Ranger, the other man I loved, was the one person who didn't want to change me and accepted me for who and what I wanted to be. The problem was he didn't want me, not totally anyway. I knew there was a physical attraction. No one could deny the sexual tension between us, but that's all he wanted and I just wasn't built for casual sex. It's not that I wanted to necessarily get married, because honestly after my last fiasco, I didn't know if that was something that I ever wanted to try again, but I did want to be in a committed relationship.

During one of my off-again moments with Morelli, we had one perfect night together that is permanently burnt into my brain. For twelve hours, Ranger the emotionally distant man disappeared and turned into Ricardo the passionate lover. The man that made my body react in ways I'd never experienced. He had slowly, lovingly worshipped my body and soul. Asking me what I wanted and then giving me that and more. I had never felt so loved before, not even with Joe. I guess looking back that was the night that cemented my love for him.

Unfortunately, it looked like my feelings weren't reciprocated and after that one night he shattered my heart. He'd sent me back to Morelli, because his life didn't lend itself to relationships.

After that night, it was tough for a while between us. We'd promised to always be friends no matter what, but it took a while to become comfortable around each other again. And for the most part, that's what we are…friends. Except for those moments he throws me off balance by giving me these bone melting kisses when I least expect them. It always takes me a few minutes to get out of the daze before I stop him and remind him that he is poaching. But those moments are far and few between. However, his support is unwavering. He offers me cars whenever one of mine blows up, he has his Merry Men watch me when my life is in danger, which unfortunately is pretty often, and he drops everything if I need him. He's even killed for me. At least I'm pretty sure he has. I've never been brave enough to ask him outright. So I knew his interest in me was more than sexual. Men, especially men like Ranger, didn't waste their time on things or people they don't value. But he's also made it clear that his love for me was not the kind I was looking for. He made sure to always qualify his declarations of love with words like, "in his own way" or "with a condom." Something almost purposely cruel to diminish the slip of the tongue he'd made.

Joe cleared his throat. Shaking me from my internal musing. Knowing he was waiting for an answer, I wasn't sure I could give him.

I looked back into his eyes and I saw something I'd never seen before, uncertainty. He seemed nervous almost fearful of what my answer was going to be. As if he knew what my internal debate was about. God I hope I didn't say anything out loud. I had a tendency to do that sometimes.

My eyes softened and my heart melted when he gave me a small expectant smile. In that moment, I made a decision.

I did love two men, but the reality is that only one was willing to make a life with me, so I needed to stop playing games and focus on him. I know that my feelings for Ranger went deep, but he'd made it clear there would never be a future for us, so I needed to get over him. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I instantly felt another crack in my already fragile heart, but if I couldn't have his love then I'd take what I could get, what he's always offered freely…his friendship.

Now I just had to make Joe understand, because even if I was willing to give up hope on Ranger ever loving me back, he'd become my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Okay Stephanie, it's time to grow up and the way to start is to open myself up to Joe and be honest. But I also knew that for us to have a fair chance, there would have to be compromises made by both of us. I just hope I was reading him right and that he was ready and willing to truly listen to me before he made up his mind.

I took a deep breath and mentally crossed my fingers. Here goes nothing.

"Joe, the truth is that I didn't think you'd understand. I told myself that if you knew about the fear and panic that had become my constant companions for the last few weeks, it would just fuel your anger and encourage you to continue to insist I quit my job or criticize my career choices."

"Cupcake, I'm not going to lie and tell you I don't wish you'd quit your job, but I'm not as ruthless as you appear to think I am. I would never use your fear or nightmares to make my point." He replied sadly.

"Oh Joe, I didn't mean to imply you were ruthless or heartless for that matter, but you have to admit we have a recurring behavior pattern whenever I get in trouble. You yell and scream and tell me to quit and I hate anyone telling me what to do, so I immediately reject anything you say because I refuse to be ordered around. And the next thing you know, we're off again."

"I guess when you put it like that, I can't really argue. We definitely have our parts down pat when it comes to this issue."

"Yeah, the Burg definitely trained us well. Even though you and I have always thought we transcended the Burg, it's something we weren't able to totally shake." I said with my first real smile in a long time. I shrugged and continued, "But the truth is, I just didn't have the energy to go at it with you. Our fights require my full strength and I just didn't have it in me."

"Steph, I know I complain a lot about your job, but that's just because I love you and worry about you. It really isn't about me not thinking you're smart, although some times in my anger I'm sure it comes across that way. I know I never say this to you, and you take a lot of ribbing from everyone down at the precinct, but the truth is that we all think you're pretty smart and your luck amazes us."

With an amused grin that started to form on his face he continued, "But Cupcake, you have to admit the situations you get yourself into sometimes border on the comical. The fact of the matter is that your escapades amuse us and in the shit we usually have to deal with, you're a welcome distraction."

I could tell he wasn't trying to put me down and if I thought about it, I did get into some crazy situations. Half the time, I caught myself wanting to say why me? I seem to be a magnet for all of the psychos and if I was honest with myself not being trained doesn't help any.

I didn't know what to say, I was so caught off balance by his calmness. I wasn't use to having rational conversations with Joe about my job and it had caused me to be at a loss for words, so I gave him a slight nod to acknowledge that I was listening.

He nodded and continued. "What makes me crazy about you to the point that I lose all control is that you refuse to train, you jump into things without thinking them through first, and you don't know when to quit which is why you find yourself in so many bad situations."

Now that he wasn't yelling, I couldn't really argue with some of the things he was saying, especially the part about not getting the right training. Deep down I knew that I was being unreasonable about it and I really didn't have a good reason not to…well other than I hate to exercise and my fear of guns. But if I wanted to be taken seriously as a bounty hunter and not be the butt of jokes, I had to give in and get over my hang ups. After all, Joe wasn't the only one that thought I needed more training. Ranger agreed and in his own way, he'd been trying to move me along the right path, I'd just been too stubborn to accept his help.

The truth was, I relied on my spidey sense a lot, which I'd learned to trust. He was right though, my problem was that I reacted to situations rather than planned for them and I always felt I needed to do everything by myself. Thinking that asking for help would be seen as a weakness. But ironically in the end, I always expected to be rescued by Ranger, so I guess I've been my own worst enemy when it comes to being taken seriously.

I'd been thinking about this for a while, and I realized that my point of view on this issue was totally wrong. I looked at both Ranger and Joe, and they were the best at what they did and they certainly weren't perceived as weak. But part of the reason why they were so good was because they planned everything out, even the what could go wrongs, and they always went in with back up.

I could feel Joe watching me. Waiting to see how I would react to his words. I'm sure my quietness and calm was throwing him off just as much. In all the time we've been together, we've never had such a civil conversation about this subject.

I'm not sure what had changed, but I felt that Joe was really trying to understand my point of view and let me in on his, too. And maybe he was finally ready to make some compromises to strengthen our relationship. So I needed to show him that I was listening to him, too.

This was going to be hard. I wasn't use to acknowledging my faults and weaknesses, especially to someone I was dating, but if I'm going to give this thing with Joe a real shot, then this needed to be the first step.

I struggled to get my words together before I said, "You're right."

Joe's head snapped up and his gaze almost knocked me over. "I'm right?" He asked incredulously.

I gave him a small smile and simply replied, "Yes."

I held up my hand to stop him from asking any more questions. I needed to finish what I wanted to say before I chickened out.

"I need to ask you a few questions before we come back to this subject."

"Okay."

I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and began. "First, I need to know how serious you are about us? You once told me that there was a "you", a "me" and that sometimes we were together but that there was no "us." Is that still how your position?"

He winced as he heard his words being repeated back to him. He shook his head, looked directly into my eyes so that I could see the sincerity in his reply. " I was a real asshole when I said that. I was pissed and I wanted to hurt you, but I regretted the words before I even finished saying them. I didn't mean them then, and I definitely don't mean them now. I want a future with you Steph. I'm not sure either of us are ready for marriage yet, but I do know that I want to have that someday and I want it to be with you."

My eyes watered and a lump formed in my throat. Some of what he was saying to me scared me to death, but he was talking about the future so I could handle it for now. What blew me away was that I finally truly believed he loved me. I know he'd said the words before, but I don't think I ever really believed him until this exact moment.

I wanted to through myself into his arms, but I knew that if I didn't get the rest out now, we'd never really have a real chance together, so I smiled at him and nodded my head.

Looking down and in a shaky voice, I continued. "With the exception of our off periods, which I don't want to know about. Have you been faithful to me? More importantly, if we really give ourselves a chance, can you stay faithful to me?"

He shot me a shocked look. Not expecting me to be so blunt about this topic, but he needed to understand that I couldn't deal with another Dickie situation and if he had the slightest doubt, I needed to know that now.

"Do you trust me, Cupcake?"

"I think I do, but I've been wrong before and I can't go through that again. The reality is that Joyce did me a favor, because I didn't really love Dickie and she wasn't the first. But this would be different. I'm not sure I could survive another humiliation especially from someone that I did love. And frankly your working relationship with Teri Gillman has always made me wonder."

"No offense Cupcake, but whose calling the kettle black. There is no difference between my working relationship with Teri and yours with Ranger."

"Maybe, but I don't think it's quite the same. First, you and Teri have a history, and second but more importantly, I've been cheated on and know first hand how awful that feels, and as a result I would never do that to someone else."

"You're right Teri and I do have a history, but that is exactly what it is…history. And as for our working relationship…it's strictly business. I promise you Stephanie that I've never been with Teri while I've been with you. Can you say the same for you and Ranger?"

This was the moment of truth. How much do I tell him about my relationship with Ranger. I took a deep breath and said, "I've never been with Ranger while we've been together. But I'm not going to lie, there have been a few stolen kisses when you and I have been at odds."

I saw Joe's jaw clench and a flash go through his eyes, before he put on his cop face.

"Only kisses…never anything more?" His tone implied that he knew about our one night together, but I'm not asking him about his off time, so I'm not going to feel guilty about mine.

I stared him directly in the eyes and he could interpret what I was about to say as he chose, but I wasn't going to admit anything to our off time. "While we've been officially together, I've never cheated on you Joe and I never will. And if we decide this is something we really want, I promise that there won't be anymore stolen kisses either. Now the question becomes do you trust me?"

He searched my face for quite a while I wasn't sure what it was he was looking for, but I guess he found it because he nodded his head.

I gathered my courage knowing that this final topic was our biggest issue, the one that seemed to tear us apart every time. My job.

"Okay then...here comes the hardest question of all. Do we have chance of truly being together if I keep my job?"

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair before replying, "I don't know."

My heart sank. We were doomed. I didn't want to give up my job and he couldn't accept it. Okay Steph, here is where you have to take the first step and become a grown up.

"How about if we come to an agreement about some of the things that historically bothered you about my job?"

"I can't make any promises, but I'm willing to listen. What do you have in mind?"

This was better than I expected. At least he's willing to listen.

"Alright let's take one concern at a time. How about if I agree to take self-defense classes and get training with my gun?"

"So far so good, I'd want to be a part of your training to ensure you are learning the right skills. What else?"

"How about if I find someone not so closely tied to me to teach me, but you can observe my progress as I pass through each level?"

"Not my preference, but I can live with that."

"I limit my exposure to danger by continuing my work at Rangeman as a research analyst and if I do go out in the field I always take a partner."

His jaw was clenching again, I could see the toll it was taking on him to control his temper. "I don't like you working for Ranger. He's a loose canon and I don't like how he looks at you."

"I thought you said you trusted me?"

"I do, but I don't trust Ranger. You just finished telling me that he took advantage of our disagreements by kissing you. What's going to stop him now?"

"I am." I replied definitively.

"You didn't before," He snorted.

"You're right, I didn't. The difference now is that I'll be sure about where we stand as a couple, and I never really was before. I always had my doubts I was just a temporary distraction for you."

"Steph, you were never just a distraction to me. I've always wanted you to be mine."

"Fair enough, but your love and commitment has always had conditions. I always felt that you wanted me but only if I changed into the person you thought I should be, not the person I am and want to be."

"I just wanted you to be safe." Joe insisted.

"Joe it was more than just about my safety and you know it. You and my mother are constantly trying to change me into the typical Burg wife, and I'm just not cut out for that and honestly I'm not sure I ever will be. I'm not ruling it out completely, but I don't see it in my near future. I know that having kids is something you really want and we can talk about it, but right now the thought of having a kid scares the crap out of me. Then there is my job. I like what I do. I like figuring things out. I like the action and most of all I like the freedom it gives me. I need to know that if we give this a real try you are going to accept me for who I am and an important part of my life is my friendship with Ranger. For the longest time, he was the only one that believed in me and supported me in my choices. He is one of my best friends and if you know anything about me, you know that my friends are everything to me. So I need to know you can deal with all of this, because if you can't then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to stay together. We both deserve to be happy."

"Okay, you're right. I haven't been very supportive, but it's tough being ribbed all day about your girlfriend that is constantly being chased by psychos, and putting herself in harms way. Not to mention the multiple pools that are constantly being run on your antics. But if you go through with your training, you focus more on the research and when you are in the field you're with a trained partner, I'll make every effort to be supportive of your career. No more sly comments or sarcastic barbs, and definitely no more career advice. I'll even back you up with your mom."

I gave him one of my best smiles for the back up offer with my mom. That would definitely keep my mother in check, if she saw Joe was supporting me.

"But Cupcake, I still have reservations about working for Ranger. I heard what you said and I know that he's always been there for you, and I'm not saying to cut him off as a friend, but I'm not sure if I can handle you working for him. He has feelings for you that go deeper than friendship and if you are with him everyday, I think he'll try to continue to apply pressure on you."

"Look at me Joe. It's important that you believe what I'm going to say next. Nothing is ever going to happen between Ranger and I. Yes, we support each other and watch each other's backs, but all we will ever be are friends…nothing more." He doesn't need to know why I'm so sure of this statement, or the fact that this discussion has already occurred between me and Ranger and it is crystal clear that he doesn't do relationships and I don't do casual sex, so there can never be anything else but friendship.

"So I guess Joe the ball is in your court. Am I enough for you just the way I am or do you need more than I can offer you? I want you to know that there is no pressure. I want you to really think about this for a while before you let me know your decision. Okay?"

"Cupcake, I don't have to think about it."

"No Joe this is important…for both of us. Please think about it for at least a couple of days."

"Okay, I will but I know that I won't change my mind."

"Thanks." I gave him a kiss to convey the hope I had for us, but cut it short before it got out of control. I got out of bed, picked up my clothes and headed for the bathroom. When I came back to the room, Joe wasn't there, but I could here him downstairs in the kitchen. I grabbed the rest of my stuff and through it in my bag and started heading down the stairs. Taking everything in about the house and memorizing it. Knowing that it was possible that I'd never be here like this again.

As I leaned on the doorframe of the kitchen, I watched Joe move around making coffee and throwing a quick breakfast together. I never really got many chances to take him in without notice. He was truly gorgeous. His body was long and lean, his abs are rock hard, he's known to have the best ass in Trenton, and his face was like a movie stars. I let out a small sigh and he turned around with a wicked smile. "See something you like, Cupcake?"

I laughed as I felt the blush come up my cheeks, but I saucily retorted, "Yup, I sure do, but that hasn't ever really been our problem now has it?"

He chuckled, "Yeah, I guess you're right. We've always been pretty amazing in that department. Haven't we?"

It was my turn to wickedly smile. "Yup…amazing definitely is a good word. I've certainly never had any complaints."

"Ditto." He winked and smiled.

"So I guess I better get out of here and give you some time and space to think, but before I go I just want to say one last thing."

"Okay…shoot."

"I think we can be happy together, if we both make the effort to always be honest, trusting, and accepting of each other for who we are. But if you decide this is too much for you, I hope we can always be friends because I couldn't imagine my life without you in it." And then I finally said the three words that I was never able to say before, "I love you."

I turned around and headed out the door. As the door closed, I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard him whisper, "I love you, too."


	3. Unexpected Compromises

**Disclaimer:** None of the characters are mine, they all belong to Janet Evanovich, and I'm just borrowing them for my amusement and hopefully your enjoyment.

**A huge thanks to Stayce for your encouragement, great eyes and teaching me how to speak "Jersey". I couldn't have done it without you!!!**

**Warning:** I know you're all going to question my "Babeness", but I promise you I'm all about the Man in Black.

Unfortunately my muse and I don't always see eye to eye. This chapter didn't even remotely come out like my original outline, but I'm still new at this game and the muse is playing with my mind. All I can say is that I've put her in obedience class so that she follows my lead next time and not the other way around. ;)

Babes don't give up on me yet. Please have a little faith and hang in there with me. I promise I'm trying to get back to some Ranger lovin, but the muse isn't playing nice yet.

Maybe if she hears from you and knows how you guys feel, she'll be more agreeable to get Ranger back in the picture.

**Please R&R so that I can get her back on track and get more Ranger and less Joe in these updates!**

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**Unexpected Compromises - Joe's POV**

After making love, I usually turn over and go right to sleep, but tonight sleep just wouldn't come. I couldn't take my eyes off of Stephanie while she slept in my bed for the first time in weeks. It took every bit of charm I had to convince her to come over tonight. She tried to get out of it, but I laid it on so thick about Bob and the boys missing her and even threw in the promise of Pino's that she finally said yes.

When she first came in I was shocked at how thin she'd gotten in the last couple of weeks. She looked tired and the dark circles under her eyes meant she wasn't sleeping well. She was trying to hide how bad she looked with layers of makeup, but it couldn't cover up how gaunt she was.

She seemed nervous when she first got here. She couldn't look me in the eye and was way too quiet. I knew something was wrong with her. When I asked her what was going on she shrugged and said, "I've been suffering from a little insomnia. No big deal."

When she took a piece of pizza and only nibbled on it a little before tossing it to Bob, I knew something wasn't right. So I asked again, "Are you sure everything's okay Steph? You're not eating."

She didn't look up at me but her voice was sharp when she answered, "Everything is fine Joe. I just want to lose a few pounds because my jeans are getting too tight. Is that okay with you?"

I knew she was covering something up and that she wasn't ready to talk about it. My instinct was to push her to tell me what was going on, but the one thing I learned about Steph was to not push her when she didn't want to talk about something. It just made her more tight-lipped and it usually ended in an argument where I would yell and she would get her stuff and leave. I normally pushed her anyway, but I didn't want her to go tonight so I just nodded and changed the subject.

The rest of the night was pretty low key. We watched a Ranger's game, we walked Bob around the neighborhood, and when we got back I tried to seduce her, but it felt forced… like she wasn't sure about letting it heat up between us. At first I was thrown off because sex was the one thing that never was a problem between us.

Our sexual drives were in sync and we could please each other. But I guess the awkwardness of the last few weeks was creating a bigger gap between us than I'd thought. She was keeping her distance. Almost as if she was trying to slowly disconnect from me.

Why she was shutting me out? Did she want to call it quits and just didn't know how?

I panicked. NO! I can't lose her! But I'm not good at dealing with emotions, so instead of trying to talk to her about my feelings I took the easy way out and began to kiss that spot behind her ear that drives her crazy. She seemed to fight it at first, but her hormones finally took over and her body began to respond and melt into me. As soon as I felt her body relax, I began to do things to her I'd never done before. I wanted to tell her without words how much I loved her and she seemed to enjoy it, I know I did.

But minutes after we were both sated, ironically she turned over and fell asleep.

I've been watching her ever since. I looked at the clock, a couple of hours had passed and I was no closer to sleep or figuring out how to get Stephanie to open up. I had a nagging feeling that something big was going on with her it, but I didn't have a clue about how to get her to tell me what it was.

My mind raced…wondering what was going on with her. Was another psycho after her or was it about us?

For the first time in three years, I doubted my place in her life…in her heart. The future I've always been sure would eventually be ours, seemed to be slipping away from me and I wasn't sure how to stop it.

The last couple of weeks have been eye opening for me. Although Steph has been in more bad situations than I care to remember, something about this last one has changed her.

Yet again, I wasn't there for her. I hated the fact that Ranger always came to her rescue, but what drove me even crazier was the fact that Steph always turned to him first.

She knew I'd help her if I could, but she never asked for my help until there were no other options. Yet at the first sign of trouble, she'd turn to Ranger every time. She had a blind trust in him that I couldn't deal with.

We've known each other since we were kids and she never had that unwavering trust in me. Then here comes a guy who she's only known for a few years and is surrounded by mystery and gave the illusion of not always be on the right side of the law, and she implicitly trusts him with her life…no questions asked.

What the hell does that say about me…about us?

I'm ready now. I know what I want and that's a life with Stephanie, but I also know that we need to change the way we deal with each other.

It's getting to hard. It's starting to hurt too much…starting to look too familiar. Our relationship was diving into the crapper. We're both hot headed and stubborn, so our fighting is usually pretty loud, but lately it's been getting vicious and I don't want to go down that road anymore. I know that road. I lived on that road, because I saw my parents go down it until my dad drank himself to death.

I promised myself I'd never be like my father or any of the other Morelli men for that matter. I'd do better. Show everyone that not all Morelli men were losers…destructive, abusive, unfaithful men that took their women for granted and expected them to be grateful for what little they got.

But I guess genes and conditioning are harder to fight than I thought.

Granted I've never raised a hand to Steph, but I've definitely screwed with her mind and self-esteem.

I mentally cringe thinking back to all of the condescending things that have come out of my mouth over the years. Attacking her every chance I got about her abilities to do her job or constantly calling her a walking disaster. As for the rest of the Morelli legacy, I'm certainly living up to it as well.

I thought I'd succeeded in overcoming the Morelli stereotype. I joined the Navy, became a cop, didn't excessively drink and was an overall upstanding citizen.

But looking back at my behavior with Stephanie, I came to the harsh realization that I unwillingly was starting to become exactly the same as the rest of the men in my family. The only difference…I wasn't an unemployed drunk, which in hindsight seems like a pretty small victory.

But what really surprised me was that somewhere along the line, I've started to succumb to the Burg's expectations. Yeah it's my roots, but I've never followed Burg rules…shit I was a hellion as a kid and even now I'm still a rebel in my own way. Yeah, I'm a cop and I don't break the law. But I also don't have a problem breaking the rules when I think I need to, or looking the other way when I know it's for the greater good. Shit if Abruzzi's supposed suicide wasn't an example of looking the other way, I don't known what is?

So, I don't know why all of a sudden I care so much about what the Burg thinks about Stephanie or me.

Hell the whole reason that I'd been attracted to Stephanie since I was a kid was because she was different than all the other girls in the Burg. She was unique, fearless, and beautiful without knowing it, but most of all, she never cared what other people thought, which I'm forever grateful for because she would've never given me the time of day if she did.

So I didn't understand why I was having such a hard time with accepting her life choices or for being true to herself…then it hit me.

She was still trying to find her place in the world. Trying to find the one thing that made her feel like she could fly. She accepted the fact; she was never going to live up to the Burg's expectations and overall she was okay with that.

Unfortunately at some point without me even realizing it, I've unconsciously been trying to prove I'm able to accomplish what no other Morelli man has ever been able to achieve before…to have the perfect "Burg family."

And that was the crux of our problem. We've got diametrically opposing desires that are tearing us apart…she wants to prove she can fly and I want to prove that I can be a good family man.

For the past couple of weeks, all I've been thinking about are ways to close the gap between our two dreams, because the one thing I know for sure is that for my dream to come true, Stephanie has to be a part of it.

I've gone through all of the scenarios in my mind. Ways I can convince her to finally commit to me. I even started a "pros and cons" list. Thinking if I saw all the good and bad on paper, I could figure out a solution.

But I'm coming up empty. The only thing I'm one hundred percent sure of is that I love her more than I've ever let myself admit. She's become my world and I don't know if I can live without her.

So I guess the ball's in my court, I'm the one that has to make the effort. I have to find a way to truly accept her life choices and keep trying to find ways we can both achieve our dreams…together. I just hope I'm not too late.

I've fucked up a lot where Stephanie is concerned. My behavior towards her has sucked. Between constantly nagging her to change her job, chipping away at her self-esteem, and never supporting her when her mother goes on the attack, it's actually a miracle that she's stuck around so long.

But my fuck ups don't end there, she just doesn't know about them and I hope she never does. Because I've made the biggest mistake of all, I've been unfaithful to her for no other reason than because I could. I feel guilty for all of the shit I've put her through, but the infidelities are my biggest regrets. I know that those are mistakes she'll never forgive. But even more importantly because if she finds out, it's going to prove her biggest fear…that she isn't worthy of true love. It'll destroy her, along with any possibility for an 'us.'

I mentally kick myself when I think of how stupid I've been. The first time was with Teri Gilman. Steph and I hadn't been dating that long and we'd been getting into lots of fights because of her job. I wasn't sure we'd get over our differences, so I convinced myself that it was no big deal to sleep with somebody else because the chance of staying together was so small.

The second time, we'd been dating for over a year and it was all about being horny and wanting to get laid. I was on a stake out with a female FBI agent and our cover was to pretend we were a couple at a club. To make ourselves look believable and blend in with the crowd, we had a few drinks, and made out with each other, so that we'd be ignored by our targets. The agent was hot, I'd been away from home for few weeks, so I was horny and the making out became more than just an act. Before I knew it we were told to call it night and instead of going back to my hotel room alone, I brought the agent back with me and we went at it like rabbits.

The next morning I felt like shit. I'd not only pulled one of my disappearing acts on Steph, I cheated on her, too. She was waiting for me at home, trusting me to not be like the other men in her life, and I was fucking someone else's brains out.

But Stephanie isn't the only one that's good at denial, and until a couple of days ago I pushed the incidents to the back of my mind, and told myself they were no big deal…just a couple of flukes and it would never happen again, and it hasn't. But I also can't deny I've come damn close to cheating more times than I care to admit in the last year.

Fortunately I've stopped thinking with my dick, and I've actually thought about someone else's needs and feelings beside my own.

There were a couple of very close calls, and what stopped me each time was the image of Stephanie's face if she ever found out. The look of betrayal, anger, and sadness I could picture so perfectly in her eyes, stopped me cold every time.

Steph was screwed over every time she ever cared about somebody, and I probably started the whole thing when I was too stupid and cocky to care about anybody or anything past who I was going to lay next.

I took her virginity at sixteen behind the Tasty Pastry Èclair case two days before I left for the Navy, and then added insult to injury by never calling her again and bragging about it on the wall of Mario's sub shop and the school stadium.

If she only knew the truth about what making love to her that day meant to me. With a small smile, I was taken back to that moment.

_My mom yelled from the kitchen, "Joey, can you please go to the Tasty Pastry and get some canolli for dessert?" I jumped at the chance to see if I would run into Stephanie. We didn't really hang out together because I was a couple of years ahead of her, but she was a girl that I'd always wanted and I only had a couple of days left in town. I definitely sowed my wild oats and went through a lot of girls, but she had always intrigued me._

_I walked into the store and found that she was alone and ready to close. I remember giving her my best smile, the one that had gotten me into so many other girls' pants._

_I could tell she was nervous by the hitch in her voice when she asked, "Can I help you with something?"_

_"Yeah, I came to buy some Canolli for my mom."_

_She nervously said, "Um…yeah, I think we have a few left. Let me check." She walked to another display and said, "I have four left…um…do you want them?"_

_"Yeah," I responded to her with another smile._

_And then I really don't know what made me do it, but while she was boxing the desserts up, I walked around the counter and pushed her against the display case._

_Before I knew it, I was kissing her and I lost it when she got over her surprise and opened her mouth and began to match my kiss with a passion I wasn't expecting. I began to take her clothes off and pushed her onto the floor behind the Èclair counter, and took her._

_She gave herself so willingly that I didn't realize until it was too late that she was a virgin and I'd fucked up. She of all people didn't deserve to lose her virginity that way._

_I felt like shit and I wasn't sure what to say or do, so I went into my "I'm cool and you're lucky you got me" attitude and I put my clothes on, grabbed the box of canolli, gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her "Thanks Cupcake…that was great," and walked out._

_After I got home, I couldn't get her out of my mind. She had rocked my world like no other girl. Even though she was a virgin, she had a natural sensuality that had captivated me, but I was leaving in two days. There was no point in starting something that couldn't go anywhere, so I didn't call her or see her again until I was on leave almost two years later._

_God, I was such an asshole. Knowing that I fucked up, I still only thought about myself. I would be gone for a long time and I knew she'd probably be taken by the time I got back; so I wanted to let everyone know that I'd been her first. It didn't even cross my mind about what she'd go through for the next two years because of my bragging._

_I came back on leave almost two years later. She was eighteen and ready to graduate. I had kept up with her life through the Burg grapevine and had heard that she'd been the brunt of a lot of jokes and teasing after I left, not to mention that the entire Burg including her parents found out about it._

_I felt like shit and I was hoping to run into her while I was in town, so that I could apologize to her. The Navy had changed me a lot. I grew up. I wasn't the same selfish punk who didn't think about the consequences she'd have to face because I thought I was God's gift to women. I wanted her to know I was truly sorry for how I had treated her._

_What I didn't expect was that Stephanie would still be holding onto her anger about that night. She saw me walking down the street, and her 'act now, think later' attitude kicked in and she drove her father's car right into me and broke my leg. She got out of the car, looked me straight in the eye and said "You still got off easy," and walked backed to her car and took off._

_Shit! No wonder she doesn't trust me. Why would she? I took her virginity, bragged about it, and then never really apologized for it. I was such a schmuck!_

I was startled from my memories and self-recriminations when Steph jolted awake.

Drenched in sweat, her heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to jump out of her body. She screamed Ranger's name over and over, asking him to please save her and not let her die.

My hands immediately curled into fists and I felt my jaw tense at the thought of her asking for him instead of me. My heart sank as I realized that I was losing her to him.

Fuck! There's no way I'm letting her go without a fight.

She was pulling away…leaning on Manoso more and more and moving farther away from me everyday. I felt like she was slipping through my fingers and I didn't know what to do to stop it, but I'd be damned if I was going to let him take her away from me.

She was disoriented, not sure where she was. It looked like she was still in the middle of her nightmare, so I hugged her from behind and began to whisper over and over in her ear, "Steph, you're okay… it's just a dream." I was starting to get really worried because I couldn't seem to calm her down. She was getting violent, thinking that I was trying to hurt her. But after a long ten minutes of soothing words and touch, she began to break free from the nightmare.

She finally realized where she was and she whispered my name to gain reassurance that I was real. My heart soared when her body melted into mine and sought comfort in my arms.

The last couple of weeks must have been really hard on her, because without warning she broke down sobbing, her body convulsing from the tears she was no longer able to hold back anymore. It seemed like she cried for hours. I wasn't good with this kind of emotional stuff, but I knew this was my chance to make up lost ground, so I didn't let her go. Instead, I held her tight in my arms and continued to whisper reassuring words in her ears until I felt her body relax and finally go limp as she fell into a deep sleep.

Now I understood. This was what had her looking so tired and gaunt. She was suffering from nightmares about Stiva kidnapping her and she didn't want me to know.

I wonder how long it's been going on?

I was surprised how much it hurt that she didn't think she could come to me for help. Why wouldn't she tell me? Doesn't she know that I'd do anything for her?

No asshole! Every time she gets into a mess, all you do is criticize and make her feel like shit. Why would she come to you?

I wonder if she told Ranger about her nightmares? Has he been helping her with them and that's why she's been avoiding me?

Shit, when did I become so insecure? I never had a problem getting women to want me, so why now? But I knew the answer to that question; I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I don't measure up to the competition. I'm not dumb, I see the effect Ranger has on Stephanie and she doesn't even know the truth about him. In fact I know something very few people know...that he isn't really a thug.

Before Steph came into the picture, we'd actually worked together on a few cases when he first came to Trenton. Juniak introduced us, telling me that there would be times where the TPD would sub-contract Ranger and his team to assist in more complex cases. When I started asking why we were using civilians, he gave me one of his 'don't ask and just do what you're told' looks.

This of course just made me more curious about the man who seemed to have powerful connections, but was just as comfortable on Stark Street. So, I did some background checks of my own.

Ranger isn't the only one with connections in the government and although his records were difficult to obtain and pretty vague, I knew how to read between the lines or actually, figure out what they didn't say. He probably worked covert ops, had a high security clearance level, and was hooked up with some powerful people. I also know that he wasn't born in the ghetto or lived a hard life, but rather he's from a pretty wealthy family.

But I wasn't going to share that information with Stephanie. I wanted her to continue to believe the rumors about Ranger and the image he put out of being a ruthless thug from the streets.

Although she trusted him with her life, she was still scared of him in other ways and I wanted it to stay that way.

The money wasn't my real concern. Steph has never been about the material things in life, her apartment is a testament to that, but she thinks the man is a fucking superhero, wrapped up in all his mystery, which is what scares me. Stephanie has always been in love with the idea of superheroes and Ranger was working that angle to its maximum potential.

Enough! I'm not going to dwell on what I can't change. I know this woman better than anyone and she isn't going anywhere if I have anything to say about it.

I'm not wasting another minute. As soon as she wakes up, I'm going to pour my heart out to her and tell her that I love her and that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make us work.

With that decision made, I spooned Steph from behind and pulled her tight against my body. A small sigh escaped her lips reminding me that this was something else I'd held out on…intimacy and comfort. Something I know is important to Steph, but I wasn't willing to give it to her before.

It was just another thing that I was an asshole about. It was my passive-aggressive way of punishing her. Knowing that she needed it, but denying her because she didn't give me what I wanted… her conformity to Burg life.

But starting right now that was going to change. Holding my arms securely across her waist so that she would feel safe, I closed my eyes as exhaustion slowly took me over and I fell asleep with a small smile on my face. I have the woman I love in my arms and a plan in place to finally make her mine permanently. Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

* * *

Ever since the Navy I've been an early riser. I'd been awake for awhile but I was still tired and I didn't want to let go of Stephanie, so I was resting my eyes and holding her tightly in my arms when I felt her stirring. I quietly waited to see her reaction as she remembered where she was. Would she bolt or snuggle up to me? 

She was lying still in my arms. It seemed like she was almost afraid to move…deep in thought.

I wonder what's going through her mind? I've a feeling she needs some time to gather her thoughts, so I quietly wait for her to make the first move.

I know she must have been surprised to still find me in bed with her. It wasn't something I did often. I'm not sure why because I love the feel of her skin.

I guess it was just another way of punishing her to prove to myself that I was the one with the power.

I mentally snorted at the bullshit I tried to make myself believe. I know damn well that I rarely held the power position in our relationship. Let's face it, if I'd had the power she'd be living with me already and she wouldn't be bounty hunting and hanging out with Ranger and friends.

The truth is that she's always had the power and that in a nutshell was the problem. I couldn't accept that someone finally had me jumping for them instead of the other way around.

Just the knowledge that I'm so in love with this woman and that I'm vulnerable to heartache scares the hell out of me, so I've been disguising my fear with sarcasm, demands and insults. Trying to show the world that I'm the man…the one in control.

Unfortunately, not even I believe that line of bull. The truth is only when we're having sex do I have the upper hand, which is probably why our relationship has been spent mostly in bed.

Geez…what an idiot! No wonder I've been fucking up so much in the past few years with Steph. Saying the words wasn't the hard part. Surprisingly the three words most men dread saying, came pretty easy to me in regards to her. It was the follow through on those words that have always tripped me up.

Shit I can't take another minute of her silence. I need to know what she is thinking before I drive myself crazy with all of my self-recriminations and doubts that are currently flooding my mind. I'm not cut out for this. I'm a simple guy with simple needs and this emotional crap is going to drive me to the looney bin. Besides if I let Steph think too much, it usually works against me, so I'm making the first move.

I nuzzled her neck and said, "Good morning Cupcake. Are you feeling better?"

She hesitated and then nodded yes. I wasn't convinced so I tried to gently ask her once again, wanting her to open up to me.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair while trying to formulate my next thoughts.

"You scared me last night Steph. It took me a long time to get you to wake up. How long have you been having these nightmares?"

She shrugged. Trying to downplay how she was being affected by her recent close call. But I was tired of not talking…of always hiding from each other. That was exactly the reason we had so many misunderstandings and arguments, and why we were both so insecure about how we ranked in each other's life. Neither one of us was ever willing to be the first to put themselves out there…too scared to show what our hearts really felt.

I said I'd come clean today, so before I chicken out here goes nothing.

"Cupcake?" I asked with my "don't even think about lying to me" cop voice. Letting her know I wasn't going to let this one go.

She took a while to answer as if she was getting her emotions in control. Not wanting to show me how freaked out she truly was before she replied, "I don't know…for a while now I guess, but it's getting better."

I couldn't believe she was trying to play this off as just an ordinary nightmare. She was in a frantic panic for a good ten minutes before I was able to calm her down. Shaking my head, trying to convey my disbelief in her response.

"Cupcake if what happened last night is what you call better, you're not doing too good. Is this why you've been avoiding me for the last couple of weeks?"

She looked away not able to meet my gaze and nodded her head in response. My gut reaction was to explode but that's never worked before, so I reined my temper in before continuing. Just when I thought I was under control, my heart stopped from the pain of knowing that after all this time she still doesn't trust me. I'm at a loss.

Steph normally didn't admit her weaknesses, not even to herself, so to say I was shocked to hear her admission would be an understatement.

I know this is a defining moment for our relationship, so I can't screw this up because it might be my last shot at keeping her.

She was watching me. I could tell she was uncomfortable with my silence. I'm sure she had braced herself for my normal song and dance…yelling and putting her down, but I was done with all that.

I could feel her tense up. She was starting to get really nervous, but uncharacteristically held her tongue and waited for my response.

Here goes nothing. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. I've been asking myself why my girlfriend didn't think she could tell me she was hurting so much? Why would she purposely avoid me so that I wouldn't find out? And I just can't come up with an answer."

I saw her flinch a bit…startled by my calmness and candor. I could see the guilt taking her over, but she remained quiet. I'm ashamed to admit that in the past I'd have pounced on her guilt and gone in for the kill. But in the end, the only thing I ever accomplished with that strategy was hurting Stephanie and putting another crack in our relationship.

I could see her struggling with something. It was more than just the nightmares. What else could it be? And why is she trying to hide it from me?

My heart began to race, concern that whatever she was hiding from me was even more important than the dreams.

"Shit! Could she have been with Manoso again? Was that why she's been avoiding me? Why she was so reluctant to be alone with me? Make love with me?

I know they didn't think I knew about their one night, but I did. We were in an off-again period that had been going on way too long for my taste.

_I can't take this anymore. I miss her smile, her laughter and her warm beautiful body. Driving home from an assignment in New York, daydreaming about making love to her I unconsciously drove to her apartment instead of my house._

_I pulled into her parking lot and was about to get out of my car, when I spotted Ranger's Porsche and I saw red. It was three in the fucking morning. What the hell is he doing here?_

_I began to stalk towards the door of the building ready to find out what was going on, when I looked up towards her apartment. My knees buckled and I felt as if someone punched me in the gut. I recovered and stood paralyzed as I stared at her bedroom window. It was jarred slightly open. I saw their silhouette through the shade and I heard her moan his name as she was in the middle of the kind of orgasm she never had with me._

_I wanted to run back to my car, jam it into drive and get the hell out of here. I felt the bile rise in my throat. I thought, 'I'll lose it if I don't leave now', but it was like watching a train wreck. You know you should turn away, but you just can't._

_I lost it as I watched her and the reactions he was getting from her. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran back to my car, got in, and left, feeling lost._

_As I drove to my house, I thought to myself, 'It's over'. What an idiot. I self-righteously thought good riddance. She could keep her superhero and shove him up her ass for all I care._

_After all of this time of feeling guilty about my infidelities, I was done! Innocent my ass! Okay, so I was conveniently using selective memory, but it sounded good and felt right. It felt better than feeling sorry for myself or beating myself up for playing the biggest role in the whole mess._

_I'm done running after her. She's made up her mind, and now she could live with the consequences._

_But I was so full of shit. I didn't even believe my own words._

_I lost her forever and I had no one to blame but myself. Fuck!!! What did I do? I push her closer to him every time I give her shit or undermine her self-esteem._

I could tell by her silence and unconscious fidgeting that she was struggling with something. I instinctively knew that whatever she was trying to work out would be the turning point in our relationship.

The waiting was getting the better of me, too. I couldn't take the silence anymore. I had to know where we stood. I cleared my throat to catch her attention and remind her I was still waiting for a response.

She was searching my face…I'm not sure for what, but I think she found it because her eyes softened and she gave me a sweet loving smile.

My heart soared…but within less than a minute, I had a lump in my throat when I heard her say, "Joe, the truth is that I didn't think you'd understand. I told myself that if you knew about the fear and panic that had become my constant companions for the last few weeks, it would just fuel your anger and encourage you to continue to insist I quit my job or criticize my career choice."

Shit. Her words cut me like a knife because I'd treated her worse than I'd been willing to admit. But she was right because before last night, I would have done exactly what she expected.

I'm not that person anymore. I'm ready. I took a deep breath.

"Cupcake, I'm not going to lie and tell you I don't wish you'd quit your job, but I'm not as ruthless as you appear to think I am. I'd never use your fear or nightmares to make my point."

"Oh Joe, I didn't mean to imply you were ruthless or heartless for that matter, but you have to admit we have a recurring behavior pattern whenever I get in trouble. You yell and scream and tell me to quit and I hate anyone telling me what to do, so I immediately go into rhino mode and refuse to listen. And the next thing you know, we're off again."

"I guess when you put it like that, I can't really argue. We definitely know how to play our parts."

"Yeah, the Burg definitely trained us well. Even though we never considered ourselves truly Burg, it's something we weren't able to totally shake." She said with the first real smile I'd seen in a long time.

She shrugged and continued, "But the truth is, I just didn't have the energy to go at it with you. Our fights require my full strength and I just didn't have it in me."

I felt winded by all the direct hits she was making. But something in her voice was giving me hope that I haven't lost her yet. We were talking…really talking and better yet, we hadn't yelled once.

The best part was that we were actually sharing our feelings and really trying to understand each other's points of view.

I'm done playing games. Holding back…acting like we were still kids, so I told her everything. How much I love her. How she scared me to death when she jumped into things without thinking them through.

Her reaction was priceless when I told her I thought she was smart and amazing. But that she really needed to become more serious about training if she was going to continue with her job, and most importantly she needed to start thinking before acting.

I'd forgotten how cute she could be when she was caught off guard. For the first time, I'd left Stephanie speechless. I can tell she was having a hard time trying to figure out what was going on with me. I waited a few seconds to see if she was going to say anything, but she just nodded so I continued pouring my heart out until I'd said my peace.

Now it was my turn to wait and hope that my willingness to put my feelings on the line first, would show her how much I love her and want us to work.

Staring at her hands on her lap…deep in thought, she stayed quiet for a while. Then suddenly she looked up and held my gaze and said, "You're right."

My eyes widened. "I'm right?" I asked shocked.

She gave me a small smile and simply replied, "Yes."

I was about to ask her another question when she held up her hand and cut me off. "I need to ask you a few questions before we come back to this subject."

"Okay. Shoot." Things are starting to look good…don't fuck it up.

This was definitely a make or break conversation. She'd taken the gloves off and wasn't holding back any punches when she asked her first question.

"First, I need to know how serious you are about us? You once told me that there was a "you", a "me" and that sometimes we were together but that there was no "us." Is that still your position?" I internally cringed as I heard my own words being thrown back at me.

I shook my head, looked directly into her eyes so she could see my sincerity. " I was a real asshole when I said that. I was pissed and I wanted to hurt you, but I regretted the words before I even finished saying them. I didn't mean them then, and I definitely don't mean them now. I want a future with you Steph. I'm not sure either of us are ready for marriage yet, but I do know that I want to have that someday and I want it to be with you."

Her eyes got watery and I knew that some of the things I was saying were scaring the shit out of her because I know she still has a lot of hidden fears from her last marriage. I was expecting her to bolt, but as usual she surprised me instead. Her eyes lit up when she realized that I was telling her the truth.

I'd never realized that she doubted my love or the fact I really wanted a future with her.

Looking down and in a shaky voice, she continued. "With the exception of our off periods, which I don't want to know about. Have you been faithful to me? More importantly, if we really give ourselves a chance, can you stay faithful to me?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I never expected her to be so blunt about this topic. Steph has always coped by denying facts or situations that could hurt her, so I was caught off guard for a minute.

I know that I should come clean and tell her the whole truth, but I just can't hurt her that way, so I'm going to try and be as truthful as I can about our future and not address the past.

"Do you trust me, Cupcake?" I asked giving her my bedroom eyes, hoping her hormones would distract her enough to not notice I'm only partially answering her question.

She looks me directly in the eyes and lets me know that she's on to me before replying, "I think I do, but I've been wrong before and I can't go through that again. The reality is that Joyce did me a favor, because she wasn't the first and I didn't really love Dickie. But this would be different. I'm not sure I could survive another humiliation especially from someone that I did love. And frankly your working relationship with Teri Gillman has always made me wonder."

Yes!! She gave me the perfect set up to avoid her question. "No offense Cupcake, but whose calling the kettle black? There is no difference between my working relationship with Teri and yours with Ranger."

She shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't think it's quite the same. First, you and Teri have a history, and second but more importantly, I've been cheated on and know first hand how awful that feels. I would never do that to someone else."

"You're right Teri and I do have a history, but that's exactly what it is…history. And as for our working relationship…it's strictly business." I internally winced knowing that this was going to be the hardest part to get through. One false move and my chances are shot. Forgive me Stephanie for the lie I'm about to tell you, but I promise it will be my last.

Taking a deep breath for courage, I continued, "I promise you Stephanie that I've never been with Teri while I've been with you. Can you say the same for you and Ranger?"

This was the moment of truth. Would she fess up to her night with Ranger? I was holding my breath, waiting for her to reply.

"I've never been with Ranger while we've been together. But I'm not going to lie, there have been a few stolen kisses when you and I have been at odds."

My jaw clenched and a flash of jealousy flashed through my eyes, before I put on my cop face. But the truth was that I felt like shit, because she told me the truth and I lied. But I had to hide my guilt, so I pushed her on the subject.

"Only kisses…never anything more?" I suspiciously asked.

She stared directly in my eyes and gave me a "you believe what you want to believe" look as she answered, "While we've been officially together, I've never cheated on you Joe and I never will. And if we decide this is something we really want, I promise that there won't be anymore stolen kisses either. Now the question is do you trust me?"

I searched her face for a really long time, needing to be sure she was serious this time. And then I saw it… what I was looking for and I knew she was ready, so I smiled and nodded.

I was ready to take her in my arms but she stopped me.

"Okay then...here comes the hardest question of all. Do we really have a chance of making this work if I keep my job?"

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair before replying, "I don't know."

She dropped her head and her body stiffened.

Shit, I fucked up. Why did I say that? Didn't I just spend the whole night telling myself I'd change, be more supportive and the first thing out of my mouth is…'I don't know.'

I looked over and although she still had her head down, I could tell she felt defeated. Shit I have to fix this now!

I was about to open my mouth, when she quietly asked, "How about if we come to an agreement about some of the things that have always bothered you about my job?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and replied, "I can't make any promises, but I'm willing to listen. What do you have in mind?"

This was better than I expected. At least she was still talking to me.

After talking for along time, we came to an agreement. She would enroll in self-defense classes and get properly trained with her gun…two huge compromises on her part.

Then she laid out the second part of her plan, which meant I had to agree to two huge compromises. First that I accept her continuing to work for Rangeman as a research analyst, which she pointed out would limit her exposure to danger. And second, she agreed that if she did go out in the field, then she'd always take a qualified partner.

My jaw clenched as I tried to contain my temper and jealousy. I don't know if I can take her working for Ranger. She'd be around him all of the time. Could she resist him? Would the stolen kisses really stop?

"I don't like you working for Ranger. He's a loose cannon and I don't like how he looks at you."

Without hesitation, she replied. "I thought you said you trusted me?"

"I do, but I don't trust Ranger. You just finished telling me that he took advantage of our disagreements by kissing you. What's going to stop him now?"

"I am." She replied definitively.

"You didn't before," I snorted.

"You're right, I didn't. The difference now is that I'll be sure about where we stand as a couple, and I never really was before. I always felt I was just a temporary distraction for you."

Her words hit me like a sucker punch. The thought of making her feel so inadequate was killing me, but I couldn't do anything about the past. All I could do now is show her our future.

"Steph, you were never just a distraction to me. I've always wanted you to be mine."

"Fair enough, but your love and commitment have always come with conditions. I always feel that you want me but only if I change into the person you think I should be, not the person I am and want to be."

"I just wanted you to be safe." I insisted. But I knew she was right. I'd had that same epiphany last night.

She challenged me to deny that it wasn't about more than just her safety. How her mother and I were always ganging up on her about becoming the typical Burg wife.

I didn't recognize this self-assured Stephanie. She was done with trying to please everyone but herself. She went on to say that she'd accepted the fact she wasn't like other Burg women and probably never would be and if I wanted to be with her, I had to accept it, too.

She was honest and told me that she wasn't ready for marriage and the thought of having kids scared her to death but she was open to talk about them sometime in the future. And then she told me about her job and how much she likes it. She was like a little kid telling me about how she loved the action and figuring out the clues that lead them to her goal, and most of all the freedom it gave her.

She grabbed my chin and tilted my face up so that I was looking directly into her beautiful blue eyes before she finished.

"Joe, I need to know that if we give this a real try you're going to accept me for who I am, and an important part of my life is my friendship with Ranger. For the longest time, he was the only one that believed in me and supported me in my choices. He is one of my best friends and if you know anything about me, you know that my friends are everything to me. So I need to know you can deal with all of this, because if you can't then it wouldn't be fair to either of us to stay together. We both deserve to be happy."

"Okay, you're right. I haven't been very supportive, but it's tough being ribbed all day about your girlfriend that's constantly being chased by psychos, and putting herself in harms way. Not to mention the multiple pools that are constantly being run on your antics." I replied with a sharper tone than I intended, so I took a deep breath before I continued. "But if you go through with your training, you focus more on the research and when you are in the field you're with a trained partner, I'll make every effort to be supportive of your career. No more sly comments or sarcastic barbs, and definitely no more career advice."

I gave her a mischievous smile and said, "and Cupcake…I'll even back you up with your mom."

She slowly began to grin until her smile was wide and it reached her eyes. I could tell my offer to watch her back when dealing with her mom had scored me some big points. Unfortunately, I knew I was going to use them up pretty quickly after my next comment.

"But Cupcake, I still have reservations about you working for Ranger. I heard what you said and I know that he's always been there for you, and I'm not saying to cut him off as a friend, but I'm not sure if I can handle you working for him. He has feelings for you that go deeper than friendship and if you're with him everyday, I think he'll try to continue to apply pressure on you."

"Look at me Joe. It's important that you believe what I'm going to say next. Nothing is ever going to happen between Ranger and me. Yes, we support each other and watch each other's backs, but all we will ever be are friends…nothing more."

I don't like it, but I've got to give in on this point because I know it's a deal breaker for Steph and I want to show her that I do trust her, so I nodded my head to show I understood.

"So I guess Joe, the ball's in your court. Am I enough for you just the way I am or do you need more than I can offer you? I want you to know that there's no pressure. I want you to really think about this for a while before you let me know your decision. Okay?"

I tried to tell her that I didn't need to think about it, but she insisted. She said this decision was important and she wanted me to think it over for a couple of days. So I begrudgingly agreed.

She smiled. Gave me a chaste kiss, and then grabbed her stuff heading into the bathroom to clean up before she left.

* * *

It's been a few months since Stephanie and I agreed to give our relationship a real chance and so far it's been pretty smooth sailing. We both are trying to be more open with each other, about our wants, needs and even to discuss what we don't like. 

It hasn't always been easy considering we're both pretty hot tempered, but we've come up with a signal to take a break if one of us thinks our discussion is turning into an argument.

Steph was true to her word. She had a long talk with Ranger and told him that she wanted to give us a real shot, so she needed for him to promise to not apply pressure anymore. I'm not sure how he took the news about our new deal because I know that he's in love with her, no matter how much they both deny it.

Steph was spending ninety percent of her time in the office performing research at Rangeman and only went out on the occasional distraction job or as back up for lower end skips as a favor to Vinnie.

She's come really far in the last few months with her self-defense and gun classes she's taking at RangeMan.

At first I wasn't thrilled about getting the training at Rangeman, thinking it was just a ruse for Ranger to be close to Steph. But she assured me that although he checked in from time to time, all of the training was being given by the guys that worked for him. She assured me it was a perk that he offered all RangeMan employees and that it would be silly to spend money somewhere else, when she could get it for free.

It was hard to argue with her logic and since Ranger wasn't part of the actual training, I agreed it made sense.

The best surprise of all was that I didn't really need to worry too much about Ranger's presence. He'd been out of town for long stretches at a time, so she really didn't see him that much. We even managed to come to an unspoken agreement for Stephanie's sake that we'd be civil to each other.

But I'm not a fool either. I've been vigilant and watched their interactions closely and he seems to be honoring her wish. He's friendly but I've never seen him flirt or make an inappropriate move on her since their talk.

Our days are blissfully peaceful lately. Gone were the days of constant fighting and yelling. We were enjoying our newfound trust and openness. We were slowly developing our own little rituals, experiencing a level of comfort that we'd never been able to achieve before.

More often than not, Stephanie has been staying at my place. Almost all of her stuff has slowly made its way to my house. I was happy with the way things were moving along, but I don't want to say anything that might spook Steph or make her bolt.

Then a couple of days before the end of the month, Steph and I were watching a Ranger's game, when all of sudden she turned to me and asked, "What do you think about me giving up my apartment?"

I stared at her in shock. I couldn't believe I actually heard Stephanie Plum volunteering to give up her apartment. I've been biting my tongue for months wanting to suggest the same thing, but I didn't want to seem pushy and give her the impression that I was trying to take away her independence.

I was so blown away by her question that I was speechless. But I guess the shock on my face and my silence, gave Steph the wrong impression and her eyes began to water. She started to get up from the sofa before I shook myself out of my daze.

I grabbed her arm gently and pulled her towards me. "Cupcake. Look at me," but she wouldn't turn her head.

"Please?"

She slowly turned around but she still wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Come on Steph, please look at me."

She tilted her head up and her eyes locked with mine. My heart ached to think I made her feel unwanted.

"You don't have to say anything Joe, I understand. You're not ready for that kind of commitment." She said as her voice cracked.

"Oh…sweetheart that isn't it at all. You just caught me off guard. I've been wanting to ask you that for months now but I didn't want you to think that I was trying to take away your independence or control you, so I've been keeping it to myself."

I wiped the tears from her eyes, gave her chaste kisses on each eye, then on her nose and finally on her mouth, before I said, "I just couldn't believe that you were ready. If I was speechless it was because, I wasn't sure that you'd ever want this…not because I didn't want you living with me. I've wanted this for a long time."

"Really?" She whispered.

"Really." I replied without hesitation. "As a matter of fact, we can go get the rest of your stuff right now." I said as I started to pull her off the couch and toward the front door.

She laughed and punched me in the arm before replying, "I didn't mean right this exact second, you big dope. I just wanted to feel you out on the concept." She smiled and said, "How does the beginning of next month sound to you?"

I loved listening to her laugh, so I played it up…whining like a little kid, "Why do we have to wait that long?" and stomped my foot, "I want you here now!"

Laughing, she cuffed me and said, "You're such a goof. I am here now, and if you haven't noticed most of my stuff has already made it over here so the move isn't going to take too long."

"Well actually I had noticed. But I didn't want to spook you so I didn't say anything. I was hoping that you'd go to your place one day and realize that nothing was left there and it wasn't your home anymore because… now this was your home."

She threw herself at me and wrapped her arms around my neck and caught me in a kiss that left us both breathless.

I smiled at her wickedly, turned off the TV, picked her up with her long legs wrapped around my waist and said, "Why don't we celebrate by christening our room."

She laughed again and her eyes sparkled with mischief. "Only if we get to christen our shower, too."

I took the stairs two at a time, not able to wait another minute before I buried myself inside of her.


	4. On the Outside Looking In

**On the Outside Looking In- Tank's POV **

I couldn't remember the last time it was so quiet during a night shift. I hate quiet nights, especially when I'm pulling a solo shift. It's so hard to stay focused, but the guys had been working so many doubles I told them I'd be fine and call if anything came up.

Ranger left a few months ago on another government assignment, so I've taken over his duties. This wouldn't normally be a big deal, but I'm still pissed off at him for taking such a dangerous assignment that he could've turned down.

Ranger, Bobby, Lester and I were coming to the end of our contract terms with the government and there were plenty of younger guys who would jump at the chance to see action.

Yeah, we were always the first team they called. There was an understanding, though, that since we've successfully completed so many missions, hell more missions than any other team, we could refuse assignments not related to national security. And, this last one definitely didn't qualify for that distinction.

Ranger had actually turned down a few already, so I was surprised at first when he took this one. But, by the time I realized his motivation...it was too late.

He had finally admitted he was in love with Stephanie and we all knew she felt the same way. The problem was they'd both previously had disastrous love lives, and those experiences had paralyzed them from moving forward and admitting their love for each other.

The day after Ranger saved Stephanie from Stiva, I tried to talk some sense into him, but as usual he was too stubborn to listen and in the end, he got what he'd asked for even if it wasn't what he really wanted.

"_Ranger what are you so scared of? Can't you see how much she loves you? Are you that blind?" _

_He snorted. "Yeah that's why she's with the cop and not me." _

"_Carlos you sure can talk a lot of crap. You and I both know that she's with the cop because you rejected her…because you send her back to him, time and time again. So don't act like you're an innocent victim of this situation." _

"_I never said I was a victim. But I'll be damned if I'm going to put myself out there when she keeps running back to the cop." _

"_Ah! So now we're finally getting down to the real reason you don't want to be honest with her...you're scared." _

_I remember how his hands fisted and his jaw tensed as he ground out, "I. Am. Not. Scared."_

"_Well that's what it looks like from here." I jabbed. _

"_Fuck off…Thomas." _

_Oh, now I knew he was mad. He never called me by my real name, which meant I was getting to him. I have to push harder. _

"_What are you afraid of Carlos? Don't you think you can hold up against Morelli?" I snickered. "The infamous Manoso who has women swooning at his feet, doesn't think he can compete with a cop from the Burg? I'm disappointed in you. What happen to the cocky guy I met our first day in boot camp?" _

_Ranger uncharacteristically sighed and replied, "It's not that, man. I don't have to compete with Morelli. I know I'm as good as he is. Hell, if we're just talking social status, I'm better. The problem is that no one around here knows that and I don't want anyone to know, especially Stephanie. Everyone around here thinks I'm just another thug from the barrio."_

_He looked up at me before he continued, "Don't you get it man, whether she loves me or not it we would never work. No matter how much she insists that she doesn't want a Burg life, she also doesn't want to disappoint her family. So whether she wants to or not, she's going to eventually give into living that life anyway."_

"_How are you so sure? Have you ever given her another option?"_

"_The reason I'm so sure is because, if she really wanted to get out, she would never have put up with the bullshit Morelli constantly spews at her."_

"_That would be a pretty convincing argument if you were talking to someone else. But you and I both know that's just a cop out. If you love her as much as I think you do, then why not fight for her? I've seen plenty of Burg women, Carlos, and Stephanie isn't one of them!" _

"_She's settling because you made it clear to her that you don't want a relationship. Don't you think I noticed your attitude toward her lately? What's she supposed to think? How long is she supposed to wait? Wake up man! I've never in all my years of knowing you seen such a perfect woman for you and you're blowing your chance with her." _

_I saw Ranger smile sadly, "She is perfect isn't she?" _

"_Yeah she is. Totally different from the other women you have ever been involved with. And despite your idiot behavior and all the mysterious bullshit you pull on her, deep down…she gets you. She accepts you even though everybody has told her you're bad news."_

"_Don't you get it?" I_ _said_ s_haking my head. "We get, maybe, a couple of chances in our lives, if we're lucky, to find the person that will make us happy. You're letting your chance slip through your fingers." _

_Ranger began walking away, "I know what I'm doing Tank, so just drop it." _

_I shook my head as I watched the man I considered my brother making the biggest mistake in his life. I just hoped he came to his senses before it was too late._

I noticed movement on the bank of monitors that faced the garage; I leaned forward to see who was coming through the gate, and I did a double take when I saw who was driving in.

What the hell is going on? Frowning, I looked down at my watch and then back at the monitor. It was six-thirty in the morning. What the hell is Bombshell doing here so early? There weren't any pending projects that required her to work overtime.

Everybody knew mornings weren't Steph's thing. She was never late for work, but she usually walked in as the clock struck nine.

I watched her as she got out of her car. She looked tired and worried. I wondered what was going on?

As I watched Stephanie, my thoughts wandered back to Ranger. I was starting to get worried that something went wrong. He had been calling in regularly until recently, when he missed his last three check-in times. It wasn't unusual to miss a couple when working deep undercover or on a dangerous covert mission, and this one definitely qualified for both. But what had me worried the most was his state of mind. Ranger hadn't been the same since Steph had told him she took his advice and was going to give her relationship with Morelli a real chance.

Lack of focus or being marginally off your game, could mean the difference between success and failure on a mission. And in this case…failure would mean death.

Fuck this was a mess! I just hope he doesn't do something stupid out there.

To most people, surprisingly even to Stephanie who knew him better than she realized, he was unaffected and accepted her news without a second thought, but I knew better.

I remembered the day so clearly because he came to tell me he was finally ready to take a chance. He was going to put himself out on the line and let Steph know how he really felt about her, even if it wasn't reciprocated.

But he waited too long, and just like I warned him, Steph got tired of waiting or gave up hope…I'm not sure which one.

Ironically, it was his own words that sealed his fate.

_I watched them from my office as Steph spoke softly to him and I saw all his tells that I've learned to read over the years when he was stressed. He listened quietly, nodded, and wiped a tear from her cheek before he whispered something in her ear. _

_She stood perfectly still as she listened to him, and then gave him a watery smile and a kiss on the cheek before he turned and walked into his office. _

_I knew he needed some time to pull himself together, so I gave an order that if anyone needed Ranger, they should come to me first. _

_After a couple of hours, I knocked on his door to make sure he was all right. _

"_Come in," he called out. _

"_Yo, I was just checking in. Do you need anything?" _

_He shook his head without bothering to look up from his paperwork. _

_The problem with Ranger was that he held everything in. He doesn't vent or show emotion. The only release he allowed himself was physical, and that only took care of the symptom not the cause of his pain. I knew from experience that ignoring your demons doesn't work. They would haunt you until they were dealt with, or worse they would immobilize you, which is exactly what happened to him. _

"_I saw you talking to Bombshell…did everything go okay? Did you finally tell her?"_

_He flinched. It was an almost imperceptible reaction if I hadn't known what to look for. But like I said, I knew him well…almost better than I knew myself. If we hadn't known each other so well, we would've been dead a long time ago. In our business both past and present, it was essential to be able to step into your partner's mind. It was what kept us alive. Not having to talk…knowing what or how each of us would react. Stephanie liked to call it ESP, but really it was just spending so much time together in tight spots and life and death situations that all your barriers were dropped and you became each other's lifelines. _

"_What happened? You didn't chicken out again did you?" _

_Nothing. He didn't look up or answer me. _

"_Carlos don't tell me that you were so chicken shit when it came to admitting that you lo…."_

_But I wasn't able to finish my thought as he quietly interrupted me. "She's been thinking a lot, and decided to grow up." _

_I nodded my head, not liking where this was going. If her decisions included Ranger he wouldn't be acting so stoic. _

"_I guess that's a good thing, but what exactly does that mean?" _

_I watched him intently and patiently waited…knowing that his body language would tell me way more than his words. _

_He struggled to gain control before he began to speak._

_I instantly knew this wasn't going to be good. Whatever her decisions were, they had impacted Ranger and not in a positive way. _

"_She told me that the Stiva incident was haunting her and it made her take a close look at her life. She has realized that if she doesn't make some changes soon, she could end up without anymore chances." _

_I watched him take a deep breath before he sardonically continued, "She said it was time for her to grow up and her first step toward that goal was to accept that I don't do relationships and that we could only be friends." _

"_But that's not true! Why didn't you straighten her out? Tell her that you love her and you want a life with her…the kind of life that she really wanted to live."_

"_I started to, but she stopped me. She begged me to let her get it all out before I said anything because she wasn't sure she'd be able to if I interrupted her. I've never been able to say no to her, so I nodded, and let her finish." _

_He finally looked up and locked eyes with me, showing me his pain and regret before he said, "By the time she was finished, I knew I was too late."_

_He looked down and spoke in an emotionless voice that I hadn't heard in a long time. I knew it well. It was the voice you used when captured. It was the voice used when you shut down everything to protect yourself from pain. "For once she wasn't thinking impulsively. She'd really thought things out and her plan was sound. I could see her being happy and safe, and I didn't want to destroy her resolve…even if the outcome wasn't what I wanted. It was the life I wasn't sure I could ever give her, so I let her believe the lie and gave her what she asked for, friendship and support. I also told her to be happy." _

"_I don't understand. How could her plan be sound when you both love each other and you aren't together? Is she gonna quit bounty hunting? Become a Burg clone? What the fuck Carlos! How can you just let her go and cave in like that? How could you not tell her she was wrong?"_

_His eyes narrowed into slits and turned black from the anger he felt before he quietly spat out, "Do you think I wanted to let her go? Do you think I wouldn't give anything to have her?" _

_He gave a humorless chuckle, "I was too stupid and stubborn to see what I had right in front of me, so now I'll take my punishment like a man." _

_He gave me his 'this is non-negotiable' glare and said, "What I do know is that I love her enough to let her go find happiness and peace. So I agreed to everything she asked of me and I'll be damned if I'll let you or anyone else try to fuck it up for her." _

_I glared back at him not willing to back down. I wanted him to see how stupid he was acting. So I sarcastically spat back, "So what…now you're gonna be some kind of martyr?" _

"_Fuck off Thomas. This discussion is over." _

_He began working again thinking he could dismiss me like the other men. _

"_Bullshit. If I'm going to have to put up with your foul temper and moodiness, then I want to know what Stephanie's grand plan is that has you backing down like a pussy." _

"_I don't have to tell you shit, but since I know you aren't going to leave me alone until I do, I'm going to tell you once and then I never want to talk about this again. Are we clear?"_

_I nodded. _

"_She and Morelli have decided to give their relationship a real try where he would support her at home and with her job, if she trained and took real back up when chasing FTAs." _

"_That's it? That's the whole plan?" I asked sarcastically._

"_No, wiseass it isn't her whole plan. But the details are none of your business." _

_He shuffled his paperwork around and kept his eyes averted from me as he finished. "The only thing you need to know is that she is keeping her job here at Rangeman. She'll continue to work as a research analyst and she will begin training with the guys. I want her on a complete physical program, gun training and self-defense."_

"_Are you crazy? How do you expect to be able to handle having her here every day, loving her the way you do and knowing she's going home to the cop every night? Do you realize what a fucked up position you're putting yourself in, not to mention the rest of us? There's no way this can work."_

"_Yeah, I know how hard it's going to be, but it's my choice…my life. Besides I've been doing it so far, so what's really changed?" _

_I detected a vulnerable flicker in his eyes and he put his mask back up before he confessed, "I can't give her up completely, and if her presence and friendship is all I can have, then so be it. Besides with time, I'll get over her." _

_I snorted and sarcastically asked, "Yeah, you've been getting over her for almost three years now. How's that working for ya?"_

_He gave me a ghost of a smile before he replied, "You're right. The difference was before there was hope for a 'someday', and now there isn't, so I'll have to get over her."_

I was brought out of my thoughts when I smelled coffee and I saw Steph watching me curiously from the door.

I smiled. "Hey Bombshell…what're you doing here so early?"

She shrugged and said, "Joe's at work already and I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might as well get a jump on the day."

Now that she mentioned it, she did look tired and a bit tense. I wondered if everything was all right at home?

"Are you sure everything's okay with you Steph?"

Giving me a slight smile, she nodded. "Yup…everything's fine."

She held out a cup of coffee and a pastry bag. "I brought some contraband if you want to share?"

I laughed. It was a standing joke that Steph was our junk food supplier. Everyone knew that as long as she brought the stuff in, Ranger would never say anything. He'd just shake his head and walk away.

"Don't mind if I do. I need a reward after the shift from hell."

"A lot of action?"

"No, the opposite. No action. The phone rang once all night and it was a false alarm."

She laughed at me, "I forgot. Your definition of fun has always been kinda warped."

"Hey if you're going to have to work, it might as well be action packed."

"Boys will be boys," she said as she started to walk towards her cubicle, but before she got too far she turned back and her playfulness was gone.

"Have you heard from Ranger?" She asked hesitantly.

So that's what's bothering her…Ranger being off the grid. I should've known she'd notice and start to worry.

In what I hoped was a reassuring voice I replied, "Sorry Steph, I haven't heard from him yet, but it's pretty common once you're in the thick of things."

"I know you guys are used to these missions and it's normal to go without hearing from someone for a while, but you would tell me if something was wrong…wouldn't you Tank? If you were worried, you'd tell me, right?"

Shit! I hate lying to her. I am worried but not for the reasons she thinks. I don't want her to stress until I know more, so I replied, "Of course I'd tell you Steph. I know how much you care about Ranger. I'll keep you posted…okay?"

She whispered, "Yeah, okay," and walked to her desk.

I've been so busy lately heading up Rangeman in Carlos' absence that I haven't had a chance to talk to Steph much. Maybe after a long nap, I'll ask her to have lunch with me and we could catch up.

She had been working at Rangeman for about eight months now. I had my doubts when Ranger first told me about offering her the job. I thought it was going to cause a lot of tension in the office with Ranger having to hold back his feelings, and although I didn't doubt Steph loved Morelli, I knew in my heart she was settling because she thought the man she was _in love_ with, didn't love her in return.

It had been hard not to tell her the truth about Ranger's feelings, but I had promised him I wouldn't interfere and I stood by my word. It helped when I saw that, as time went on, she seemed content with her decision.

She surprised all of us, including herself with how well she was doing in her training. She ran five miles a day, practiced at the gun range every afternoon, and took self-defense classes at least a couple of times a week.

It was good to see her self-esteem boosted as a result of her training. She no longer doubted her instincts or her ability to perform the job.

The guys loved having her around, which surprised me at first. They were used to working with only men so they never had to worry about what they said or how they acted. But oddly enough, without being told, the guys automatically adjusted their behavior to make her feel welcomed.

Steph of course immediately noticed the changes being made for her and she confronted them all in the break room one morning. She'd taken everyone by surprise when she showed up right before the shift change.

_She walked in with two boxes full of doughnuts and a determined face that made everyone in the room stop and watch her. She placed the boxes on the side table next to the coffee machine, hung her purse from the back of one of the chairs and looked around the room at all of the men. _

_She cleared her throat and rung her hands before she began to speak. "Okay, um…I have something I'd like to say to all of you, if you don't mind?" _

_We all nodded and smiled, which seemed to give her courage to go on. _

"_Well first," she pointed at the doughnuts, "those are for you guys. My way of saying thanks for all your help with my training and for making me feel like part of the team."_

_There was a chorus of, "No problem. You're doing great…"_

_She held up her hand in the universal sign to stop, before she continued with a slight smirk, "Thanks, but I wasn't finished." _

_There were chuckles heard around the room. _

"_It's also to apologize for what I'm about to say next." _

_Everybody curiously looked at her. Trying to figure out what she was talking about. _

_We watched her, as she seemed to have an internal debate, when all of a sudden she muttered to herself, "Fuck it! Here goes nothing, and then in a louder voice said, "Will you guys…PLEASE, stop tiptoeing around me? I'm not some fragile doll that can't take a crude joke or bad language or anything else you guys were used to doing before I got here. I really appreciate the gesture and I love all you guys for it, but do you remember who I am? Who I usually chase around all day? I'm a Jersey girl for God's sake, so will you guys just relax and be yourselves?" _

_She let out a deep breath and beamed her smile at us, her blue eyes twinkled with mischief and she winked at us…trust me I can probably out cuss all of you without breaking a sweat, and if you keep on training me as well as you have, I'll be able to kick your asses soon, too. Have I made myself clear?" _

_We were all shocked…actually speechless, so we all just nodded. _

"_Good. Now that that's been settled, give me one of those Boston Crème doughnuts and let me get my ass back to work before the boss has a cow," she quipped as she sashayed to her desk. _

_The room was quiet for about a minute after she left before Lester started cracking up, and the rest of the men followed. _

"_She is sumthin else, isn't she? Too bad she's taken, cuz I wouldn't mind having a piece of her." _

_No one had noticed when Ranger walked in or how long he'd been standing there, but when Lester heard both of us yell, "Santos," the room went deadly quiet. _

_Lester had the decency to look ashamed. "Sorry boss…I didn't mean anything by it…really. But you have to admit there aren't a lot of women out there like her. I was really paying her a compliment."_

_Ranger turned to me and twitched his lips in an almost smile, before he turned back to Lester and in his best badass voice said, "You're right Santos…she's one of a kind. And I heard what she said, so I'm going to respect her request, but let me make it real clear to everyone right here, right now...that doesn't mean that you disrespect her in any way. You can relax around her, be her buddy, but don't ever take what she said as an invitation to hit on her, because if any of you do," he looked around the room and made eye contact with each man to show how serious he was before he continued, "you will have to answer to me and I promise it will be painful. Do I make myself **clear**?" _

_Another chorus of, "Yes, boss." _

"_Good, now get to work." _

_The room cleared out in less than thirty seconds. _

_Ranger looked around to make sure that everyone was gone, then turned back to me and smiled while he shook his head. _

_One of the first real smiles I'd seen on him in a long time. "I love watching her all fired up and sassy," he wistfully said. _

_I knew he didn't realize what he'd just said, so I just nodded and said, "Yup…she's a firecracker alright." _

The good news was that my concerns about Steph fitting in and the men accepting her went out the window after that day. All of the men seemed to adopt Steph as their kid sister. They organized a whole rotation system to train her and they had side bets going on as to who she would be able to take down first. Steph even knew about the bets and didn't mind because for once the bets weren't about her failures, but rather her successes.

The bad news…Ranger eventually realized he slipped and he made sure it wouldn't happen again. He started spending more time at the other offices or took assignments he didn't have to take, just to get out of Trenton.

And here we were, six months later, Ranger off the grid longer than I'd like, Steph worried about him, and me stuck doing paperwork and dealing with the clients.

"Hey Tank. What's up?" I looked up at Cal.

"Hey, nothing much. It was a quiet night. I was bored to death, but after the week we've had I guess I should be thankful because I'm beat."

"Don't worry boss, we'll hold the fort. Why don't you debrief me and that way you can catch up on some sleep?"

Hal walked in right as I answered, "Sounds good to me."

* * *

After I debriefed Cal and Hal, I went to my apartment and crashed.

I'd just woken up and saw it was eleven-thirty in the morning. I was restless and couldn't get back to sleep, so I took a quick shower and called Steph about lunch. We agreed to meet downstairs in the garage at noon.

We decided to go to Jim's. We were both in the mood for some comfort food, and nothing fit the bill better than ribs and collard greens.

Once we placed our order, we started catching up with each other.

"I haven't talked to you in a while. How's it going with Morelli?"

"Things are good. We're getting used to living together. It's funny, ya know…no matter how long you've been with someone, you don't get to really know a person until you live with them."

She chuckled, "Joe definitely has more quirks than I expected, but I'm sure I'm no prize either. We're taking it slow, trying to give each other space and trying to laugh about our differences instead of fight," rolling her eyes, "which as you know is something completely new for us. Actually, the not fighting…has been great. We seem to laugh a lot more now."

She took a sip from her Coke. "It's good…real good."

I had watched her while she told me about her life and something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was. She said all the right words, smiled in all the right places and even sounded enthusiastic, but something wasn't right. I guess I zoned out for a minute while I racked my brain as to what it could be, so I didn't hear her ask me a question.

"Tank? Did you hear me?"

"Oh sorry Steph, I guess I'm more tired than I thought. I kinda zoned out there for a second."

I saw her face drop. Shit, I hurt her feelings. I bet she thought I was just being polite and not really interested in her relationship.

I grabbed her hand and gently squeezed it, so she'd look up at me. "I didn't mean to imply your life was boring or that I wasn't interested. You should know by now that if I wasn't interested, I wouldn't have asked."

She smiled and said, "Okay."

"I actually did hear everything you said, I zoned out right after you finished. I'm glad to hear that you're happy. You deserve it."

She gave me a melancholy smile. "Thanks Tank…it means a lot to me that you care. I've come to think of you and the rest of the Merry Men as family."

I laughed. I still got a kick out of all of the nicknames Steph and Lula had for Ranger and the rest of the guys at Rangeman.

"Geez…ya think you'd get over the whole Merry Men thing after working with us for so long," I winked at her and teasingly continued, "besides aren't you getting your superheroes and fables mixed up? Last I checked Robin Hood had the Merry Men, not Batman. And I refuse to be thought of as Robin, so don't even go there."

She really smiled this time and that's when I noticed what had been off before, when she was telling me about her life with Morelli. The sparkle in her eyes when she was truly happy or amused was missing when she was talking about her relationship.

She was having fun, so I pushed aside my nagging thoughts for another time, and I began bantering with her about superheroes and sidekicks until our food came out.

We ate in companionable silence and every once in awhile she would giggle at what I could only imagine were her thoughts about seeing us guys in tights…yeah, like that was ever going to happen.

We finished up lunch and headed back to Rangeman. As we were entering the garage, she turned to face me. "Tank, thanks for lunch and the laughs. I needed to get out today."

"Anytime little girl. You just say when and I'll be your date. You're a helluva a lot better to look at than the bozos upstairs."

Laughing she replied, "Well, I guess it's all relative," and then she winked at me, "cuz I think the bozos upstairs are pretty damn good to look at. I consider them my own personal supply of eye candy."

Rolling my eyes I said, "Hey, I think I'm offended that they rank higher than me."

She put her hand on my arm to maintain her balance while she leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then whispered softly in my ear, "Don't worry big guy. There's only one Rangeman ahead of you."

I beamed my best smile, but her words surprised us both and I saw her blush a little at her confession. I could see she was uncomfortable, so I leaned into her ear and said, "Don't worry; your secret is safe with me. And for the record, he thinks the world of you, too."

She gave me a watery smile. "You're a good friend Tank. I'm glad I've got you on my side."

"Always Bomber…any time, any place."

"Ditto."

I watched as she pulled herself together and then tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Okay, enough of this blowing sunshine up each other's ass. I've got to get to work before the boss gets on my case for taking too long of a lunch."

Shaking my head, grinning like a fool, I got out of the car and said, "You definitely have a gift for words don't you?"

"You know us Jersey girls, wiseasses in training since we're in the womb."

We'd reached the fourth floor by that time, so I got off and told her I'd see her later.

* * *

After lunch I was still feeling wiped out. I checked in for a report and everything was eerily quiet. No real action except for a few of the regulars that liked to call to make sure we were on top of things.

This was starting to creep me out. No matter how slow a day was it never ended without a takedown or two? What the hell was going on? It'd been pretty cold since last night but certainly not cold enough to stop the criminals from doing their thing. I hoped I was wrong. Something nagged at me. Something told me that all hell was going to break out any minute.

Stop looking for trouble Thomas. I'm just tired. I knew first hand sleep deprivation could screw with your mind, so I went to try and catch some sleep.

I took off my clothes and got into bed setting the alarm for seven o'clock so I could debrief the day shift before they left.

I was almost out before I hit the pillow, but I slept fitfully…haunted by old dreams that I'd blocked out of my mind for a long time now.

I startled awake, drenched in sweat and in a moment of clarity I saw Ranger. He was hurt, and I knew it was more than just a dream. Ranger was in trouble and I had a bad feeling he'd been left behind for dead.

I reached for my phone and dialed the number that only a very few people in the country even knew existed.

"Talk," bellowed a voice on the other side.

"It's Tank."

Silence.

"Ranger has missed three check-ins and I have a bad feeling something went wrong. Have you heard from him?"

"Soldier, you know that all our missions are 'need to know', so what the fuck are you calling here for?"

"With all due respect Sir," I said with dripping sarcasm, "you and I both know Ranger and I have been partners for over fifteen years and if a mission has gone bad in the past, I've always lead the extraction team. I think I fall in the list of 'need to know.'

I heard him blow out a breath. "There have been complications with the mission."

"What kind of complications?"

"Our peoples' covers were blown. We received bad intel on who the main players working for the target were. Someone in the organization recognized Ranger from another mission and all hell broke loose. We're getting sporadic communications from the field. What we know so far is that at least five of our guys are down, but Ranger wasn't one of them."

I was losing my patience. "Why didn't you call me? You know that timing is everything when trying to recover our own after a shit storm like you described."

"We were given strict orders to not alert anyone until they assessed the damage and the probability of salvaging the mission."

"I don't give a fuck about the mission. All I care about is Ranger and my other buddies, so stop talking that political bullshit and tell me when you heard from him last."

"Two weeks ago. Communication was choppy and we couldn't keep him on long enough to get coordinates on his location."

"What are the suits going to do about this?"

A long pause, followed by, "They've decided that if anyone was left alive they would have contacted us by now. So they're cutting their losses and not sending a rescue team. They think the risk is too high and the organization could be exposed."

"Fuckin' assholes! Our old platoon has been doing their dirty work for over ten years and has the highest success rate of any team. And now since the suits might get some heat, our guys are expendable? Well I'll be damned if I give up without trying to bring them back."

"There's no way they're going to let you go out there."

"Listen you fucking prick, we saved your ass in Desert Storm and you owe us some loyalty. I don't give a fuck how you get the information, but you better find out who the target was and where they were dropped or I'll personally hunt you down and kill you myself."

"Yeah, alright. But you can't tell anyone where you got the information."

"I'm calling you back in an hour and you better have what I need." I threw the phone against the wall.

Shit…what a clusterfuck. If Ranger were okay, he would've contacted me by now. He must be hurt, outnumbered or somewhere he can't get out of without alerting the enemy.

I picked up the apartment phone and barked, "Santos, find Brown and get to my apartment in five we have a situation. And bring me another cell phone with my number programmed into it. My old one accidentally hit the wall."


	5. Search and RescuePart 1

**Hi everyone, **

**I just wanted to thank everyone that has read and reviewed Truth & Realizations. It's been a very scary journey for me so far. I've always wanted to write, but never had the nerve before. **

**I really appreciate your wonderful comments and your continued support.**

**I want to thank Stayce for her guidance, encouragement and overall support. I couldn't do this without you Babe J**

**I also wanted to thank Amanda for brainstorming with me on this chapter and giving me such great action ideas. It turns out we had so many ideas this part of the story has taken a life of its own, so I'm going to break it up into several parts. **

**Thanks again,**

**Luisa**

_

* * *

Previously_

"_Listen you fucking prick, we saved your ass in Desert Storm and you owe us some loyalty. I don't give a fuck how you get the information, but you better find out who the target was and where they were dropped or I'll personally hunt you down and kill you myself."_

"_Yeah, alright. But you can't tell anyone where you got the information."_

"_I'm calling you back in an hour and you better have what I need." I threw the phone against the wall._

_Shit…what a clusterfuck. If Ranger were okay, he would've contacted me by now. He must be hurt, outnumbered or somewhere he can't get out of without alerting the enemy._

_I picked up the apartment phone and barked, "Santos, find Brown and get to my apartment in five we have a situation. And bring me another cell phone with my number programmed into it. My old one accidentally hit the wall."_

_**

* * *

Chapter 5-Search & Rescue**_

Before he left on his last mission, Ranger had been working to get Stephanie security clearance. He wanted her to start working on the more complex government cases they received from time to time, but the clearance (it) hadn't come through yet. So when Tank asked her to run a search on someone that required security clearance, she knew something wasn't right and her spidey sense hadn't stopped tingling ever since.

"_Tank, you know I can't run this search, Stephanie whined. I haven't received..." _

_Tank cut her off, "Don't worry about the clearance."_

"_I just don't want to do anything that could embarrass or hurt Rangeman's reputation, especially with your government contractors." She quietly responded. She was always worried about possibly embarrassing Ranger or Rangeman. _

"_Look, don't worry about the suits or Rangeman, both will be fine. Just do the search okay?" He'd answered a little more sharply than he had intended. _

_Stephanie flinched at his tone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply you didn't know what you were doing. I'll get right on it." She turned to walk away._

_Tank took a step to close the gap between them and gently grabbed her elbow to stop her. "Steph, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. And you didn't imply anything. I'm just tired and frustrated with this case, okay? Apology accepted?" _

_She could tell he was truly sorry for his behavior and it was out of character for Tank to show distress, so she immediately smiled at him and nodded her head. _

"_Good. Now do me a favor. I don't want anyone outside of Bobby, Lester, and myself to know about the searches that I'm going to be giving you in the next few hours." _

_She was startled that Tank trusted her enough to bring her on such a big case, so she just nodded. _

_He pinned her with his penetrating gaze before he continued. "You're right. The searches I'm asking you to run are highly confidential. Only the four of us will know about them. Do you understand?" _

_Finally finding her voice she said, "Yeah. What's going on Tank?" _

_He hated getting her involved, but he didn't see any other way. She had become their best researcher and right now he needed the best._

"_I'd rather not say yet Steph. I need to gather more information before I can tell you anything." _

_Still confused as to why he brought her on the case instead of one of the other guys, she replied. "Okay, but if they're so confidential why are you letting me see this information? In the past, you, Ranger or one of the other guys would run this kind of search." _

_Tank hesitated for a few seconds trying to find the right words that would convey the importance of the mission without letting on who the mission was about. "Because Lester, Bobby and I don't have any spare time left. There aren't enough hours in the day between our normal workloads, picking up Zero's and Ranger's shifts, running the business and doing the leg work on this case. And there is only one other person that I know Ranger trusts completely and without reservation, and that's you." _

_Stephanie was stunned by Tank's words. She knew that Ranger trusted her and asked her for help from time to time, but never in her wildest dreams did she ever expect to be considered at the same level as Ranger's 'A Team.'_

"_A…are you sure about that?" She asked incredulously asked. _

_Tank smiled at her shock. It still amazed him how she had no idea what effect she had on Ranger and how much she meant to him. "Yeah, I'm sure." _

_He gave her a reprimanding look, before he continued softly, "Come on Bomber, you know that Ranger trusts you implicitly. Haven't his actions over the years proven how much he trusts and values you?" _

_And she was hit by a truth that she tried so hard to deny through the years. She knew Ranger was not a man of words, but rather a man of action. So why did she always dismiss his actions so easily? But she knew the answer to that question and she refused to go down that particular road, especially with Tank. _

_She started to feel uncomfortable. She wasn't sure why, but she became anxious to change the subject, so she nodded and replied, "You're right Tank, I'm sorry. Ranger has always been a good friend and I shouldn't have questioned your judgment. What searches do you need me to run?" _

Tank went over all of the information that he was looking for with her.

* * *

The searches had taken a lot longer than Stephanie had expected and although she got what Tank needed, something about the information seemed off. It was almost too perfect; as if someone had constructed the information. Her instincts were telling her that there was more to these people than what she was finding on them. She needed to talk to Tank and see if there was any other information he could provide that would help find the pieces her spidey sense told her were missing.

She had jotted down a list of questions she felt were important in order to refine the searches and she headed for Tank's office to get his take on them.

She was about to knock on his door, when she heard his voice bark at someone. She wasn't sure if the person was in the office or on the phone, so she peeked through the door that was slightly ajar.

Looking through the crack, she saw that he was speaking to someone over the phone. She couldn't hear what Tank was saying, but she did hear the strain in his voice and see the tension throughout his body. She could tell he was trying to maintain his control, but based on how hard he was holding onto the phone, she didn't think he would last much longer.

Seeing Tank so angry and agitated worried Stephanie. She had never seen him get upset or lose control of his emotions. Like Ranger, Tank prided himself on his ability to maintain his self-control regardless of the situation. So she knew that whatever was going on was big and the stakes were high. Her stomach started to feel squishy. And a wave of irrational panic was overtaking her. In a moment of clarity, her recurring nightmares for the past few weeks, the missing puzzle piece to this case and the reason for Tank's current behavior suddenly connected in her mind…it was Ranger. And just as she was sure that this case involved Ranger, she now also knew he was in mortal danger.

For weeks now, she'd been having nightmares about Ranger where she saw him hurt, and with each day that passed, he looked worse.

Every night she would jerk awake, drenched in a cold sweat, and she couldn't seem to shake the dreams. She tried to convince herself that she was just overreacting to his not calling in for so long, but her denial skills weren't kicking in and she hadn't been able to calm her fears.

_Even in sleep, Steph could feel Ranger's presence before she saw him. _

_She rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed. "What are you doing here Ranger?" _

_Giving her a sad smile. "I'm here to say goodbye to you Babe and to tell you that I'm sorry I never told you how I really feel about you." _

"_Goodbye? " She asked confused. _

"_Yeah. It's time for me to go, but I can't seem to be able to let go of you. I guess I have to get closure on our unfinished business." _

"_I don't understand Ranger. Why are you talking to me in riddles?" _

"_Don't worry Babe. You'll understand soon enough." _

"_Understand what?" She was starting to panic not liking the direction this conversation was going. It smacked of finality and she wanted no part of any kind of ending with Ranger. _

_He shook his head and they locked eyes with an intensity that made Stephanie squirm a little. "It doesn't matter now Babe. Just be happy, okay? And please don't let anyone change you. You're perfect just the way you are. "_

_He lowered his head to softly kiss her lips softly and whispered, "Bye, Babe." And before Steph could respond or react to his words, he'd be gone and she'd be left with a sense of doom and visions of him hurt and getting weaker with each dream._

She was startled from her thoughts when Tank yelled, "Listen old man, I'm done putting up with orders and you better tell those pussies in Washington that if they know what's good for them, they'll stay out of my way."

And now it was all starting to make sense. Ranger had gone in the wind a couple of months ago. Now that she worked at RangeMan for almost a year, she knew that this happened often and that Ranger wasn't the only one who would get called in.

She'd gotten used to the comings and goings. She always inquired about whoever would be called to go. Wanting to know they were safe, but she never pushed for more information. She understood they couldn't talk about the missions they went on because they were government sanctioned and top secret.

But now she wasn't going to stop asking questions. Always aware of the deep connection she shared with Ranger, she didn't question her dreams anymore. She knew they were real and that he was reaching out to her because he didn't think he was going to make it back anymore.

But she'd be damned if she was going to let that happen. He'd saved her more times than she could count and she was going to return the favor.

It didn't matter that she had no idea where he was or what he was doing. Nor did it matter that she wasn't trained for those types of operations. She would travel the world over to find him and help get him back home because she knew that he'd do the same for her.

She was about to push the door open when Tank's phone rang again. She stopped, not wanting to interrupt him, but she leaned in closer to the crack in the door. She knew eavesdropping wasn't right, but the Burg girl in her had to know what was going on with Ranger, and her gut told her the phone call would be about him.

As she listened to Tank's side of the conversation, she watched him intently.

One of the lessons she'd learned from the Merry Men during the last year was that most people gave up more information through their expressions and body language than what they actually said.

It was why they always appeared to be able to read her mind. She had chalked it up to their ESP abilities, but all it had been was her inability to physically hide her feelings and thoughts.

She'd been practicing the blank look and the guys had been giving her tips so she was getting pretty good at it.

She knew that if Tank had been aware of her presence, she'd never get anything out of him. But in his current unguarded state, she felt hopeful to obtain answers to some of her questions.

She stilled and strained to listen when she heard Tank's voice.

"Talk" Tank barked.

He furrowed his brow as he listened to the caller. It looked like he recognized the voice but was having a hard time placing it.

"Yeah, who's this?" He asked suspiciously.

Tank seemed to straighten up as if he wanted to salute when he heard the caller's response. "Sorry, Sir."

Steph's curiosity was peaked when she heard the deference and respect in Tank's voice.

Tank's body relaxed a bit. "Yes, Sir."

"What's going on?"

"Yeah."

"I do now. I just got debriefed right before you called."

To the average observer, they would think Tank was relaxed, but Stephanie had gotten to know him pretty well and she could see signs of the tension building inside of him as the conversation went on.

"Suits in D.C." He responded with disdain.

Tank's jaw tensed and he tightened his grip on the phone as he listened to the caller before he answered. "Nothing ."

"They decided to cut their losses." Not being able to control his disgust. "They said it was too risky to deploy an S&R team."

Stephanie scrunched her face as she tried to decipher what S&R stood for, without missing out on the rest of the conversation.

"I'm about to debrief Lester and Bobby and gathering some last minute intel, sir. We'll be in the air in the next two hours and should be in Bogota by 1730 hours."

Steph let out a gasp. They were leaving. Her worst nightmares were coming true. Ranger was in danger and it sounded like the government was going to leave him hanging in the wind.

Her anger started to creep up into her throat. She couldn't seem to wrap her mind around the idea that Ranger was being considered expendable. Damn them. How could they? Her mental tirade was interrupted when she heard Tank's voice again.

"The strip near the Cathedral of Salt in Zipaquira, sir."

Confused by the name of the cathedral, she quickly wrote it down. Not sure how to spell the town's name, she jotted it down phonetically, along with Colombia and air strip. She'd Google it as soon as she got back to her desk.

"I'm listening sir. But you should know by now that no matter what you say, the men and I are going in."

Stephanie wasn't sure who it could be on the phone, but she did know one thing. Tank trusted this person implicitly.

"Fuck," escaped from Tank's mouth. "Sorry sir. I know how much she means to you."

That caught Stephanie's ear. She? I wonder who they are talking about, she thought.

"What happened?"

She leaned so close to the crack in the door, not wanting to miss anything that she almost lost her footing and fell into the office. She was thankful that Tank was so focused on the call that he hadn't heard the rustling outside his door.

"How well do you know your source sir? Can you trust them?"

He nodded even though the caller couldn't see him. "Understood."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Stephanie knew she didn't have a lot of time. To get answers, she needed to move quickly. She pushed the door and walked into the office with purpose.

"Tank, we have to talk now." Using her most forceful voice.

Tank sighed. "This isn't really a good time."

"I know it isn't, but we're going to talk anyway."

Tank quirked his eyebrow, "Okay Bomber, what do you want to talk about? I don't have much time. The guys and I are going to be leaving in forty-five minutes and I don't know when we'll be back."

"Ranger." She nodded towards the phone. "And the phone call you just finished."

_**

* * *

A/N: So what do you think has happened to Ranger? Who do you think called Tank? Should he tell Steph what's going on? Should she go on the rescue mission or stay in Trenton? I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. They really help motivate my muse, so please read and review. Thanks and I hope you enjoy!**_


	6. Search & RescuePart 2

**Disclaimer: As always, if you recognize them, I don't own them. Just borrowing them for a little while, although I'm not sure I'll give Ranger back. :) **

* * *

**Hi Everyone, **

**I just wanted to once again thank everyone who has reviewed T&R so far! I really appreciate all of your kind words and support. It's made a huge difference in my confidence and my muse loves the attention. **

**I hope you're in the mood to embark on a Journey to my home country Colombia, although you won't see much of it this time...I'm planning on taking you to a few beautiful and not so beautiful places in it. **

**I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**Hugs, **

**Luisa **

_

* * *

Previously_

_Stephanie knew she didn't have a lot of time. To get answers, she needed to move quickly. She pushed the door and walked into the office with purpose._

_Using her most forceful voice, she called out to him. "Tank, we have to talk now." _

_Tank sighed. "This isn't really a good time." _

"_I know it isn't, but we're going to talk anyway." _

_Tank quirked his eyebrow, "Okay Bomber, what do you want to talk about? I don't have much time. The guys and I are going to be leaving soon and I don't know when we'll be back." _

"_Ranger." She nodded towards the phone. "And the phone call you just finished." _

**

* * *

Search & Rescue-Part 2**

Tank narrowed his eyes at her. "How do you know about the phone call?"

Stephanie had the decency to feel bad about her eavesdropping and blushed. "I wasn't eavesdropping on purpose. I came over to talk about the searches you gave me and I heard you on the phone, so I waited outside."

She shrugged. "Your door was ajar so I heard pieces of your conversation. At least enough to know it was about Ranger. What's going on?"

Tank didn't want to get her involved anymore than she was already, so he tried to deflect answering her question with the standard line that usually stopped further inquiries. "I can't tell you that Steph. It's classified information."

Stephanie lost her temper. He was stonewalling her and she'd be damned if she was going to let him get away with it.

"That's a load of crap Tank, and you know it. Weren't you the one who told me this morning that I was one of the few people Ranger really trusted and that I shouldn't worry about not having the right security clearance? Now you're trying to hide behind the '_that's classified'_ bullshit."

Tank mentally cringed. Shit! He really didn't think she'd call him on it, and based on the look in her eyes, she wasn't going to let this go. He didn't have time for arguments so he made the decision to come clean with her.

"You're right Steph. I'm sorry. That was out of line."

Steph just stared at him in shock. She didn't think he would give in so easily. The fact he did scared the shit out of her because that meant this situation was worse than she thought.

"Tank, you never give in so easily. You're scaring me."

"I don't mean to, but you should know that what you're going to hear next won't be good."

Her voice shook. "T..Tank what the hell is going on?"

He blew out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding and rubbed his face before looking back at her. "I don't have time to say this twice, so let me call Lester and Bobby. I need to brief them before we leave for the airport."

She couldn't choke down the huge lump she felt in her throat so she just nodded.

Tank flipped his phone and hit a speed dial key. "Santos get Brown and come to my office now. I have information on Ranger."

He shut his phone and turned back to Stephanie. "Okay, they're on their way."

* * *

Stephanie took a chair across from Tank with her back to the door. No more than two minutes later, she felt a presence in the room causing her to shiver. It unnerved her as there was only one person she'd ever sensed before she saw and that was Ranger.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Could it be him? Of course not! When she turned around she saw Lester and Bobby standing right inside the doorway, power and intensity radiating from their bodies causing her to come close to wetting her pants.

She unconsciously pushed back. For a split second she felt fearful of these men she called friends.

It had been almost three years since she started working around and with these men. She'd seen many faces on them including their badass bounty hunter ones, but for the first time she was looking at the darkest part of these men. The part they hid from most people because they knew the average person couldn't handle it. She'd always known these men could be deadly but for the first time she saw the mercenary in them.

She was mesmerized. They looked like warriors ready to go into battle.

Lester and Bobby stayed motionless at Tank's door. They looked over at Tank in confusion, mentally asking what Stephanie was doing in his office if he had information to report.

He silently told them that her presence wasn't up for discussion and he'd take the heat when the time came. Tank actually looked forward to that conversation.

The guys shrugged their shoulders, and their demeanor instantly changed. They nodded their heads at her to acknowledge her presence before they took their seats.

Bobby was the first to speak. "So what did you find out?"

Tank cut his eyes to Stephanie. She was wide eyed, sitting on the edge of her chair anxiously biting her bottom lip, waiting for what he was going to say next.

He locked eyes with her and for the first time, she had an ESP moment. He silently asked her if she was sure she could handle what was coming next.

Without hesitation, she nodded.

Okay, Tank thought, here goes nothing.

"Ranger is in the middle of a cluster fuck. He was sent to Colombia to assist in a covert op which has gone bad. His cover was blown, five men are dead, Meaghan Monroe has been kidnapped, and he and two of his men are in the wind."

Bobby and Lester simultaneously muttered, "Fuck."

Steph gasped as the color drained from her face.

"How long has he and the men been MIA?" Bobby asked.

"A little over two weeks."

"Do we know who's with him?" Bobby asked.

"Not yet, but we should know soon."

Lester furrowed his brow and asked, "Colonel Monroe's daughter?"

"Yes."

Stephanie didn't know who they were talking about so she asked, "Who are Colonel and Meaghan Monroe?"

"He was our commanding officer. Ranger and I served under him since the day we became Rangers until the day we were discharged. Bobby and Lester joined our unit a couple of years later. And Meaghan is his sixteen year old daughter."

"Sixteen?" Steph asked dazed. "Do you know if she's okay?"

Tank shook his head. "Not for sure, but we think she's still alive. Her kidnappers are using her as a negotiating tool to arrange the release of Julian Sandoval's brother. He controls all of the drug exportation out of Colombia. But I think she's running out of time."

"What do you mean running out of time?" She asked.

Tank paused as he took a moment to choose his words carefully. "Our government is willing to live with her being collateral damage."

Steph sucked in air. Surely they wouldn't sacrifice a young girl's life. Thinking of her nieces and not wanting to believe the truth in Tank's words, she replied, "Tank, are you sure? Would they really sacrifice a child, if there was a way to save her?"

Tank snorted. "Bomber I wish I had your blind faith in our government, but I've seen too much. Trust me…they'd sacrifice her in a heartbeat. Especially if they thought it was going to safeguard secrets that the American public couldn't handle."

Steph didn't know what to say to that so she stayed quiet.

"So when do we leave?" Bobby asked not wanting Steph to dwell on the harsh truth she'd just heard.

Tank checked his watch. "We need to be at the airport by 1530, but here's the problem. Sandoval has compounds in several locations some of which are in the Amazon…"

"Shit," Lester muttered.

"Exactly," Tank replied. "We're on our own on this mission, even the Agency has bailed. The odds that you'll get it again are too high. I'm not willing to risk having to leave you behind, so we're taking Hector instead."

Stephanie furrowed her brow. She was confused. It sounded like they were leaving Lester here, but that couldn't be right. "I don't understand. Why are you taking Hector instead of Lester? Why would it be too risky to take him?

"Bomber this won't be the first time we're in Colombia. We actually were on assignment there for almost a year and in that time Lester was captured and held in the jungle. He was exposed to Malaria for a long period of time without any treatment. When we finally found him, he was almost dead.

She nodded as she took in Tank's words and then heard a voice as it said, "I'm going with you," before she recognized it as her own.

"No." Tank boomed.

"Please Tank. Let me help. I owe it to Ranger for all of the times he has helped me." She said calmly.

He reached out to grab her hand and squeezed gently in a gesture of reassurance. "You can help Bomber."

She let out a breath, relieved he wasn't going to fight her on this. "Than…."

"From here." Tank gently cut her off before she could finish thanking him.

She pulled her hand from his grip as if she'd been burned by his touch. She felt betrayed and her anger was starting to build. "That was cruel Tank," she spat at him.

"I'm sorry, but there are a dozen reasons why you can't come with us. The top two being Ranger would kill me if I let you get involved and then there's Morelli. Did you forget about him? We both know he would have an aneurysm if you even mention wanting to go with us. But most importantly, I need you to stay here and help Lester run Rangeman."

She didn't want to think about his first two reasons, so she ignored them and focused on the one she felt was easiest to dispel.

"Help run Rangeman? You're kidding right?" She scoffed. "What the hell do I know about running this place?"

It never seemed to amaze Tank how she underestimated herself. Her family and the cop had really done a number on her.

He felt Lester and Bobby intently watching their exchange.

He knew they loved Steph like a sister and they hated seeing her self-doubt. All of the men had come to respect her abilities. They were proud of how far she'd come in her training.

Not too long after she started working at Rangeman, they all realized that she was a lot smarter and more capable than they'd ever thought. Her instincts usually proved to be spot on and now that she was training properly, she had become a force to be reckoned with.

Unfortunately, Steph's self confidence was still lacking. She never considered herself an equal to the rest of the men. He needed to dispel her self-doubt once and for all, especially since it could all be….

His thought was cut off as he heard Steph's voice. "Tank?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to answer me?" She asked impatiently.

"Yeah. And I want you to listen because I don't have time to repeat myself. Okay?"

She nodded.

"You know more than you think. How long have you been helping me with the administrative side of the business now?" He asked her.

She tilted her head in thought and finally shrugged. "I don't know about five months now," she replied.

"And who goes to most new client meetings with me or Ranger?"

She thought about it for a minute and looked at him surprised. "Me?"

He nodded.

"And who helped me figure out all of those damn financial reports I hate?"

She looked at him as she caught on where he was going and hesitantly replied, "Me."

"Exactly, so you see? You're much more qualified than you think."

She violently shook her head. "Okay, maybe I have the business side down, but I don't know the first thing about the operational side of the business." She replied.

But Tank was way ahead of her, knowing she'd go there. "You know enough. You're at all of our planning meetings and you won't be responsible for the daily tactical operations, Lester will be.

I've already spoken to all of the office heads and they're aware that Lester and _you_ will be in charge until we get back."

"B…but, I just can't do this Tank. It's too much!" She whined.

"Come on beautiful, I need you to do this. You aren't going to leave me hanging are you?" Lester pleaded.

She shook her head and wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Please Bomber," he whispered.

Shit she hated that damn word. She could never say no when Ranger or one of his Merry Men used it. She knew it wasn't a word they used often and if they did, it was because what they were asking for was important.

She heaved a sigh and looked up at him.

"You can do this! I know you can." He pointed at Tank and Bobby, "They know you can. And deep down you know you can, too"

Tank took over by gently coaxing. "The only person that needs to believe it is you."

"Okay Tank, I'm not going to fight you on this anymore because frankly you have bigger fish to fry. But I warn you now that if I fuck this up it's on your head."

"Deal." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight to show his appreciation. "Thanks Stephanie. I know everything is going to work out fine."

He didn't have time for this right now, but when he got back from this cluster fuck, he was going to kick the cop's ass for letting her believe his bullshit.

* * *

Colonel Drake grabbed a towel as he got out of the shower, drying his hard muscled body with quick efficiency. He wrapped the towel around his narrow waist, walked to the sink, and with his hand wiped the fog from the mirror. He was thrown by what he saw. No longer recognizing the man in the mirror who looked back at him. He'd always taken pride in controlling his emotions. He was known for his strength, for his ability to quickly assess a situation and take control of it, and his talent to successfully overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. He'd been told his whole career that he was a natural born leader and his future was bright, but all he saw in the mirror now was a defeated man.

It wasn't that he'd never lost a man before. There was no way he could have the number of missions he had under his belt and not have casualties. Both he and his men understood death was a probability in their line of work. Early on he figured out that even though he could feel the loss of his friends, he couldn't carry the guilt if he was going to continue in the military.

So he asked himself two questions when he lost one of his men. First, had they been prepared for battle? And second, could he have done anything differently to have changed the outcome? If he answered positively to the first and negatively to the second, then he'd make peace with himself and honor the man as best he could.

But this time, he couldn't find any peace. Because this time he was responsible for the death of his men and for Meaghan's kidnapping.

In a rare moment of self-indulgence he let the full impact of his guilt wash over his body. He closed his eyes and prayed to a God he'd stopped believing in for the strength and knowledge to fix the fucked up mess he created and get Meaghan and the men out alive.

* * *

Steph was showing Junior what searches needed to be completed, when her phone rang. She distractedly picked up the phone, "Yo."

Tank chuckled at her greeting. It was just another sign that she had become a part of the team.

"Bomber you're even starting to sound like us," he teased her.

But she had been so engrossed in briefing Junior that she didn't catch what he'd said.

"Huh? What are you talking about Tank?"

"Never mind it isn't important." But it was and he took it as a sign that he'd made the right decision to team her up with Lester.

"Can you meet me and the guys in the conference room?"

"Is it time?" She hesitantly asked.

"Yeah, it is Steph." He quietly replied.

"Okay, I'm on my way."

She hung up, pushed her chair back and stood. "I'll be back in a few."

"Okay, Steph."

She quickly made her way to the conference room; she swung the door open and found Hector with Tank and the guys waiting for her.

A wave of emotion overtook her as she looked at these brave selfless men who she was lucky enough to call friends.

She would forever be thankful for having them in her life because they'd accomplished something no one else had been able to do before…they had made her feel truly accepted for who she was and not who they wanted her to be.

She pushed back the melancholy for later; right now they needed her to be strong.

"Hey guys." She casually greeted trying to break the tension and bring normalcy to the moment.

"Bomber." They all chorused.

"Are you guys ready?"

"Yeah, we just wanted to say goodbye," Tank replied.

Overwhelmed by emotion, a lump formed in Stephanie's throat and she was holding back tears that were threatening to fall. She would try her damndest to make them proud of her. They were putting a lot of faith in her and she was determined to not let them down.

Realizing this could be the last time she saw these three brave men, she uncharacteristically hugged each one, telling them that she was proud of them, to please be careful, and to safely come back home with Ranger.

Right before Tank let go of her, he whispered in her ear, "I'm proud of you, and he would be, too."

She squeezed him one last time and whispered, "Thanks."

* * *

He was running through the mountain brush as fast as his injuries allowed. His left arm was broken, he had a couple of broken ribs and his ankle was tender, probably fractured. He knew from the difficulty in breathing that he most likely had some internal injuries as well, but right now he couldn't focus on them. Using all of the techniques he'd learned as a Ranger, he pushed back his pain and tried to increase the gap between himself and his captors. He had one shot to get as far away from them as he possibly could before they realized he escaped. Not sure where he was exactly, he continued sensing something familiar about the area. Without a compass, he was running on instinct but it had always served him well before, so he didn't question it now.

He ran for about an hour. The sun was setting and it was becoming more difficult to see through the overgrown vegetation that seemed to be enveloping him from all sides.

But he kept pushing forward knowing that he didn't have much time. He occasionally backtracked, in hopes that he would throw off those that would come after him. He still couldn't believe they had let their guard down and left him alone and untied.

Their mistake was underestimating him and for that they were going to pay. Now all he had to do was get to a place where he could call for help.

His only hope was that he wasn't too late to save his men.

_TBC_

**A/N: Will the guys make it in time to save Ranger and Meaghan? Should I send Stephanie to Colombia to help in the rescue or leave her in Trenton to hold down the fort? How do you think Joe will react to Ranger's disappearance or to her new role at Rangeman? **


	7. Chapter 7: Paths Less Traveled

_**Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Janet Evanovich except the ones that are mine, and I'm just playing.**_

_**Warnings: Violence, Semi-Smut, and spoilers through 11.**_

_**A/N: Special thanks to Stayce for the editing, hand holding and ass kicking. I couldn't have done it without you Babe!**_

_**I know it has been a really long time since I've updated, but RL and a muse that refused to cooperate had me stuck in writer's hell! But I finally got something out that I hope you'll enjoy. I'm going to try and stick to a more regular writing schedule, but I won't make any promises as it seems that as soon as I open my mouth the muse decides to make me look bad.**_

_**Thank you to all of you wonderful readers and reviewers. Please keep the reviews coming, my muse and I love to hear from you! **_

_**Truth and Realizations**_

_**By Luisa (MiamiBabe)**_

_

* * *

_

"_Are you guys ready?"_

"_Yeah, we just wanted to say goodbye," Tank replied._

_Overwhelmed by emotion, a lump formed in Stephanie's throat and she was holding back tears that were threatening to fall. She would try her damndest to make them proud of her. They were putting a lot of faith in her and she was determined to not let them down._

_Realizing this could be the last time she saw these three brave men, she uncharacteristically hugged each one, telling them that she was proud of them, to please be careful, and to safely come back home with Ranger._

_Right before Tank let go of her, he whispered in her ear, "I'm proud of you, and he would be, too."_

_She squeezed him one last time and whispered, "Thanks."_

_He was running through the mountain brush as fast as his injuries allowed. His left arm was broken, he had a couple of broken ribs and his ankle was tender, probably fractured. He knew from the difficulty in breathing that he most likely had some internal injuries as well, but right now he couldn't focus on them. Using all of the techniques he'd learned as a Ranger, he pushed back his pain and tried to increase the gap between himself and his captors. He had one shot to get as far away from them as he possibly could before they realized he escaped. Not sure where he was exactly, he continued sensing something familiar about the area. Without a compass, he was running on instinct but it had always served him well before, so he didn't question it now. _

_He ran for about an hour. The sun was setting and it was becoming more difficult to see through the overgrown vegetation that seemed to be enveloping him from all sides._

_But he kept pushing forward knowing that he didn't have much time. He occasionally backtracked, in hopes that he would throw off those that would come after him. He still couldn't believe they had let their guard down and left him alone and untied._

_Their mistake was underestimating him and for that they were going to pay. Now all he had to do was get to a place where he could call for help._

_His only hope was that he wasn't too late to save his men._

_**

* * *

**_

* * *

It had been difficult to not break down in front of Tank, Bobby and Hector but she had promised herself she would be strong for them. 

She had rushed out of the conference room towards the restroom seeking some privacy before she let herself fall apart, but she wasn't fast enough. Before she knew what had happened Lester grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back into his chest. He'd turned her around to face him. "Don't worry, Beautiful. They're good at what they do."

She couldn't speak so she nodded while her head rested on his chest.

"Steph?"

With her head still buried in his chest, she answered, "Yeah?"

"Look at me," he said softly.

She tilted her head up and locked eyes with him. "Don't lose faith. He's going to come back. He's the best at what he does."

He tightened his grip on her in an attempt to give her some of his strength. He stood there, hugging her, until she regained her composure. Once she pulled away from him and he saw she was better, he gently pulled her by the hand and deposited her back at her desk. He silently nudged her to get some work done in an attempt to distract her from her depressing thoughts. She squeezed his hand in silent thanks. He nodded and then went back to his office.

* * *

He was exhausted. It was three in the morning and he was barely making it home. It was spring and the psychos were in full bloom. He couldn't wait to get into the house, take a shower and fall asleep with his arms wrapped around a slumbering Stephanie. 

He wearily walked to the door, put the key in the lock and tensed his body for Bob's nightly tackle, but it never came. He furrowed his brow and his body instinctively went on alert. No matter what time of night he came home, Bob always greeted him at the door.

Looking back at the street, he confirmed that Steph's car was at the curb. Turning back, he stepped into the house with caution, silently closed the door, and stood completely still, listening, as he tried to pick up anything unusual. Everything seemed to be in place, but he still couldn't shake a sense of foreboding. He'd been a cop long enough to always trust his instincts, so he pulled his gun. Quietly making his way around the front living room, he didn't see anything out of order. He decided to go upstairs and ensure that Stephanie was okay.

He slowly climbed the stairs making sure he didn't step on any of the floorboards that squeaked with age. He cautiously made his way to their room and stopped. He didn't want to give a potential intruder an advantage by going in half cocked. He grabbed the knob and turned it slowly to avoid making any unnecessary noise. He took a deep breath and cracked the door open to give him a chance to see if anything was amiss before he gave away his hand. And that's when his heart stopped. The bed was made and Stephanie was nowhere to be found. He felt panic start to curl in his belly. Her car was out front, Bob didn't greet him and now she wasn't in bed, yet the house was eerily quiet.

He quickly checked the bathroom and the other bedrooms to ensure she wasn't there and then he slowly made his way back down the stairs to check the last room of the house. He berated himself for being so on edge, she's probably just making herself and Bob a late night snack, but even he didn't believe that. Still leading with his gun, he slowly swung the kitchen door open and stopped in his tracks.

There was Stephanie, sitting at the kitchen table in the dark, looking out the window as if she was in a trance, with Bob watching over her with sad and concerned eyes. When he sensed Joe, he lifted his head and whimpered but he wouldn't leave Steph's side. What had Joe concerned was that Steph still hadn't realized he was in the room. What the fuck was going on? What could have her in such a state?

He slowly walked towards her, whispering her name so that he wouldn't startle her but she didn't move or respond. When he reached her, he gently put his hand on her shoulder and with a little more force he called, "Cupcake…are you okay?"

She still wouldn't answer. She seemed lost, almost in shock. His panic was beginning to rise.

He raised his hand to her face and called, "Steph…please talk to me. What's going on?"

At the feel of his warm hand on her ice cold cheek, she jumped. "Joe?? You scared the shit out of me!"

* * *

Steph walked into the house and was tackled by Bob, which made her smile. She needed all of the comfort she could get. She was still numb from everything she learned today about Ranger and his whereabouts. She wondered if the guys had made it to Colombia safely, but she knew they would be in the wind until they gathered enough Intel on Meaghan's safety and Ranger's location. 

A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of what that poor little girl might be going through. She just prayed the guys would get to her in time.

As she walked into the kitchen to find a snack for Bob and something to eat for herself, she was struck with an image of Ranger being chased through thick brush, but she couldn't see by what or who. The image disappeared almost as soon as it came, but the fear that she was experiencing was so overpowering that it caused her legs to buckle. Luckily she was able to grab onto the back of a chair before she hit the ground. She slowly lowered herself onto the seat, needing to sit for a few minutes to regain her balance. Once she sat down, though, she lost track of time. Her mind began to race with all of the worst case scenarios and she lost the ability to think rationally. All she could think about was that, this time, Ranger might never come back. This last thought hovered in her head and she couldn't shake it. She felt the panic rise through her body. Her breathing became labored, her hands started to sweat. What if the guys couldn't find him? What would she do if she never got to see his beautiful face again? She began to shiver. How could she survive without him in her life? She couldn't breathe. The image of Ranger appeared again. He was still running. It looked like he was coming to the edge of a mountainside and then he dropped from sight. She heard someone yelling Nooooooo!!! She never realized that she was the one who was screaming. She raised her legs up onto the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, rocking herself back in forth…repeating the word No…over and over.

She was oblivious to the fact she was in the dark and that she hadn't moved from her seat in hours. Once her panic attack subsided, she began remembering every moment she ever had with Ranger. From the first time they met at the café to the present where they were still hammering out the finer points of their new friendship. As she relived all of her adventures and mishaps with him her heart soared and nosedived more times than she could count. And then it hit her…having Ranger in her life was the equivalent of her lifelong desire to fly. Yes he was physically perfect. He could make her melt and forget her name with just a kiss. She sighed. It had been a long time since she'd been kissed by Ranger. But the real thing that connected her to him was that he saw her, really saw her… not only for who she was now, but who she wanted to be.

How would she live without his unwavering support and friendship? As she was sending up a prayer for his safe return, she was startled from her reverie by a hand on her cheek. "Joe?? You scared the shit out of me!"

"I've been trying to get your attention for a couple of minutes now, but you didn't hear me." He gently replied.

She looked up at him with confusion in her eyes. "You have? I guess I didn't hear you?"

"Obviously! What's going on? Why are you sitting here in the middle of the night in the dark?

Middle of the night? "What time is it?" She asked.

"It's a little after three in the morning. What's the matter?"

Holy shit! She'd been sitting here for hours. How the hell had she lost track of time? She was drained and her emotions were raw. She knew she needed to tell Joe what was going on, but she just didn't have the energy or strength to do that right now. Knowing she would lose it if she talked about Ranger at this moment, she tried to deflect the subject. "Joe, can we please talk about it tomorrow? I'm exhausted."

He searched her face and saw how worn she looked. He didn't like being put off, but he was beat and didn't have the energy to get into it either, so he acquiesced to her request. "Okay Steph, but we _will_ talk about this tomorrow. Why don't you go upstairs while I let Bob out one more time? I'll be there in a few minutes."

Relieved she gave him a small smile and brushed her lips over his to show her gratitude. "Okay and thanks for understanding." She got up and went to get ready for bed.

* * *

The guys had safely landed in Colombia, but they still weren't out of the woods. They had flown under the radar and landed at an abandoned airstrip at the top of Guadalupe Mountain. During their flight, they'd received a call from the Colonel alerting them to a change of plans. He was being followed by Sandoval's men, he said, and they wouldn't have a prayer of executing their plan if they were even remotely connected to each other. 

The element of surprise would be their biggest asset and they'd lose that advantage if even one of Sandoval's men saw them. The Colonel gave them instructions to rapidly disembark the plane and have it take off before anyone noticed their arrival. Sandoval had men everywhere. It looked like everyone and their grandmother was looking for Ranger and his men. Lastly, he told them that their old friend Miguel would meet them at the house that would serve as their base camp and fill them in on the rest of the details about the mission.

To avoid Sandoval's men, they were forced to stay off the roads, not that there were many anyway, and hike through miles of dense brush and thick forest that covered the majority of the mountain. Their progress was slow. They were bogged down with the equipment they hadn't anticipated on carrying, but couldn't afford to leave on the plane.

Looking into the horizon was like gazing into a large ocean in variant shades of green. At times it was difficult to see where they were going as the lush trees and vegetation seemed to swallow them up. Even Tank seemed dwarfed by the plants that surrounded them.

"I'm surprised it's so cool here. I always thought of Colombia as a sub-tropical country. I pictured it totally different." Hector commented.

"Trust me there are plenty of sub-tropical parts to this country, we just happen to be in the part of the country that has temperate weather. If we were in Cali or Cartagena, we'd be sweating our balls off. Luckily for us Bogota's weather is pretty mild." Tank replied.

"Well that's a visual I could have done without," Hector quipped as he tried to shake the mental picture from his mind.

* * *

Even though she was exhausted, sleep wouldn't come to her. Her mind raced with thoughts of Ranger. Was he safe? Would she ever see him again? But, most of all her head was spinning with her new responsibility at work and her determination to not let Ranger down. He'd always been there for her. She was going to make him proud and make sure that when he got home, he found RangeMan in the same condition he left it. 

She looked over at the clock and saw that it wasn't even six in the morning. Knowing she wasn't going to be able to get any sleep and wanting to get a jump on the day, she slipped quietly out of bed in order to not wake up Joe. She grabbed her underwear and clothes and headed towards the bathroom.

As she came back into the room to get her boots, Joe stirred awake. He pushed himself up against the headboard causing the sheets to ride low on his hips. Her heart skipped a beat. She never quite got over how beautiful he was.

"Hey…"

"Morning Cupcake," he looked at the clock and frowned when he saw the time, "what are you doing up so early?"

Shrugging, she replied, "Couldn't sleep…I'm full of pent up energy, so I thought I'd get a jump on the day."

His whiskey brown eyes darkened and he gave her one of his movie star smiles that caused her to ruin her panties.

He crooked his finger at her and huskily called her over to the bed. "I think I can help you out with that pent up energy problem."

"You're like the big bad wolf," she accused him as she walked to the bed.

"Yeah and I can't wait to eat you." He said as he waggled his eyebrows, as he quickly grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down on top of him.

He captured her lips in a passionate kiss and when his tongue tangled with hers she felt content for the first time in a long time so she let herself get lost in the moment.

After making love a couple of times, they laid sated and tangled together in bed.

"Where were you going so early?" Joe asked.

"The office."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"I've been given new responsibilities and I have to make sure that nothing falls through the crack. The guys are counting on me."

Joe's mood immediately changed. What was Manoso trying to pull now?

"What new responsibilities?" He asked with more bite than he had intended.

"What the hell got into you?" She shot back at him as she pulled away from his embrace.

Shit. He knew this wasn't the way to stay on Stephanie's good side. Calm down. Breathe. Just hear her out before you jump to conclusions. He blew out a breath and regained control of his temper.

"Nothing Cupcake," he pulled her back into his arms and brushed his lips lightly over hers, "So are these new responsibilities what have you wound up so tight?"

She took a deep breath and began telling Joe everything that had been going on in the past couple of weeks with Ranger.

She hadn't been looking into Joe's face as she recounted the story so she couldn't see his expression as she finished. "…Tank, Bobby and Hector went to find Ranger and they left me in charge of RangeMan, so you see I've got to make sure everything is running smoothly. They're counting on me."

At first Joe was jealous to see how Ranger's disappearance was affecting Stephanie. He was brewing as he thought that even when Ranger wasn't around, he was a wedge between them. But when he heard that they'd left her in charge of RangeMan, his demeanor changed and he barked out a laugh.

"What the hell is so funny?" Stephanie demanded.

It took a few minutes for him to control his laughter before he could speak. "No offense Cupcake, but what the hell do you know about running a business…let alone RangeMan?"

She couldn't believe he was laughing at her. She was devastated at his reaction. Is that how little he thought of her? Is that the kind of faith he had in her?

"I always knew Manoso was psycho, but now I know he's certifiable." He muttered to himself.

And in the blink of an eye, she went from hurt to rhino mode as she heard his snide remark.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" She growled at him.

He threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "What? You have to admit that it's a little farfetched to put you in charge of a highly successful security business don't you think? I mean no offense Steph, but professionally you're a mess. Ranger wasn't thinking with a full deck the day he made that decision."

She couldn't believe what had just come out of his mouth. Didn't he even realize how condescending or hurtful his words were? How could he make love to her with such passion and within a few minutes degrade her in such a way?

"Is that how you really see me Joe? As an incompetent fool…a joke. What am I to you? Someone who gives you a good laugh and a good lay, but not smart enough to excel at her job?"

"Shit Cupcake that isn't what I meant?"

"Isn't it? Because that's exactly how it sounded. You think someone has to be certifiable to even consider me for a job that doesn't require rolling in garbage. I guess all my hard work and training these past months was for nothing. Because in your eyes, I'm still the fuck up bounty hunter everyone laughs at and bets on. Well I'm glad to know where I stand with you."

She rolled out of bed, grabbed her clothes from the floor and walked towards the bathroom.

"Steph…come back here. That isn't what I meant. Please come back and talk to me." He pleaded with her.

She stopped and turned. And with a calm that she didn't really feel, she said, "You've made you're your position perfectly clear. Message received and noted. But, whether you believe in me or not, is irrelevant because Ranger, Tank and the rest of the RangeMan guys think I can do it and I'm not going to let them down. So get used to me working late and doing whatever it takes to not disappoint them." And with that said, she walked into the bathroom and locked the door.

What the fuck just happened? How could he have gone from heaven to hell in less than an hour? Why the hell did he say those things? She's right. She'd changed. She became more than competent at her job and yet his first reaction was to humiliate her. He still didn't really think that she could handle the job, but he could have been more supportive instead of an asshole. How could he make it up to her? After a few minutes, he convinced himself that with time she'd get over it and things would go back to normal. That was their way. But deep down he knew that he may have just made a mistake that could cause irreparable damage to their relationship. And if it did, he wouldn't have anyone to blame but himself.

* * *

The thing about Colombia was the visceral rawness to its nature. There were no man made roads on the mountain or easily followed paths through the vegetation. Walking through the brush required constant swinging of their knives and a careful eye for snakes and other dangerous wildlife that was indigenous to this particular part of the world. Tank and Bobby had been handling the trek okay, but Hector wasn't doing so well. "Hector are you okay man? Do you need to take a break?" Tank asked. 

Between the altitude and his gear, Hector was struggling to breathe but he just shook his head and signaled with his hand that they should continue. Right at that moment, they heard movement and voices coming towards them.

"Pull back," Tank whispered.

Bobby and Hector immediately slipped into the brush and waited for Tank's signal.

"¡Vengan acá! Creo que vi movimiento por estos lados." One of Sandoval's men shouted at the other two men with him.

They were walking towards Tank. Shit if they discovered him they were all fucked. Bobby signaled to Hector to circle around and position himself behind the men. If they got any closer, Bobby would cause a distraction to enable Hector to attack them from behind.

Tank was crouched and holding himself perfectly still behind a cluster of bushes that was bordering a clearing. He slowed his breathing and pulled his knife out of his boot waiting to see what the other men did next. He hoped they changed their course, but he'd do whatever it took to not be caught.

One of the men came within a few feet of Tank's hiding place, but just as he thought they were going to discover him the other man shouted back at him, "Yo no veo nada. Te estás imaginando cosas. Tú y yo sabemos que no hay nadie acá arriba. Vámonos para el campamento antes que se haga oscuro."

Tank didn't move until he was sure the men were no longer in the vicinity before he signaled Bobby and Hector to come out.

"That was too fucking close," Bobby whispered.

"Fuckin' A," Tank replied, "Let's get the hell out of here before they change their minds and come back for a second look."

The close call gave them an adrenaline rush that spurred them to move faster up the mountain and finally to the back roads, which would lead them to the house they'd be using as a base.

As they approached the house, they weren't sure what they were going to find, so they pulled back to regroup. They hid their gear, and pulled out their semi-automatics and circled the property signaling each other as each sector was deemed clear of danger. They were tired and tension was high after their close call, the last thing they needed was to walk into a trap.

Just as they made their way back to where they'd left their packs, they saw someone open the front door of the house and whistle. Tank and Bobby smiled as they recognized their old friend Miguel's signal for the 'all clear'.

They grabbed their gear and walked towards the house. It was good to see him.

"Hola Miguel," Tank called out.

"Hola mi amigo. Long time no see." He replied as he clapped the tall man's back.

"Bobby, good to see you, too."

"You, too."

"And who is this?" Miguel asked as he gestured towards Hector.

"This is Hector. He works for Ranger in Trenton. We didn't want to take any chances with Lester, so he stayed behind to mind the business and we brought Hector with us."

"Qu'vo. Gusto en conocerte." Miguel said as he stretched his hand out towards Hector.

"Lo mismo," Héctor replied.

"¿De adonde eres?" Miguel asked.

"Soy de Puerto Rico." Héctor replied.

"¿Así que eres Boricua?"

Héctor broke into a genuine smile and replied, "cien por ciento."

"Chévere."

Miguel had been integral to Lester's rescue and their ultimate escape from the country after their last mission was successfully completed. They were grateful that he was willing to help them with their search because having him could make the difference between success and failure. Miguel grew up in the mountains of Bogota. He had traveled every inch of the area and knew everyone that lived there.

He was an honorable man, who despite his humble background and the constant pressure to join either a drug lords' regime or a terrorist group had been able to maintain a strong moral code. He firmly believed in making his country a better place and he did everything in his power to help in the fight against both groups.

Miguel and the guys had just settled into the house and were sitting around the dining room table eating and listening to Miguel fill them in on the details that Colonel Monroe wasn't able to tell them over the phone.

Sandoval had contacts everywhere and he found out that the U.S. government had pulled the plug on the mission. Now, the Colonel was on his own, so Sandoval didn't expect any more military interference. He had already killed five of the men on Ranger's team and their mutilated bodies had been thrown at the main entrance of one of the bases in the city. He was sending a message to Monroe and the military that he was in control and he didn't care who they sent after him.

But that wasn't enough. Sandoval saw to it that the word was spread the he had put a price on the heads of the three remaining American soldiers who had escaped. Anyone who helped him capture them would be a very rich man.

Tank was amazed when he heard that this whole cluster fuck was caused by teenaged hormones, and Meghan developing a crush on Andres, a new boy at school. Like any concerned military father, Monroe had run a background check that came up clean. He was familiar with the wealthy, powerful, and respected family. It wasn't until after the kidnapping that he uncovered Colombia's best kept secret … Andres was Julian Sandoval's illegitimate son.

Sandoval had found out about the burgeoning relationship between the two teenagers and he ordered his son to convince the girl to go with him into the woods so that his men could grab her without being detected.

He immediately contacted Colonel Monroe and laid out his demands and conditions for Meghan's release. Unfortunately, the U.S. government was willing to live with her being collateral damage and refused to deal. The Colonel was desperate and had run out of options, so after the Agency had turned him down, he contacted Ranger.

Ranger came in, gathered all the intelligence available and came up with what they all thought was a good plan. Unfortunately, no one knew that Ranger had been recognized. No one anticipated the ambush and now Ranger and his last two team members were missing, and no one knew what condition they were in.

"What about Meghan? Do you know where they are holding her or what kind of shape she's in? Bobby asked.

"We were finally able to locate her late yesterday. We finally got a break when my sister Susana told me that Meghan's being held at Sandoval's compound on Monserrate.

"Susana? What the hell is she doing working for Sandoval?" Tank asked.

"She volunteered to go in undercover as a cook to relay what's going on in the compound."

"Shit Miguel what the hell were you thinking?"

He shook his head before replying, "I wasn't thinking anything. When Susana heard about Meaghan's kidnapping and then Ranger's disappearance, she was determined to find a way to help out."

Tank and Bobby looked at each other and shook their heads in disbelief. It wasn't enough that they were on a fucking suicide mission, now they were going to have to find a way to make sure Susana's cover wasn't blown. Tank had a feeling this might lead to other complications in the long run, but he'd think about them later. Right now they had to stay focused and make sure everyone got out alive.

"Okay so what did she find out?" Tank asked.

They're keeping her in an outbuilding on the perimeter of the compound. Susana was able to get a glimpse of her when she took her some food yesterday. Physically she doesn't look too bad, but we all know that doesn't mean anything other than they haven't beaten her. She also said she looked out of it, as if she was sedated."

"Was Susana able to get information on why they suddenly changed their strategy? What made them come back to the compound? They must have known that it would make it easier for Monroe to find her." Tank furrowed his brow. Was this just another way for Sandoval to taunt The Colonel? Of sending him a message that he was untouchable and held all of the power in this game? It was almost as if he was daring Monroe to attack, or was it? He knew that Sandoval enjoyed flexing his muscles, but something was bothering him about the sudden change in their plans.

Miguel nodded. "For four weeks they had been holding her at makeshift camps all over the mountains, and then all of a sudden yesterday a band of five men and Meghan showed up at the compound. She didn't know how far away they had been, but she was able to ascertain that Meghan had constantly been with the five men that brought her there. They all looked pretty worn out…tired, hungry and as if none of them had slept. She couldn't find out why they changed their plans, though."

Tank absently nodded his head, and spoke almost to himself, "Something about the move seems off to me. If they wanted to go undetected their best bet would have been to stay where they were and not run the risk of somebody seeing her at the compound."

"Yeah that doesn't sound right. It's almost as if something has them running scared. As if they needed more protection…" Miguel mused.

Tank and looked up at Bobby and smiled. "Ranger," they both said at the same time.

Bobby shook his head and with admiration said, "That fucker is scary sometimes. Even when he's at a disadvantage and being hunted down, he gets the enemy to scramble."

Tank clapped Miguel on the shoulder. "That's the first piece of good news I've heard all week."

"You really think it was Ranger that made them move?" Miguel asked incredulously.

"One way to find out, ask Susana to keep her ears open. See if she can find out why they moved to the compound." Tank instructed Miguel.

"Okay. It's late and I need to head out. I'll be back in the morning. Leticia, my younger sister is staying with you guys in case you need anything."

"Thanks Miguel. You're a good friend to take this chance and help us find Ranger and Meghan." Tank said.

"I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't help. Besides, I owe a lot to both the Colonel and Ranger. They've both been very good to me and my family over the years. But I might have to ask for one more favor of them both when all this is over."

Tank knowingly nodded. "You want to come back with us." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes. I don't think I can fly under the radar this time. Do you think they'll be able to get me and my sisters out?"

"It's going to be tough, but I know we can. You have my word that if we get out of this alive, we'll all help you start new lives back home." Tank replied as he clapped Miguel's back in reassurance.

"Thanks my friend. Now let me get out of here so you guys can get some rest. Hasta mañana."

"Night," the men replied.

"Hector get your toys out and sweep the house while Bobby and I check the grounds. We'll regroup back here in an hour and then I'll take the first shift on watch," Tank said.

"Sounds good, I'm beat." Bobby replied.

Hector just nodded.

**A/N: Will Joe and Stephanie's relationship be able to survive their confrontation? Will Stephanie prove everyone wrong and kick ass in her new position? Do you really think Ranger was the reason the Sandoval's men came out of hiding? **

**Me and the muse love reading your reviews! She especially loves the attention, review slut that she has become********. I can't wait to read what you guys think! **

**_Translations:_**

"¡Vengan acá! Creo que vi movimiento por estos lados." "Come here! I think I saw some movement on this side of the field."

"Qu'vo. Gusto en conocerte." "What's up. Nice to meet you."

"Lo mismo," "The same."

"¿De adonde eres?" "Where are you from?"

"Soy de Puerto Rico." "I'm from Puerto Rico."

"¿Así que eres Boricua?" "So you're a Boricua?"

"cien por ciento." "one hundred percent."

"Chévere." "Cool"


	8. Chapter 8 Metamorphosis

_**Disclaimer: **__**As always, if you recognize them, I don't own them. Just borrowing them for a little while, although I'm not sure I'll give Ranger back. J**_

_**A/N: First I want to thank all of you who have been patient with me and haven't given up on my story. I'm sorry it took so long but RL just hasn't been cooperating and has kept me literally jumping through hoops. **_

_**A special shout out to Zoo-Mom for all of your nudging, wonderful praise and encouraging words. Your messages were inspiring and kicked my muse in the butt…so a huge thanks! J**_

_**As always a big THANK YOU to Stayce for inspiring me, holding my hand, not letting me give up, and being the best Beta ever! I couldn't do it without you!!**_

_**Okay, so enough of my blathering. On with the story. I hope you enjoy it! **_

_**As always, I'd love to hear from you. Your reviews inspire me to write, so don't be shy. **_

_Metamorphosis_

_By Luisa (MiamiBabe)_

_Previously_

_At first Joe was jealous to see how Ranger's disappearance was affecting Stephanie. He was brewing as he thought that even when Ranger wasn't around, he was a wedge between them. But when he heard that they'd left her in charge of RangeMan, his demeanor changed and he barked out a laugh._

"_What the hell is so funny?" Stephanie demanded. _

_It took a few minutes for him to control his laughter before he could speak. "No offense Cupcake, but what the hell do you know about running a business…let alone RangeMan?" _

_She couldn't believe he was laughing at her. She was devastated at his reaction. Is that how little he thought of her? Is that the kind of faith he had in her? _

"_I always knew Manoso was psycho, but now I know he's certifiable." He muttered to himself._

_And in the blink of an eye, she went from hurt to rhino mode as she heard his snide remark._

"_And what's that supposed to mean?" She growled at him. _

_He threw up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "What? You have to admit that it's a little farfetched to put you in charge of a highly successful security business don't you think? I mean no offense Steph, but professionally you're a mess. Ranger wasn't thinking with a full deck the day he made that decision." _

_She couldn't believe what had just come out of his mouth. Didn't he even realize how condescending or hurtful his words were? How could he make love to her with such passion and within a few minutes degrade her in such a way? _

"_Is that how you really see me Joe? As an incompetent fool…a joke. What am I to you? Someone who gives you a good laugh and a good lay, but not smart enough to excel at her job?" _

"_Shit Cupcake that isn't what I meant?" _

"_Isn't it? Because that's exactly how it sounded. You think someone has to be certifiable to even consider me for a job that doesn't require rolling in garbage. I guess all my hard work and training these past months was for nothing. Because in your eyes, I'm still the fuck up bounty hunter everyone laughs at and bets on. Well I'm glad to know where I stand with you." _

She ran down the stairs, grabbed her bag and keys, and skirted around an anxious Bob.

Trying to hold her tears in and keep her voice steady, she said, "I'm sorry boy, but I can't take you out today. You'll have to wait for Joe."

She cracked the door open enough to slip through it and not let Bob out and then she slammed it behind her. She ran to her truck, jammed the keys into the ignition and peeled out. She couldn't look at Joe right now and she didn't want to give him a chance to catch her.

She drove to Haywood on autopilot and before she knew it she was pulling into the driveway. She waved her security fob and pulled her truck next to Ranger's Porsche. At the sight of the car, a wave of melancholy hit her. She felt alone and vulnerable, it had been a long time since she felt so lonely and lost. And she realized that she never needed Ranger's reassuring presence more than today.

She was angry and hurt, but most of all she felt so stupid. Once again, she'd let her guard down only to be kicked in the teeth by the man who claimed to love her. She had been so naive to believe that after their heart-to-heart, things had really changed between them.

She still couldn't fully process everything that Joe had said to her. How could he think so poorly of her and still claim to love her? Why couldn't he see how much she'd changed in the past six months? What else did he want from her?

She'd committed to Joe, given up on ever having a chance with Ranger and made compromises to make him more comfortable with her job. For once she followed through on her promises to him. She started exercising, got weapons training and took self-defense courses. She thought before she reacted and most importantly of all, she never went out into the field without a partner.

And, surprisingly, during this metamorphosis, she realized she was actually pretty good at her job. The Merry Men had taken her under their wing and made it their mission to turn her into a real Rangeman. As she reached every new goal, they cheered her on and told her how proud they were of her progress and new skills.

Her mistake had been to think that Joe had been proud of her, too. She was furious when she thought of all of the times he'd said, "Cupcake I'm really proud of you," when she would come home telling him about a new milestone. It had all been a crock, she thought, he just told her what she wanted to hear, but in his mind she was still as useless as ever.

How could he still see her as the mess she used to be all those months back? Couldn't he see how much she had changed?

And how could he claim to love her in one breath and then be so hurtful and demeaning the next?

She looked over at the Porsche and her eyes instantly filled with unshed tears and she sighed. Oh Ranger, how I miss you.

She leaned her forearms on the steering wheel and laid her head on her arms attempting to gain control of her emotions before she went up to the office. But while her eyes were closed, her mind raced. And she couldn't seem to stop all of the unanswered questions in her life. What the hell was she going to do now? She thought she was done with having to make decisions about her relationship. She finally had grown up and made a choice and then Joe goes and pulls the rug from under her. Could she stay with a man that didn't believe in her? Who thought so little of her capabilities, no matter what efforts she'd made to improve herself? All he saw was the mess she used to be, the laughing stock of the 'Burg.

She knew her answer should be a resounding NO, but she wasn't sure if she had the strength to stand up to Joe, or listen to her mother brow beat her about how he was her last chance for a happy life.

Her emotions were already stretched with Ranger's disappearance and her current role as the boss. She'd have to make the decisions about her own life later on. But she'd be damned if in the meantime she wasn't going to show everyone who laughed at her that she could and would do this job. She was going to make Ranger and the guys proud of her, even if it killed her.

As she took one last cleansing breath before she got out of the car there was a sharp rap on the driver's window, which caused her to leap and hit her knees on the steering wheel. She looked at the culprit, ready to cut them a new hole when she saw who it was and the deep concern on his face.

She rolled down the window and said with no heat, "Shit Lester! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry Beautiful, I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," he softened his voice, "you've been sitting here a long time."

"Thanks. Everything is fine."

"Liar." He said.

She looked him in the eyes and could see he didn't believe her for a second and he wasn't going to let it go either.

"What happened Steph? Why are you sitting in the car at seven in the morning, when we all know on most days you can barely get here by nine? Did you and the cop have a fight or something?"

She was tired. The toll of everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours was too much. She was so desperate for someone to believe in her, for anyone to believe in her.

She hated breaking down in front of the guys. She didn't want them to think she couldn't handle things or show she was weak, but she didn't have the energy to hide the truth. And before she knew it she had spilled her guts out to Lester and told him everything Joe had said to her.

Lester bent down, his hands leaning against the door of the car and had remained quiet through the whole story, not once interrupting to ask questions. But she had felt him tense up a few times and his knuckles seemed to get whiter as the story went on, so she knew he was pissed. She just hoped it wasn't at her.

When it looked like she was finally finished, Lester took a deep breath in an effort to maintain his cool before he said or did anything that would make the situation worse. But what he really wanted to do was go and kick Morelli's ass from one side of the fucking 'perfect' Burg to the other.

He couldn't believe what an asshole the cop had been. How could he be so blind when it came to Stephanie? He understood that he had worried about her safety before she began training, but she had taken to the program like a duck to water.

Who would have known that she'd be a natural? He certainly hadn't, at least not when it came to the physical part, but he'd never doubted her instincts or her intelligence. He recognized that she had a gift for thinking outside of the box when it came to solving a mystery, and seeing things or connections most other people didn't. Actually in that respect, she reminded him a lot of Ranger. He had the same uncanny ability to see things most others didn't. He guessed that was part of the connection between the two of them. But most of all, he knew in his heart that she'd make Ranger proud in running the business while the guys were gone.

Now he just had to figure out the right words to convince her of it.

"Lester, aren't you going to say something?" She asked as she bit her lower lip.

He could see she was worried about his reaction, so he waited a beat or two and tried to infuse a bit of humor in his voice before he replied, "I'll be honest Beautiful, I'm having a hard time holding myself back from going and kicking Morelli's ass right now."

Stephanie gasped in air. Shit that was the last thing anyone needed. She knew that a confrontation could only end badly. She knew that none of the guys really liked Joe, and that they only tolerated him for her sake. So she was worried he might be serious.

She turned her body to face him, making him look in her eyes. "Lester, promise me that you won't do anything to Joe. It'll just get you in trouble. I know that you don't really like him, but he's just reacting like any other guy in the Burg. It's just how he was brought up."

Now Lester lost his temper. "Dammit Stephanie stop defending him. He had no right to make you question your abilities. How can you sit there and try to convince me that he didn't mean to hurt you. Of course he meant to hurt you."

She involuntarily cowered at his harsh tone of voice. She knew Lester would never hurt her, so she forced her body to relax, but he'd noticed her reaction.

He blew out a breath trying to calm down because losing his temper with her wasn't going to help, so he evened out his voice as he continued. "Steph, we can't use our parents or where we grew up as an excuse for our continual bad behavior. There comes a time where we have to take responsibility for our own actions and claim them as only ours." He lifted up her chin and held her eyes. He wanted her to see the sincerity of his next words. "I know he isn't a bad guy; except when it comes to you. With you Steph, he has blinders on. He's selfish. He wants you all to himself, and he doesn't care what he says or does to get what he wants. But that's wrong. You're his woman. He should be sticking up for you, supporting you; not finding every opportunity to tear you down. And for the record, if that's 'normal' Burg behavior, I'm glad I didn't grow up here."

Stephanie winced. She felt the truth of his words like a punch in the gut. He was right and she knew it. She was making excuses for Joe. Why was that? Was it because she always went back and compared him to the other Morelli men? Next to them, Joe was a saint, so a little bad behavior was considered okay because the alternative could have been so much worse. Or was it because unconsciously she thought she didn't deserve better? She couldn't deal with that last thought, so she pushed it away. She focused on Lester's words.

She knew he was right. Joe should have her back. Always. Unconditionally. She wasn't naïve enough to expect to agree with him on everything, because she knew that wasn't possible for any couple. But if he felt really strong about something, whether she agreed with him or not, she'd support him if it made him happy because that's what you do for somebody you love.

So what does that say about them? Do they not love each other enough? Are they doomed to repeat the horrible pattern of hit and run they developed with their fighting? Lester's words brought made her remember words Ranger had told her more than once before, "Babe you guys have an unhealthy pattern of behavior."

Lester saw that she was overloaded with the morning's events and his candor, so he took matters into his own hands. He opened the door and gently pulled her out of the car. He shut the door behind her and hugged her.

"I'm sorry Steph if my words hurt you, but I'm not sorry I said them. You need to stop believing the people that want to tear you down because you're different and start believing in yourself."

And in that moment she had an epiphany. For the first time she realized that although the people that she grew up with didn't always understand or get her, there were others in her life that did accept her for who she was and not what they wanted her to be. In her constant effort to please everyone that tried to change her, she had been diminishing the importance of the unconditional support she quietly received from the people who believed in her. She was instantly ashamed for not realizing how lucky she truly was to have found this group of guys with hearts of gold who accepted her into their fold so easily.

She found her inner 'Burg girl and said to hell with those who didn't believe in her. She made a promise to Tank and the rest of the guys that she'd hold down the fort while they were gone and she'd be damned if she was going to let them down. Here was her chance to give something back to Ranger for all of the times he'd been there for her.

And as soon as she made that promise, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders. She'd show everyone what she was capable of and this time, they'd be wrong to bet against her!

She hugged him tight, pulled back enough to give him a kiss on the cheek and said, "Thanks for being such a good friend. I think we've given everyone a big enough show for one day. Don't you?" She teased him and gave him one of her beautiful smiles.

He laughed. Only Steph could go from crying to teasing so quickly. She was truly a ray of light in this crappy business.

"Okay Sunshine, lead the way. But if they ask, I'm telling them you came on to me and I was letting you down easy."

She punched in the arm and laughed. "You're such a punk."

"Yeah, but I'm a hot punk right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Dream on Santos. I'm not going to feed that overinflated ego of yours," and she walked past him, jumped on the elevator and gave him a finger wave, "see you upstairs." She pushed the up button causing the doors to close right before he got on.

"Payback's a bitch, Steph," he called out as the doors closed, but he wore a huge smile on his face.

Hiding in the tall shrubs that surrounded the mouth of the cave, Cole slowly lowered himself to the ground. His senses were heightened and his body was taut, ready to leap into action at a moment's notice. They had been using this cave as their base of operations for the last couple of weeks and he had been standing guard over the entrance to it for over sixteen hours now. He was starting to feel the effects from his injuries and the lack of food and sleep, but he couldn't give into the pain or exhaustion that was trying to creep up on him. He had to stay strong, so he fell back on his training to push through it and focus on his goal. Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as it used to be, but failure wasn't an option.

_I'm getting too old for this shit_, he thought, as he swung his gaze towards the interior of the cave. Slim was fighting for his life. They'd patched him up after the ambush and he seemed to be recovering until a couple of days ago when he woke up burning up and showing symptoms of malaria. _Hold on buddy. He'll be back. He's never let us down._ Slim had been his partner, his friend, hell, his brother for over fifteen years.

God, he was so tired. All Cole wanted to do was close his eyes. Instead, he said a silent prayer that Ranger would bring back the meds before it was too late.

Stephanie sat at her desk lost in the paperwork that was stacked in front of her. After three days of being in charge, she had a new found respect for Ranger and Tank. There were so many details to keep track of and dealing with the clients was more difficult than she expected.

She'd had a scare the first day with Mr. Cunningham, one of their new clients. When she showed up to close the deal instead of Ranger or Tank, he almost walked out. It had taken all of her charm and social skills to convince him that although Ranger and Tank were on assignment, the security services RangeMan would provide would still be the same.

It had been a close call and she wanted to make sure that everything went off without a hitch, so she'd assigned Lester to run the job and had been getting daily status reports from him. She was relieved to hear that Mr. Cunningham was extremely pleased with the results.

She looked at the clock and saw it was quarter to twelve. Shit! She needed to get out of there fast if she wanted to make her new meeting with Cavanaugh Industries.

She grabbed the file with the research she ran on the Company and the specs for the actual job, along with her purse and walked over to Lester's office to head out.

"Hey Lester, lets roll before we're late for our meeting."

Lester looked up at her and she immediately got a bad feeling.

"What's going on?"

He didn't want to shake her confidence so soon, but he couldn't figure out any way to sugarcoat the situation.

Steph misread the concern and hesitancy in Lester's face and immediately thought something had happened to Ranger. Panicked she said, "Have you heard from Tank and the guys? Is this about Ranger? Is he hurt? Did they find him?"

She was firing questions so quickly that she wasn't giving him a chance to respond, so he grabbed her by the arms and gently said, "Beautiful calm down, I haven't heard anything."

In an attempt to calm her down, he tried to use humor to distract her. "Geez…you've been on the job for three days and you're already acting and sounding like Ranger."

She looked sheepishly at him and said, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm more on edge than I thought."

Lester smiled at her and then turned serious. "As far as I know Steph, nothing with Ranger's situation has changed."

She looked at him hard. He was tense. Okay maybe she had been wrong about Ranger, but something was definitely off.

"Okay, so I might have overreacted, but something is definitely off. What's going on? And don't tell me nothing is wrong, because I can see it in your face."

Lester looked up and locked eyes with her. Both thinking the same thing, _Huh? When did she start seeing through their blank faces? _

She did a mental happy dance for a second and then pushed it to the side. Something was wrong and she needed to get to the bottom of it.

"Yeah I know freaky, but you didn't think I'd be clueless forever did you?"

He hesitated a beat and then laughed. "Ranger is right. You never disappoint."

Steph closed her eyes as she felt her heart constrict. God she missed Ranger.

Lester cringed. "I'm sorry Steph."

She swallowed back the lump in her throat, and waved away his apology, "its okay…now talk."

Geez…talk about channeling Ranger. "Okay here is the deal. There aren't any meetings today or for the rest of the week."

She frowned. "I don't understand. We had at least three more meetings this week."

Not sure how she was going to take the news, he cautiously continued, "Yeah, well the prospective clients all called and cancelled."

"Cancelled? Don't you mean rescheduled?" She asked.

"No, I mean cancelled."

"Explain." Take that! She could do one word commands as good as anyone else.

"It appears that our prospective clients were contacted by an anonymous source and were told they would be better off with another security firm."

Steph was shocked. It took her a few seconds before she reacted. "But, I don't understand why someone would say that. Everyone knows RangeMan offers the best security services in the area." Hell, probably anywhere.

He shrugged, trying to pull off a nonchalance he didn't feel.

She narrowed here eyes and asked, "What aren't you telling me."

He blew out a breath, and straightened up. She was the boss now and if he wanted her to act like one, then he needed to start treating her with the same respect he gave to Ranger and Tank. He wouldn't pull a punch with them, and he wasn't going to with Steph either.

Looking into her eyes and holding her gaze, he tried to transmit to her that he thought the whole thing was a big crock of shit. "They were informed that both Ranger and Tank are out indefinitely and that RangeMan was now in your hands. Then they were reminded of some of your more notorious moments and it was implied that it would be negligent of them to trust their security and business to you."

A million emotions crossed her face so quickly that Lester couldn't hang on to any of them. He braced himself for the storm, but it never came.

She couldn't believe what she had heard. Once again her past was coming to bite her in the ass. She wanted to kick herself for having resisted training for so long.

And then she surprised herself. She thought a comment like that would hurt, but she wasn't that mess of a bounty hunter from once upon a time. She knew she was good at what she did. Ranger and the guys would accept no less. What she did feel was anger. She was tired of everyone dismissing her as a joke. She'd be damned if her mistakes from the past were going to hurt RangeMan. And in a moment of clarity she knew what she needed to do.

And as if she had channeled Ranger, she began to rapidly ask questions and gave orders while she assessed the situation.

"Do we know who's trying to sabotage us? Is it an old enemy of Ranger's? A past FTA? A rival security firm? Are there any new competitors in town that would benefit from this?"

"I'm already on it. We should have some info soon. This isn't any of Ranger's enemies' style. They usually would just kill him, not try to ruin him."

Geez…that wasn't an image she wanted in her mind right now.

"As far as new competitors the only new game in town is Les Sebring's new security division. He's gone up against us a few times and has always lost, but it doesn't seem like his style either. We've worked together from time to time and he's always been very professional."

"Stranger things have been known to happen. Let's run a search and find out if anything in his life has changed recently that would motivate him to attack us. Look at his business records, his marriage, and his mistresses if there are any, and…"

Steph happened to look up at Lester and found him staring at her with a huge smile.

She creased her forward. I think he's lost it. "What?"

He shook his head. "Listen to yourself. If you weren't so damn hot, I'd think I was talking to Ranger. I'm proud of you Steph."

She rolled her eyes and tried to hide her blush, but secretly she was thrilled.

"Alright, you can stop blowing sunshine up my ass and get to work. Let me know what you find out."

"Yes, sir." He winked and gave her a mock salute before he left.

"Smartass," she said with no heat.

She couldn't wipe the smile from her face. It was the best compliment Lester could have possibly given her, and it was exactly what she needed to hear to bolster her confidence.

Cole was leaning right at the mouth of the cave so that he'd be able to watch both Slim and the perimeter. He heard a noise he knew was man-made and he silently got to his feet. He pressed his body against the wall of the cave, inching his way through its entrance. His body immediately tensed and he became alert for any suspicious sound or movement.

_Okay, soldier. This is it, so get your shit together, _he pep talked himself. _You've been in worse situations and come out of them, no reason this should be any different._ He cocked and locked his weapon and he waited for the inevitable attack to begin.

Two long minutes of silence, then he heard the sound that made him smile. He didn't relax his stance, but he was feeling better. And then he heard it again, two more times. It was Ranger's signal that he was coming in. He whistled back letting Ranger know that all was clear on his end, too.

Cole came out of the cave as Ranger was emerging from the jungle, and shook his head_. He looks like a fucking commando from a movie. _ Ranger's head was down and he had some sort of bandana tied around his forehead. He had two machine guns strapped across his chest and what appeared to be a sack of supplies thrown over his left shoulder. As he got closer, Cole was able to see a couple of guns shoved in his pants as well. _Well, he's certainly been busy_, he thought wryly.

He stuck out his hand and said, "Good to have you back man."

Ranger nodded and asked, "How's Slim doing?"

Cole grimaced. "He's burning up and thrashing all over the place. I think he's delirious. Were you able to get the meds?"

"Yeah, it was a close call but I got what we needed."

"Trouble?"

Ranger shrugged. "Nothing I couldn't handle."

_Yeah like that tells me a lot. With Ranger that could mean he ran into one guy or a whole fucking squad._ He tried again. "How many?"

"Four"

"What happened?"

"I got the meds and some supplies and I was on my way back, when I felt somebody following me. I took off in the opposite direction and left a few false trails and then circled back and took them out. On my way back, I ran into a campsite that Sandoval's men were using. I did a little reconnaissance and I was heading out when I heard one of the men talk about Sandoval's latest orders, so I listened in.

"And?"

"He still has a hard on about catching us. There's about 40 men scattered across the mountain. They're split up in groups of three or four and they have orders to shoot on sight."

"Fuck. Do we need to leave here now?"

"No. They're all concentrating on the North side of the mountain."

"Why there?"

Ranger gave him one of his almost smiles. "People have reported sightings of us. Assholes don't know that I'm the one doing the reporting. They're methodically checking every hole on that side of the mountain, so we should have at least a couple of days."

"Did you get any other intel?"

This time Ranger gave him a full blown smile. "It worked."

Cole shook his head and laughed. "No shit?"

Ranger nodded. "I overheard a couple of the men talking about the team that was watching Meghan and how they had to go back to the compound because it was creeping them out being in the woods. They said that they were having visions and that weird stuff was happening in the middle of the night."

Ranger became thoughtful as he remembered what they had done to spook Meghan's watchdogs out of the woods and the clusterfuck that happened afterwards.

_Coming back from one of his patrols of the area, he stumbled onto the camp where Sandoval was holding Meghan. He went back a few times, scoping out the camp, listening, learning about their weaknesses. It was the same all over the world. If soldiers were holed up long enough in the middle of nowhere, in a 'wait and see' situation, they began to cut up and talk more than they should, so he listened carefully and took in all of the information he could get. He found out that Sandoval hadn't contacted Monroe about Meghan. It was Sandoval's plan to make Monroe sweat it out until he was so desperate to get his daughter back that he'd do anything including becoming his pawn. He also learned that most of the men at the camp were local and they were full of superstitions. This gave him an idea. _

_He grabbed Cole and Slim and told him his plan. It was a long shot, but if they could make them move Meghan to Sandoval's compound, it would make it easier for Monroe to find and rescue her._

_So Operation 'The Haunting' began. He, Cole and Slim took turns going to the camp and making noises and leaving things around that would be found by the kidnappers the next morning to indicate that something evil was lurking around them. Luckily, he had learned a lot about the folklore of this area during his last mission and it was serving him well. The kidnappers had finally succumbed to all of the tricks and were convinced that the evil spirits were coming after them. _

_What they didn't know was that while they were spooking Sandoval's goons, the rest of their men would be caught in a trap. _

_He still couldn't believe that they'd been ambushed. But what he did know was that whoever betrayed them would pay for the loss of his men. _

_They had just been returning to where the guys were holed up when they heard the gunfire. He signaled Slim and Cole to each take a flank and he would come up the middle, but the three of them had been too far out and by the time they reached the site, bullets were flying everywhere and bodies seemed to be dropping faster than they could count. They came from behind and took out as many of Sandoval's men that they could, but couldn't get them all. He caught sight of one of Sandoval's men as he pulled the pin on a grenade, ready to toss it into the brush where their men were waiting. _

_Without thinking, he jumped out and ran towards the guy with the grenade, hoping he'd be able to take him down before he threw it. Luckily, Cole and Slim began firing, providing him as much cover as they could, but they were outnumbered and outgunned. And before they knew it, the grenade exploded killing most of his men and those it didn't take out were killed while trying to escape. _

_He was hit in the arm and Cole had been hit in the leg, but Slim had gotten the brunt of the gunshots. He'd been shot three times. The chaos was beginning to settle and Sandoval's men began to look for anyone that was still alive. He knew there was nothing left to do for his men, they were all dead. If they were to have any chance to survive, they had to get out of there fast. He signaled to Cole and between the two of them, they grabbed Slim and ran for their lives. They had been moving around for days when he found the cave he had discovered the last time he'd been in Colombia. Their progress had been slow because of their injuries and having to carry Slim, but they'd finally made it. _

_They tended their wounds. Luckily they were all trained to use plants, herbs and anything else available to them. And it didn't hurt that his grandmother was always treating their bumps, scrapes and illnesses with some natural remedy. His and Cole's were clean shots and were relatively easy to care for with some pastes made of plants and herbs that had medicinal properties, but Slim's injuries were worse. They'd done their best in cleaning the wounds and giving him teas made of roots to control the fever and infections, and it seemed to have worked temporarily but he was getting weaker. They knew he was getting to the point where they couldn't do anything more for him. So even though it was risky, he had gone out to find antibiotics and other medications to get his condition under control_

"Let's take care of Slim and get the hell out of here." Cole said.

Ranger nodded. Slim wasn't getting better and he was becoming worried that if they didn't do something soon they were going to lose Slim and their opportunity to save Meghan.

Lester grabbed his cell phone on the first ring. "Talk. Yeah, it's me. What did you find out?"

He listened quietly as he got the scoop on their target. "Shit. Are you sure?"

He was nodding while he listened to the person on the other end of the line.

"Yeah…regular clusterfuck. Seems to be a lot of it going around."

"I know. Never heard of you. Right. Later."

He hung up the phone. Could this week get any worse? All hell was going to break loose and he was going to be in the middle of the shit storm.

"Hey what's up?" Stephanie asked from the doorway.

Shit. When did she learn to sneak up on us? She's becoming more like us every day. If Ranger was here, he would say I was losing my touch and needed some more field exercises to hone my skills.

She saw his surprise at her presence. Score two for Steph.

"What are you doing here so late? You aren't on the night shift," she asked.

"With Ranger, Tank and the other guys out, I don't have a shift. I'm here as long as you need me to be. Besides your still here aren't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," she said with a tired smile, "thanks Lester, it makes me feel better to know you've got my back."

"Always Beautiful, but it isn't just me. All of the men are behind you."

She was tired and her emotions were raw. Her eyes filled with tears at the unconditional support these men gave her. It still amazed her how these men who had only known her for a short while, had more faith in her than the people who had known her for her entire life.

She swallowed hard and whispered, "thanks."

She didn't want to lose it so she pushed back the tears and got back to business.

She motioned to the phone. "Any leads?"

Shit. Let the games begin. "Yeah, that was my last snitch. I've been getting bits and pieces all day, but the guy that just called confirmed it all."

"And?" she asked impatiently.

"And we have a name," he blew out a breath.

"Santos, if I have to ask you again…I'm going to kick your ass." Shit, did I really say that? What the hell has gotten into me?

Lester couldn't help but laugh. She had gotten really good at self defense and sparring, but he still hadn't shown her all his tricks. But he definitely liked the spunk.

"Who is it? Is it someone from Ranger's past?" She asked.

"You can say that."

Patience lost, she snapped. "Will you stop acting so weird and tell me who it is and what is being done about it?"

_Here goes nothing_. "Jeanne Ellen."

"Burrows? Why the hell would Catwoman want to ruin Ranger?"

"Catwoman? Is there something I'm missing here?" He asked with an amusement in his voice.

"Shit I said that out loud didn't I?

"Yeah you did. So what's that all about?"

She shrugged. "When I first met her she was all dressed in black leather and she looked like the female version of Ranger."

Looking confused, he said, "I still don't get it."

She rolled her eyes. _Men!_ "Ranger is Batman and therefore Jeanne Ellen would be Catwoman." She responded with a blush.

Lester barked a laugh. "Priceless."

She mentally shook her head. God I'm a goofball. She looked over and couldn't help start laughing along with Lester. Surprisingly it felt really good. It seemed like a lifetime ago since she really let loose and had a good time.

Unfortunately, her carefree state didn't last long because even though she was tempted to go into denial, she knew that wouldn't help RangeMan.

"Okay, you've had your fun at my expense, now spill why Jeanne Ellen would want to ruin Ranger? I thought they were friends. Didn't she work here from time to time before she left town?"

"They were. She did."

Shit. He really didn't want to have this conversation .It wasn't going to end well and no matter what she said or who she was with, he knew that Stephanie was in love with Ranger.

_Damn I must have pissed someone off in a past life. I'm in the middle of a crazy ass love triangle or is that rectangle now, and I'm not even one of the main players, _Lester thought_. He never understood the weird ass relationship between Ranger and Stephanie or why he kept her at arm's length. And he suspected that the only reason she was with the cop was because of something Ranger did or said, but that didn't change the fact that she was in love with the boss. Hell for that matter, he was just as in love with her. Anyone that saw them together for more than five minutes could see it. _

"So what changed? Why would she do this?"

Okay here goes nothing. "Look I don't know a lot, but I'll tell you what I do know and I'll give you my theory on the matter. But remember, it's only my theory.

"Lester stop hedging! I got it. Limited information, your theory, no commitment. You're covered. Now out with it."

"Did you know that Jeanne Ellen had been in the Marines?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Okay well, she was. We met her during our last mission before we got out. It was a multi-branch operation and she was assigned to the team. It was a high profile mission with a shitload of risk. The truth is that we weren't expected to come back."

She watched him as he became lost in his memories. She nodded to let him know she was paying attention and to gently encourage him to continue.

"We were in country for six weeks. Barely any food, water was rationed. It was a rat hole. There were two women assigned to the team and to be honest, at first, we were pretty uncomfortable that they'd been assigned to it." He looked at Steph trying to gauge her reaction so far. He saw her body tense up at his words.

"It wasn't the fact that they were women." She still looked skeptical. "At least not in the way you think. We were heading to a country where dogs ranked higher than women, and we were all worried that they were at higher risk of torture or worse, if captured. And a couple of weeks into the mission, it almost happened. We walked into a trap. There was enemy fire all around us and we almost got captured. If it wasn't for the quick thinking of Jeanne Ellen, we wouldn't have made it out alive. I don't have to tell you that she impressed the hell out of us, especially Ranger. She was perfectly calm under pressure that would've broken most men with twice the military experience. Anyway, when we got back and were debriefed Ranger approached her. Told her that we were getting out and starting a security business and if she ever got tired of being a soldier, she should look him up for a job."

"Lester now I'm more confused than ever. What aren't you telling me?"

"You're right there is more. We got out a couple of months later and set up shop here. For the first year or so, we were still doing more government work than anything else so we kept a pretty low profile here in Trenton. But by our second year, we'd gotten into bounty hunting and other security work. Anyway, one day Ranger gets a call from Jeanne Ellen asking if the offer was still open. We were getting busy, it was still pretty much the four of us with contract workers from time to time, and we thought it would be good to have someone like her around so he offered her a job." He unconsciously swallowed hard before he continued the story.

At that moment, she knew with certainty that she was about to confirm her suspicions she'd had ever since she'd met Jeanne Ellen. Her chest tightened and she felt dizzy. She braced herself, tightening her stomach muscles as if she was getting ready to get punched in the gut.

_**A/N: So what do you think Lester is going to tell her? Could Jeanne Ellen be the reason that Ranger doesn't do relationships? Will the meds Ranger brought back be enough for Slim? Will Tank, Bobby and Hector find them soon? **_

_**I'd love to hear what you think or even what you would like to see happen. I can't guarantee it will, but your ideas might inspire the next chapter. Thanks for reading!**_


	9. Chapter 9 Ghosts of the Past

_**Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Janet Evanovich except the ones that are mine, and I'm just playing.**_

_**Warnings: Violence, Semi-Smut, and spoilers through 11.**_

_**A/N: Special thanks to Stayce for the editing, hand holding and ass kicking. I couldn't have done it without you Babe!**_

_**I've decided to try and write shorter chapters in an attempt to update more often. LOL…at least that's the idea, anyway I don't know how it'll work but here is my first shot at this new idea. I hope you guys enjoy it. **_

_**Thanks to all of you wonderful readers and reviewers. Please keep the reviews coming, my muse and I love to hear from you! **_

_**Previously**_

"_Lester now I'm more confused than ever. What aren't you telling me?" _

"_You're right there is more. We got out a couple of months later and set up shop here. For the first year or so, we were still doing more government work than anything else so we kept a pretty low profile here in Trenton. But by our second year, we'd gotten into bounty hunting and other security work. Anyway, one day Ranger gets a call from Jeanne Ellen asking if the offer was still open. We were getting busy, it was still pretty much the four of us with contract workers from time to time, and we thought it would be good to have someone like her around so he offered her a job." He unconsciously swallowed hard before he continued the story._

_At that moment, she knew with certainty that she was about to confirm her suspicions she'd had ever since she'd met Jeanne Ellen. Her chest tightened and she felt dizzy. She braced herself, tightening her stomach muscles as if she was getting ready to get punched in the gut._

_**Chapter 9- Ghosts of the Past**_

_**By **_

_**MiamiBabe**_

He hated having to talk about Ranger's personal life, but he knew Stephanie. She could be a pit bull when she wanted information. He just hoped he wouldn't have to reveal too much.

He looked at her and mentally cringed. She was pale and looked as if she were in pain. Shit! She knows what's coming, but he couldn't think how not to do this, so he just plunged forward.

"They became friends. They worked together when she first came on the bounty hunting scene. Ranger showed her the ropes of the business."

Once he started telling her more, he realized how alike the situations between the two women and Ranger sounded. So he watched Steph's reaction while he told her the story, knowing that she'd read more into the similarities than she should. Because even though the circumstances were similar, they were completely different.

Steph seemed to deflate as she listened to Lester. She'd known that Ranger had been Jeanne Ellen's mentor, but she never realized how alike their stories were. All this time, she'd thought it had been different with her that she and Ranger had a special bond, but now she knew he'd done this all before. Apparently he played Professor Higgins a lot more than he'd let on.

She had a cold shiver run down her spine as a thought struck her. "Lester what happened between Ranger and Jeanne Ellen? Why did they stop working together?"

Shit, he knew he wasn't going to get away unscathed. He blew out a breath before he replied, "He started training someone else and she got jealous and started making demands of Ranger that he wasn't willing to give into, so they parted ways."

Her voice cracked. "S...so they were a couple?" It tore her heart to know that Ranger had been willing to try a relationship with someone else, which meant that he just didn't want to have a relationship with her.

Lester knew where Steph was going and he immediately responded negatively. "Not a couple! Ranger doesn't do "couple", but they did have an understanding. I guess Jeanne Ellen forgot the rules and became possessive."

"And when exactly did all of this happen?" She asked, but she already knew the answer before he replied.

He waited a beat before he replied, "When you first asked Ranger for help."

She shut her eyes trying to control the wave of emotions that was threatening to take her over.

"So basically I was the equivalent of the other woman," she shakily said.

"No Steph that wasn't how it was, but…I guess that's how she took it."

"It sounds to me like Ranger got bored with her and I became his new toy. I wonder how long it would have been before he got bored with me, if I'd let the poaching go farther? Hell I guess I should be grateful that he let me stick around at all." She said with more bitterness than she intended.

Lester grabbed her by the arms and gently shook her. "Don't ever think that Ranger looked at you and Jeanne Ellen the same way. Yeah, your beginnings with him may be similar but that's where the resemblance ends. She was a coldhearted bitch. And to be blunt she was his fuck buddy. There were no feelings or emotions involved." He took a breath to calm himself down before he continued, "Look I've never really understood your relationship or why you guys have this weird game you play with each other, but I do know one thing. Ranger loves you Steph, don't you know that?"

"Yeah, I know. In his own way…his love comes with a condom not a ring…whatever," she bit out as she rolled her eyes.

Lester was tired and his patience snapped. "Is that what you really think Steph? You think that Ranger's only interest was to get in your pants?"

She blushed. But before she could say anything, he went on. "No offense, but there isn't any pussy worth the time and money that Ranger has spent on you, and do you really think he would have to work that hard to get laid?"

Her blush deepened. She knew she should be offended but he was right. All Ranger had to do was smile and women would be lining up to sleep with him.

And in that moment of embarrassment, she was hit with a wave of shame. Her jealousy of Jeanne Ellen blinded her and she temporarily forgot that Ranger above all else had always been a really good friend. He had always offered his unwavering support and no matter how much it hurt to know she wasn't good enough for him on a relationship perspective, he never let her down as a friend.

"I'm sorry Lester. You're right. I was being an ungrateful brat. Ranger has always been a good friend and I know he cares about me."

"No Steph, I'm sorry. I was out of line. I should never have said those things to you."

She laid her hand on his forearm to reassure him she was fine.

"Ranger is your friend and you were watching his back. You were 100 right, so please don't apologize. I was just taken by surprise and I had a knee jerk reaction. Let's just forget all about it okay?"

Lester looked at her for awhile before he finally nodded his agreement.

"So tell me what you've been able to find out so we can stop Jeanne Ellen before she does any real damage."

"Okay, well it looks like Jeanne Ellen has been a busy girl..." He then went on to tell her everything he'd been able to dig up on her so far.

Tank had been pouring over terrain maps of the mountain area. He had a gut feeling that it was Ranger behind the weird shit that had spooked Sandoval's thugs back to his compound.

"Any luck?" Bobby asked.

Tank pushed the map away from him in frustration. "Not a god damn thing." He was about to ask him how he and Hector were doing with the weapons when someone knocked at the door.

They both immediately drew their weapons and went into combat mode. Hector met them in the dining room. Using hand signals, they jumped into action.

Tank went towards the door while Bobby and Hector each circled around to get themselves in place in case of an ambush. Without making a sound or giving away his position, Tank peered through the door's peephole and then he smiled.

"Stand down," he called out, "it's only Susana."

Bobby and Hector lowered their weapons but didn't completely relax, just in case it was a trap.

Tank cautiously opened the door with his left hand and leveled his gun to Susana's chest with his right. He knew better than to let his guard down completely. He quickly scanned the surrounding area until he was satisfied that there was no one other than Susana out there. Once he was sure it wasn't dangerous, he scooped her up and twirled her around brought her inside the house and closed the door behind her.

He stepped back and took in the woman standing before him. She was 5' 6", long legs, killer body, jet black hair that hung almost to her waist and the most startling green eyes he'd ever seen. She blushed while he gave her a devilish grin.

"Still as gorgeous as ever," he said while giving her a kiss on the cheek.

She threw her arms around him and squeezed him as much as his size permitted. "Pierre, que gusto de verte."

"Créeme, el placer es todo mío." He replied while waggling his eyebrows.

"Good to see some things don't change." She said with a husky laugh.

At that moment Bobby and Hector entered the hallway. Susana turned to see who else came with Tank. She saw Bobby and without thought she leapt into his arms, thrilled to see her old friend.

"Roberto como me has hecho falta." Her words brought an ache in her chest she fought daily. She normally didn't let herself think about these men, especially the one she couldn't seem to remove from her heart, which she had grown to respect and love so much. It had been five long years since she'd seen them last. They had been through a lot together, more than any human should bear. And although her life was turned upside down, she would never regret a minute she spent with them…with him. No matter what the cost.

Bobby's face lit up with a beautiful smile. "Susana you're a sight for sore eyes."

"The feeling is mutual Roberto. I'm just sorry we always come back together in bad times."

"Well maybe this time, you'll come back with us."

She wistfully smiled at him, "perhaps."

"It looks like he's coming around."

Ranger nodded. Slim had thrashed around all night, tossing and turning as his fever had spiked before the medications started to bring it down. But here they were, twenty-four hours later and, for the first time, it looked like he was going to pull through.

"We'll wait another day to see how it goes and then we're going to have to start heading out." Ranger said.

It had been the day from hell between the never ending paper work, the running around checking on accounts and the news about Jeanne Ellen, and Stephanie was exhausted. She never realized that taking on Ranger's duties would be so physically draining. All she wanted to do was take a long hot shower and hit the bed.

She opened the front door and Bob jumped up to greet her, almost knocking her over. "Hey I missed you too but can you let me in?"

Bob moved back and wagged his tail. She laughed, "You're such a goofball."

She put down her purse and keys and started to rub Bob's belly. "I know I haven't been around a lot to play lately, but I promise I'll make it up to you."

Satisfied with Steph's promise, Bob licked her face, wagged his tail and high tailed it to the kitchen.

Stephanie was surprised when she heard Joe's voice coming from the living room, "And what are you going to do to make it up to me?"

TBC-

_**A/N: So do you think Steph now has to worry about two women? What should she do about Jeanne Ellen? What do you think of Susana? Who do you think she can't keep out of her heart? And how do you think Steph should respond to Joe? I'd love to hear what you guys think, so review and let me and the muse in on your ideas. **_

**Translations (not always literal): **

"Pierre, que gusto de verte." It's good to see you.

"Créeme, el placer es todo mío." Believe me the pleasure is all mine.

"Roberto como me has hecho falta." God I've missed you.


	10. Chapter 10 Breaking Point

_A/N: First, I'm sorry it has been so long since I've posted, but busy season has been grueling and taken away all of my playtime. The good news is that it has slowed down a bit; the bad news is that it's not over yet. But I'm trying to carve out snippets of time to write in the hopes that my muse will come home again. _

_A huge thanks to all of you who have either sent me PMs or posted asking for more of this story, it means the world to me that after so long of not updating that you are still interested. Please DON'T GIVE UP ON ME!! __J_

_And as always, thanks to Stayce for being a great friend, cheerleader and the best beta ever! _

_I love reading your feedback, so please review and let me know what you think!! I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**_Disclaimer: Don't own them, just playing and I'll return them unharmed. Well maybe everyone but Ranger. I'm going to try and find a way to keep him _****_J_**

* * *

**_Truth & Realization_**

**_Previously_**

_Tank had been pouring over terrain maps of the mountain area. He had a gut feeling that it was Ranger behind the weird shit that had spooked Sandoval's thugs into running back to his compound._

_"Any luck?" Bobby asked._

_Tank pushed the map away from him in frustration. "Not a god damn thing." He was about to ask him how he and Hector were doing with the weapons when someone knocked at the door._

_They both immediately drew their weapons and went into combat mode. Hector met them in the dining room. Using hand signals, they jumped into action._

_Tank went towards the door while Bobby and Hector each circled around to get themselves in place in case of an ambush. Without making a sound or giving away his position, Tank peered through the door's peephole and then he smiled._

_"Stand down," he called out, "it's only Susana."_

_Bobby and Hector lowered their weapons but didn't completely relax, just in case it was a trap._

_Tank cautiously opened the door with his left hand and leveled his gun to Susana's chest with his right. He knew better than to let his guard down completely. He quickly scanned the surrounding area until he was satisfied that there was no one other than Susana out there. Once he was sure it wasn't dangerous, he scooped her up and twirled her around brought her inside the house and closed the door behind her._

_He stepped back and took in the woman standing before him. She was 5' 6", long legs, killer body, jet black hair that hung almost to her waist and the most startling green eyes he'd ever seen. She blushed while he gave her a devilish grin._

_"Still as gorgeous as ever," he said while giving her a kiss on the cheek._

_She threw her arms around him and squeezed him as much as his size permitted. "Pierre, que gusto de verte."_

_"Créeme, el placer es todo mío." __He replied while waggling his eyebrows._

_"Good to see some things don't change." She said with a husky laugh._

_At that moment Bobby and Hector entered the hallway. Susana turned to see who else came with Tank. She saw Bobby and without thought she leapt into his arms, thrilled to see her old friend._

_"Roberto como me has hecho falta." __Her words brought an ache in her chest she fought daily. She normally didn't let herself think about these men, especially the one she couldn't seem to remove from her heart, which she had grown to respect and love so much. It had been five long years since she'd seen them last. They had been through a lot together, more than any human should bear. And although her life was turned upside down, she would never regret a minute she spent with them…with him. No matter what the cost._

_Bobby's face lit up with a beautiful smile. "Susana you're a sight for sore eyes."_

_"The feeling is mutual Roberto. I'm just sorry we always come back together in bad times."_

_"Well maybe this time, you'll come back with us."_

_She wistfully smiled at him, "Perhaps."_

* * *

**_Chapter 10_**

**_Breaking Point_**

_By_

_Luisa (MiamiBabe)_

Susana had left and Tank had gone back to scouring the military maps that Monroe had sent them in hopes of finding a spot that Ranger could be hiding in. A lot had changed from the last time they had to live in these mountains. He was still surprised at how detailed the maps were, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was thankful for the Colonel's connections with the Colombian army and that technology had improved so much it helped to get a better view and feel of the terrain. But right now, he was coming up empty and he knew time was against them.

He had been skeptical about the Ranger sightings, but he hadn't been willing to take a chance and be wrong. But now more than ever, he was convinced it was either bullshit or a distraction tactic. He knew better than anyone that Ranger would never let anyone spot him unless he wanted them, too.

Frustrated and ready to give up on the maps, he whispered, "Where the fuck are you Ranger?" As he straightened himself to stretch his back, his eye caught sight of a marker on the left side of the map. He bent down to take a closer look and was surprised by what he saw. How the hell had he missed it before? It had been a long time and the terrain had changed some, so he carefully studied the area surrounding the marker to make sure he wasn't seeing things that weren't really there. But the more he looked, the more he knew he was right. He shook his head in amazement. It was as if Ranger had heard him before and answered his question.

"Brown," he barked.

Bobby rushed in when he heard the urgency in Tank's voice, "What happened?"

Without looking up from the map, he said, "I found him."

"How?" Bobby asked incredulously.

"Remember Cascada del Diablo?" Tank asked.

Bobby nodded his head, "But how can you be sure?"

"Think about it. What better way to keep Sandoval's men away from him than to lead them on a wild goose chase?"

"I guess you could be right, but it's a long shot, don't you think?" Bobby asked skeptically.

"Maybe, but my gut tells me I'm right. It's the perfect hiding place because the locals are scared to go there."

"It would give Ranger and the guys a chance to recover and regroup," Bobby speculated.

"Get Hector and the gear ready and we'll head out at nightfall."

Bobby headed back to fill Hector in on the plan.

Tank hesitated. I hope I'm right because if not, we're fucked. Shaking his head to clear it, knowing there was no room for self doubt, he began to plot their course.

* * *

Joe'd had the week from hell and all he could think about was taking a long hot shower and crawling into bed with Stephanie. What he needed right now was to relieve himself of all his pent up tension by mindlessly fucking her. He was getting a hard on just picturing himself buried in her but something wasn't letting him get completely lost in his fantasy. It suddenly hit him, fuck, Stephanie was still pissed off at him. She'd been avoiding him for the last few days, still mad about his comments on her "new" position. He still didn't understand why she'd gotten so pissed off, wasn't he just stating the obvious? No matter how much she'd trained recently, she wasn't equipped for that kind of responsibility. He was doing her a favor by being honest. No sense in having her embarrass herself, or worse yet him, with trying things she wasn't capable of doing.

He shrugged and cleared his head of those thoughts he had more important things to think about. Now that he'd gotten the vision of them fucking, he was determined to get laid tonight. Four nights without sex was unacceptable. He just needed to sweet talk her into bed. He'd learned that some battles aren't worth fighting, not if he wanted to get laid.

He'd perfected his technique in the last few months, hell last few years…pour on the charm, show the proper amount of chagrin, even if it was just an act, rub her in a couple of strategic places and give her his bedroom eyes and in minutes her engine would be running, her hormones would take over, and he'd be home free. Thank God that her sex drive was as strong as his.

But as he pulled into the driveway, he realized that Steph's car wasn't there. He looked at his watch, saw it was almost midnight and cursed under his breath. Shit! How the hell was he going to put his plan into action if she wasn't even home to be seduced?

Okay so he wasn't going to get laid right away. He'd grab a shower and wait for her. How late could she be?

As it got later his desire for her turned into anger. He'd waited so long he finally fell asleep on the couch. He heard the door and glanced at his watch, it was 3am. He couldn't believe it was so late.

He was trying to control his anger. He knew blowing a gasket right now wasn't going to get him laid, but sometimes he really hated Manoso. Even when he wasn't around, that son of a bitch was cramping his style. He reminded himself that he needed to keep his eye on the prize, so he reined in his temper and silently watched her play with Bob. But when he heard her apologize to the dog,"I know I haven't been around a lot to play lately, but I promise I'll make it up to you,"something in him snapped.

And before he realized what he was doing, he said, "And what are you going to do to make it up to me?"

Her eyes went wide. Shocked at what he said to her and then bam! She exploded!

He braced himself as he saw her control snap. "Excuse me? You didn't actually just say what I think you said, right? Even you couldn't be that much of a hypocrite?"

He knew that he should be trying to diffuse the situation but they'd had a lot of practice at this game and he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"What? It's true. Ever since you took that bogus job in 'running' Rangeman, you're never home. And when you are, you're too tired to do anything. Come on Cupcake you know it's true, when are you going to stop playing around and get back to trying to have a real life."

That was it. The straw that broke the camel's back. She knew that this wasn't the right time to talk about this. She was too emotionally and physically drained to have this serious of a conversation, but there was no way she was going to let him get away with that kind of bullshit.

"I can't frickin believe you. How the hell can you say that crap with a straight face?" She was building steam and her voice was starting to rise. "For the past three years, I've been stood up for a case more times than I can count," and then she began to tick off a laundry list of complaints, "I've missed family events because at the last minute you had to work, I've had to find out from someone else that you left town on "assignment" because you didn't think about calling me until after the fact, and let's not forget how all we ever do is watch TV and eat Pino's because you're always so damned tired?" She was in full rhino mode by this point, building up steam as she paced the kitchen and made hand gestures that conveyed how angry she was. "Not once did you ever worry about my feelings, my needs or desires. And now all of a sudden, you want to make me feel guilty because I'm doing my job? And on top of everything else, you insult me by saying that I'm incompetent and couldn't possibly be doing it well."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she beat him to it and talked right over him, "You ungrateful, selfish bastard. I'm done! I'm tired of being the only one to make all of the sacrifices in this relationship. Not to mention the fact that I'm fed up with the constant put downs by the person that supposedly "loves" me," she said sarcastically as she made air quotes with her hands. "News flash! When you love someone, you don't step all over them and make them feel like crap. You encourage them, help them get better so they can achieve their goals and dreams, not constantly kick them when they're down."

She grabbed her keys and purse, rubbed Bob's head, whispered, "Sorry boy," and walked out of the door.

Joe was dumbstruck. He couldn't believe what had just happened. How did it go so wrong so fast? There was no way he was leaving it like this. She couldn't just walk away like that, not after everything he'd sacrificed to make it work this time. He'd be damned if he was going to let her throw their relationship away without a thought.

He grabbed his keys and slammed out of the house. He knew she'd never go to her parents, maybe Lula? Who was he kidding? She was going back to Haywood to hide just like she's always done. Well this time, he wasn't going to let her hide. He was going to go there and demand she come home with him.

* * *

Ranger had just finished up 12 hours of patrolling the perimeter of their camp to ensure that Sandoval's men hadn't figured out his ruse and come to look for them. It was close to 2am and he was in desperate need of some sleep. He rolled up his blanket to use as a pillow and was out within seconds. Unfortunately, his sleep was fitful and he became agitated as he dreamed of Stephanie. Something was wrong. All he saw were flashes of her…nervous, sad, worried…but none of them stayed long enough for him to know why. "What's wrong Babe? Are you in trouble? I can't help you this time…" He mumbled in his sleep as he tossed and turned.

* * *

Lester decided to stay in his fourth floor apartment tonight. It was late and by the time he got home, it would be time to turn around and come right back. He'd just turned off the television and was getting ready to catch some sleep when his phone rang.

"Yo."

"Sorry to bother you, but I thought you should know that Steph's back," Cal said.

"What the hell? She just left."

"Yeah, that's why I thought you should know. She's just pulling in now."

Lester rubbed his hand over his face and blew out a long breath. "Okay thanks. I'll be up in five."

* * *

Shit! What the hell could have gone wrong in less than an hour?

_The fucking bastard! I can't believe that he had the balls to spew that crap. For the second time in less than a week, he's told me I'm incompetent and that no matter what I'll always be a loser. What kind of shit is that for someone that "loves" you to say? How could I've been so stupid? Why hadn't I picked up on his real feelings about me before? _Maybe you had, but you just didn't want to see it._ No! I refuse to believe that everything we've been building in the last six months has been a lie. _Well maybe that's been the problem. You refuse to believe that he isn't right for you_. Stop! That's not true! _Think about it. Who's made all the real compromises in this relationship? _Both of us! _Really? Name one change he's made?_ But she couldn't come up with anything concrete. He's different now_. Okay, but is that because he's changed or because you've changed?_ Shut up!_ She yelled at the little voice that was playing devil's advocate in her mind, just as she pulled into the driveway at Haywood. She waved her fob, parked in her spot and jumped out of the car. She'd just reached the elevator when it opened and her eyes connected with Lester's.

Shit! She'd been hoping to slip past everyone and go up to the empty apartment on four. She wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet.

She plastered a smile on and greeted Lester as if it was perfectly normal to be coming into work at 3am. "Hey, Lester what are you doing here?"

Lester raised his eyebrow and said, "I was about to ask you the same thing. Didn't you just leave?"

Crap, now what? Think fast! "Yup, but I was having trouble sleeping so I thought I'd come back and do some more work."

"Really?" he asked skeptically, "And Morelli didn't mind you coming back at this hour of the night?"

Just the mention of his name pissed her off, "He's not my keeper," she said with more heat than she wanted.

Bingo! The cop had fucked up again. Shit! Steph isn't catching a break this week.

He raised his hand and gently slid it across her cheek and then pushed a stray curl behind her ear and said, "Beautiful, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him. She'd give anything to lean on him, but she'd done that enough this week and this wasn't his problem. She was about to tell him she was fine when a noise at the gate caught their attention.

They both turned around and saw Joe's car, he was repeatedly honking his horn and yelling out the window, "Stephanie you aren't going to run away this time. I'm tired of this bullshit where every time we have a disagreement you come running here to lick your wounds. It's time you grew up and stopped acting like a scared child."

She had been mortified when she saw him making an ass of himself and all she was thinking was _'how do I get him out of here?'_ But when she heard his last few words, she went from embarrassed to rhino mode in two seconds flat. Who the fuck did he think he was? Constantly complaining about how she embarrassed him at work with her crazy stunts. And then he has the nerve to say 'grow up'. This is what he calls being mature? She had wanted to cool off and think before she acted, but to hell with it. He wanted to vent their dirty laundry in public, well he better be ready because by the time she was done with him he was going to be sorry he ever laid eyes on her. She was tired of being his puppet, manipulated to do what he always wanted. She'd conformed to the 'Burg's pressure once already. And without realizing it, she was doing it again. All because she was scared…Shit! He was right, but she was done being scared.

"You're right Joe. It's time we finally cleared the air once and for all."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11 Eyes Wide Open!

**_A/N:  First I want to apologize for the long delay in between updates. Between RL and the non-existent muse, it's been pretty dry around these creative parts. So I ask that you bear with me while I brush off the dust on my keyboard and attempt to get this story back on track.  Thanks to all of the wonderful readers who have reviewed and not given up on me.  I truly appreciate all of your great comments and gentle nudging to get my ass in gear and write the next chapter.  And finally to Stayce Super Beta who doesn't let me get away with anything (pouts…lol) and makes sure that I keep it real. I couldn't do this without you! _**

**_ I hope you enjoy!_**

_Previously_

_They both turned around and saw Joe's car. He was repeatedly honking his horn and yelling out the window, "Stephanie you aren't going to run away this time. I'm tired of this bullshit where every time we have a disagreement you come running here to lick your wounds.  It's time you grew up and stopped acting like a scared child." _

_She had been mortified when she saw him making an ass of himself and all she was thinking was 'how do I get him out of here?' But when she heard his last few words, she went from embarrassed to rhino mode in two seconds flat. Who the fuck did he think he was? Constantly complaining about how she embarrassed him at work with her crazy stunts. And then he has the nerve to say 'grow up'.  This is what he calls being mature? She had wanted to cool off and think before she acted, but to hell with it.  He wanted to vent their dirty laundry in public, well he better be ready because by the time she was done with him he was going to be sorry he ever laid eyes on her. She was tired of being his puppet, manipulated to do what he always wanted. She'd conformed to the 'Burg's pressure once already. And without realizing it, she was doing it again. All because she was scared…Shit! He was right, but she was done being scared. _

_"You're right Joe. It's time we finally cleared the air once and for all." _

_..._

Chapter 11

Eyes Wide Open!

By

MiamiBabe

_..._

As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she began to panic. She was having a hard time pushing down the bile that rose up her throat and her body was in a cold sweat. _Shit. I'm not ready for this conversation. Think Stephanie how can I stall to give myself time to come up with a plan to hide out while I get my thoughts together. _

No matter how much she wanted to stand up to Joe, bad habits were hard to break and her instinct to run was kicking into full gear. _Coward! _The damn fucking voice again. _No I'm not! Then what do you call what you're doing…Bravery? It's time Stephanie.  Deep down you've known it for a while. You just haven't wanted to face the truth, but you can't keep hiding anymore. Do it now! You'll feel so much better when you do.  _

Her shoulders sagged and she closed her eyes in resignation. She couldn't keep running away from the truth anymore.  It wasn't fair to anyone, especially herself.  She deserved more and until she took matters into her own hands it wasn't going to happen.

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it out. She straightened her spine and gave herself one final pep talk that she could handle the situation. But as she began to walk towards Joe, she felt a warm hand on her arm, holding her back.  She slowly turned her head to look at the man that was holding her back.

"Beautiful, are you sure you want to do this now?"

She gave him a sad smile. "Honestly, I'd rather walk on hot coals, but it's time Lester. If I want my life to really change, I need to stop running away," she blew out a breath and looked him in the eye, "I need to start taking charge of my life instead of just letting it happen to me."

He was still holding on to her arm as he searched her face, looking for what, she wasn't sure. But whatever it was, he must have found it because he imperceptibly nodded his head and let go of her arm.

She turned to walk towards Joe, when he called out, "I'm not going anywhere. I've got your back."

A lump formed in her throat and her eyes began to water as once again she was reminded of how lucky she was to have been let into this unconventional family, one where she finally seemed to fit.  She turned her head slightly and silently sent her thanks.

From the other side of the gate, Joe called out, "Come on Cupcake, let's go home and straighten this all out. He gave her his bedroom eyes that in the past had always heated up her body, but now just made her sad.   

"I'm sorry Joe, but I'm not going back. It just isn't enough anymore."

"What are you talking about Stephanie?" He gritted out.

She could see him starting to lose control on his temper. And where in the past his tone of voice would have gotten her fired up and angry, it only made her more determined to not fall into the familiar pattern of their relationship. 

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves she said, "This…living in denial, pretending that everything is fine when we both know it isn't. I love you Joe, but not the way I should and I can't keep hiding behind sex and affection. It isn't enough. It shouldn't be enough for either of us."

"Stephanie…I don't know what's going on with you, but I'm not going to talk about this in front of Ranger's goons." He gritted out.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. You know damn well that Ranger and his men aren't goons, but more importantly they're my friends and I'm done with you disrespecting them."

"So let me get this right, you're choosing these thugs over me?"

"No. I'm choosing _me_ over you."

"What the hell kind of bullshit answer is that Stephanie?

She was trying to control her temper. She didn't want to end this in a screaming match with Joe, even if this was the end of the line for them.  She was tired of the drama and decided that no matter how much she wanted to move on, talking with him right now wouldn't end well. Digging deep within herself, she found a strength she never realized she possessed and shrugged, "You may think it's bullshit, but it doesn't make it less true. Just go home Joe." And she turned to walk away.

The only thing that was keeping him in control was that he didn't want to give Santos the satisfaction of seeing him lose it. But that didn't stop him from wanting to hurt Stephanie for putting him in this embarrassing position. He wanted her to feel just as humiliated, so he zeroed in on her insecurities. With the most patronizing tone he could muster, he said, "Don't do this Stephanie. It's not just about you this time. I know you think you're helping out a friend, but all you're going to do in the long run is hurt Manoso's business." He shrugged, "Not that I give a shit about Rangeman, but I don't want to see you beat yourself up later. You may not believe this, but I'm just looking out for your best interest. You and I both know that this will end badly, not to mention the fact that I'm the one that's going to have to put you back together and pick up the pieces after having to tell Ranger that you fucked up.  I'm just trying to prevent you from hurting yourself, Cupcake. Why can't you just admit that you're in over your head and give this charade up? Look at you…you're a mess, not to mention that you're never home. What about me Steph? Don't I deserve some attention? Come on, just tell them you're done and come home."

And then silence. She hadn't turned around to look at him the whole time he was belittling her. She felt every word as if he had physically punched her in the stomach. But what hurt her even more was how blind she'd been to his real feelings about her. How she was foolish enough to believe he was proud of her and respected her progress. But there was no more hiding from the truth; it had all been an act. With tear filled eyes and knuckles that were white from clinching her fists so tight, she caught Lester's eye and saw he wanted to tackle Joe. She shook her head slightly and ESP'd for him to stay out of it. This was her fight and she was determined to finish it, once and for all. He wasn't happy about it, but he gave her a nod acquiescing to her wishes. She was ready to turn around to respond but before she could speak, Joe continued his cruel jabs.

She finally hit her limit and refused to listen to another scornful word.  She spun around, and took a deep breath. Determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much his words hurt her. She straightened her back, raised her chin in defiance and looked him square in the eyes. "Are you done?"

 "Yes," He replied curtly.

"Good. Because so am I. Good bye, Joe. Have a nice life." She turned around and without looking back she walked towards the elevators where Lester held the door for her before they both got on.

Joe stared after her speechless never expecting that kind of response.

As the doors closed, Lester put his arm around her shoulders and whispered in her ear, "I'm proud of you Beautiful."

It wasn't Ranger's, "Proud of you, Babe", but it was pretty damn close. She gave him a watery smile and said, "Thanks, I am too."

**A/N:  Okay so what do you think? Should she have listened to Joe? Was she right to dump him? Is it for real this time or will they be back together next week?  I'd love to hear your thoughts so please review and let me know!**


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